Captured Heart
by Misato'sPenPen
Summary: Kakashi is captured by the person he fears most in the world: Sasuke. Even after Kakashi returns home, can he or anyone else trust him? Enter Iruka. Torture and Rape in first chapter only. SasukeXKakashi; Kakashi/Iruka Abuse, Anal, Angst, BDSM, Bond, CBT, Fingering, M/M, Oral, Rape, S&M, Tort, Toys, Violence, WIP
1. Chapter 1

Beta'ed by PhoenixInnocence

* * *

Kakashi could sense the patrols around him. He just needed to slip back over the border with the intelligence he'd gathered and he was home free.

He just knew it when he was spotted. He broke cover and flew through the trees toward the border of the Fire Country. Granted, his pursuers might not stop at the border; just pursue him until Kakashi could find other Konoha shinobi to back him up. Or he could turn and fight, but he certainly was not going to do that on this side of the border.

Almost there. He put on a burst of speed, the same speed that allowed him to effectively wield the Chidori. A few more yards.

But something else was coming. Before he could try to evade, a blur shot toward him from ahead and below his position and hit Kakashi in the chest. It grabbed onto him and forced his body back into a tree trunk.

The wind was knocked out of him and he was sure he broke a few ribs. He'd been panting already and the difficulty breathing with the exertions were about to cause him to blackout. The last thing he saw was the thing that hit him: a large white cat.

xxxxx

Kakashi had no idea how much time had passed, but he awoke in a subterranean cell. The pain of breathing was the first thing that entered his awareness, the second was the pain in his shoulders. His arms were tied, extending out to his sides. He was on his knees, his ankles tied down. He could probably stand if he wanted, but he had no slack to do anything else.

Naruto had restored his natural eye after his Sharingan was stolen by Madara, so there were no special precautions taken for his Sharingan. He opened his eyes to see a large white cat with its tail swaying. Kakashi looked around, but the cat was the only thing to be seen in the small, bare room.

After a while, the door near the corner on Kakashi's left opened and in walked the person Kakashi feared the most in the world: Sasuke.

It had been a little over a year since the war against Obito and Madara and whatnot—emphasis on 'whatnot'. Sasuke had joined the fight and helped them win, but Sasuke said he could never return home; however, he did give up on his intention of destroying Konoha. Sasuke created his own village and attracted many missing-nins, former Oto shinobi, and most of Orochimaru's former prisoners and test subjects. Many revered Sasuke and he quickly built a powerful village of loyal shinobi.

Which was why Konoha feared him.

Sasuke wasn't alone. Two males and a girl, all younger than Sasuke, followed him into the room.

"Sensei," Sasuke greeted.

"Sasuke," Kakashi answered.

"I don't think you'll answer, but I owe it to you to try to do this the easy way: why were you trespassing in my country?"

Kakashi said nothing.

"Very well. We're a young village, but we do have interrogation specialists. None at the level of Ibiki, but Orochimaru collected fine specimens of all types. These two," Sasuke indicated to the two young men, "are apprenticing in interrogation. I'm giving you to them as their first solo. I expect you to give them a challenge."

"I won't disappoint."

Sasuke smiled; a slightly disturbing sight. "I'm sure. I'll leave you to them. If you don't tell them why we caught you on this side of the border, I'll take a turn."

Kakashi's stomach dropped. He could resist all kinds of torture, but he feared Sasuke. He swallowed. It was going to be a long week, or however long this would take. He hoped he'd be traded back soon, but no doubt Sasuke would take his turn before he was released.

"Bonna, let's leave them to it." The cat turned to follow Sasuke. Sasuke nodded to the girl to follow him as well. The door shut soundly.

"Sasuke-sama said we couldn't take your mask off, kill you, main you, rape you, or do any real damage. Consider yourself lucky."

"I'm jumping for joy," Kakashi deadpanned.

The first hit was to his kidney.

xxxxx

A week so far. He was stripped to his boxers and his mask. The mask part was cut from the body of his undershirt and the shirt cut away. That left his back exposed for the flogger. His ribs had been repaired so there were no bandages, but his chest still hurt. They used those tender ribs to their advantage.

It started with the beatings, starvation, and sleep deprivation. He was given just enough water which was poured onto his mask and he had to suck the water from the fabric. Then days of absolute isolation in the dark. At least then he was able to sleep. But he couldn't tell if had slept or for how long.

Bright light after so long in the dark, loud noises, and resumption of the beating was painful but almost welcome after the limbo of darkness and isolation. His high shinobi metabolism was taking a toll on his body without food. He was weak and was becoming more and more confused and dizzy.

And it was so cold. They were underground and it was dark and a bit damp. The cold sunk into his bones within a few hours of his waking up here. The cold did help to numb some of his skin, but it also made other parts more sensitive, the cold itself hurting.

He only said one word. He hallucinated Rin appearing to help him. She bent down with a smile on her face. She looked happy and still in love with him. And so young. She was so young when he killed her. He was overjoyed to see her. "Rin," Kakashi whispered. He blinked and she was gone. He was beginning to consider ways to commit suicide. He was only surviving to face Sasuke. His skin crawled.

Kakashi was barely conscious and would enter the final stages of starvation soon when Sasuke returned.

"Untie him, but bind his hands behind his back, palms out," Sasuke ordered.

Once Kakashi was released to lie on the ground, Sasuke ordered everyone else out. Sasuke let him lie for a while and he even let him sleep horizontally for a few minutes.

Finally, Sasuke sat beside him and pulled his former sensei up to sit and held him up from behind, pressing the taller man's back into his chest; a little awkward with Kakashi's hands bound behind him.

"I'm still enormously curious to see your face," Sasuke admitted, "but I won't peek."

Sasuke pulled the mask down and picked up a glass of water with a straw. Kakashi drank greedily. Then Sasuke held up a piece of chopped fruit. Kakashi accepted it. It was small and this slow feeding kept him from swallowing it all down and making himself sick. Different fruits were placed in his mouth and he gratefully ate. Warm soup was next. That was pure heaven. Kakashi could feel the warmth radiate out from his throat and stomach. Life pricked every cell of his body.

Sasuke blindly returned his mask to its normal position. Kakashi was still hungry, but he had no strength to fight him. He slid out of Sasuke's arms and onto the floor as Sasuke stood.

Sasuke opened the door and his torturers returned.

xxxxx

Rin was back.

Kakashi couldn't be sure of the passage of time, but he was pretty sure he was nearing the end of the second week.

"Rin."

She smiled warmly at him.

"He's hallucinating again," one of the two male torturers said. Kakashi didn't comprehend what he said.

"Better let Sasuke-sama know."

"Sayeko should be coming for a report soon."

Kakashi was picking up on the conversation as Rin faded away. _Sayeko_. He filed that piece of information away.

The girl did come in after another ten lashes to his back.

"He still hasn't said anything but that name again," the second man said to Sayeko. "Tell Sasuke-sama that the hallucinations are back."

"Hai." She glanced at Kakashi with worry. Her hair was a very pale yellow, almost white, not like his silverish white hair. She was very pretty with long, full, wavy hair. She looked too kind and innocent to be a shinobi. Like Rin.

She quickly scurried away and Sasuke returned a short time later with Sayeko carrying a tray. The two males knew to partially release and rebind Kakashi like before.

"Out."

Sayeko put the tray down and left with the two boys.

Sasuke fed him like before.

"I don't trust those others to not look at your face," Sasuke admitted out of nowhere.

Kakashi was barely able to speak and definitely didn't ask. But he knew what it was, an old trick: leave the subject with clothes or other things that gave him comfort and then suddenly take it away. Another trick was for one of the captors to behave sympathetic. He thought that the latter was Sasuke—as he had been feeding him and letting him keep his mask—but he soon discovered he wasn't—or at least not the only one.

Sayeko was coming in more often to observe and get reports to give to Sasuke. There was something about her and the fact she was Sasuke's errand-girl that told Kakashi that she was Sasuke's apprentice. But she seemed far too kind. Seemed. Sakura looked like a sweet girl, but could turn into a demon when provoked. This girl was likely the same. Even shy Hinata could fight.

The two boys often left him alone so they could eat or sleep or just take a break. Sometimes one would stay while the other left, but if Kakashi had been able to escape, he would have by now.

The boys left and Sayeko came in. She looked around and seemed indecisive whether she should stay and wait or go. She stayed. She came fully into the room and shut the door behind her.

Kakashi looked up at her, but then let his head hang again. His neck hurt from looking up. Hell, his entire body hurt. He had a headache from inadequate water, stomach pains from hunger, his wrists and ankles hurt from the ropes and leather cuffs, his shoulders hurt from the way he was hung, his skin hurt from the cold, his back hurt, his lungs hurt, everything fucking hurt. It was dull pain though compared to the whippings and beatings. He was sure his body was covered in welts and bruises. He must have been a pitiful sight.

She came closer. Kakashi lifted his eyes. Sayeko's eyes were large and full of sympathy. She really looked nothing like Rin, but Sayeko called her to mind.

"Why don't you say anything? We know you were here to spy. Why don't you tell them that?"

Kakashi didn't try to speak, knowing he couldn't at the moment, but he tried to moisten his mouth.

"Sasuke-sama can be so cruel sometimes. Why don't you just give in and they'll send you back?"

"Principle," Kakashi croaked.

Sayeko scoffed. "That's so stupid. You know he likes mind games; you're just playing into them. He doesn't want you to tell them." She sighed when he didn't respond. "I'm going to tell them you confessed."

"I'll deny it," he whispered.

"Unbelievable. You're more stubborn than he is. Is it because you know he won't let you die? If he takes over . . ."

"I know."

She swallowed. She knew too. The Sharingan.

She had given him a small piece of information: she knew Sasuke was stubborn and was fond of mind games. She was close to him.

The door opened and Sasuke stood there. Sayeko spun to face him. "Sasuke-sama."

"What's taking so long?"

"They aren't here," Sayeko said. "I was waiting."

His eyebrows moved. "Has he talked?"

Sayeko was about to speak, but Kakashi said, "No."

"No need to wait for those two." Sayeko went to his side. "Two days, Kakashi. Then it's my turn."

The two boys were obviously told the same thing because when they came back they were more brutal than ever.

xxxxx

Kakashi figured it had been about two days and his fear increased. He was close to confessing, anything to avoid Sasuke's Sharingan. He almost talked.

When Sasuke came in, Kakashi nearly blurted out that he was spying, but even if he wanted to, he was paralyzed with fear. He'd rather be facing Ibiki after raping his daughter than Sasuke. He couldn't steel himself, he was too frightened.

"I know you've suffered the Tsukuyomi before; I'm not going to do that until the end."

Mentally, Kakashi sighed, _Ahh, fuck._

Sasuke came up right in front of him and grabbed Kakashi by the throat to lift Kakashi to his feet. Even with his head down, he was tall enough that he could look right into Sasuke's eyes. Sasuke ran a finger down the edge of Kakashi's masked jaw.

"Though I might want you stronger for this. I want both of us to fully enjoy it."

That made fear coil up in Kakashi's belly.

"Change of plans. I'll have your wounds healed and give you a few more days. Meanwhile . . ." Sasuke said menacingly.

Sasuke left Kakashi's field of vision and kicked him in the back of the knee, sending Kakashi back to his knees. Kakashi expected more hits, but nothing happened. It was quite a surprise to feel his bindings moving. His body was rearranged so that his arms were above him, but spaced out so that they didn't inhibit his hearing.

"Get used to it." And Sasuke left him.

Later that day, Sasuke returned to feed him, not letting him down like before. Sasuke still molded his body to Kakashi's as he offered pieces of fruit to him. But unlike before, Sasuke then offered his fingers to suck the juice from them. So hungry and thirsty, he did. Sasuke did it after every piece. Kakashi knew what was happening, but he couldn't care less at the moment. He would do almost anything for food, liquid, and just a little bit of mercy and time. And there was something primitively satisfying in sucking on those fingers.

A medical-nin also came down to heal him. Even if his body was healed, the pain remained. And sometimes the healing was as painful as anything. His world had become pain to the point he was almost immune to it.

Sasuke fed him once the next day. Sasuke offered his fingers again, but Kakashi was more reluctant to obediently suck on them this time. Sasuke pressed a piece of fruit in his mouth and would not pull his finger out; rather, he pushed his finger deeper in his mouth until Kakashi did lick and close his lips around it. He did that a few times, then added a second finger, rubbing the back of his tongue.

Sasuke didn't come the third or fourth day but his torturers where back. They just kept him awake, using a riding crop to hit him when he started nodding off. They forced him to keep his head up and hit him when he let it fall. For two days, he was kept awake and unfed. The few calories he'd been given before wasn't enough to stave off the weakness and mental exhaustion. He wasn't hallucinating, but he was approaching starvation again.

His mask was soaked to let him drink and to fully wake him. He looked up to see Sasuke standing there. He forgot to suck at the moisture in his mask.

"Pull him up and attach this," Sasuke said to the boys and handed them a spreader bar.

The spreader bar unnerved Kakashi; he knew what they were normally used for and it wasn't interrogations.

"You two can leave." Once alone, Sasuke looked over and Kakashi followed his eyes. There was a table with an array of objects on it. Some Kakashi could see and recognize.

Sasuke grabbed Kakashi's chin and looked into his eyes. "Last chance. Why were you in my country?"

Kakashi swallowed, but refused to speak.

Sasuke smirked. "Why fight me this far? You know what I'm going to do to you. Then I'll use my Sharingan. Are you just a hell of a masochist? Do you want this?"

Kakashi shut his eyes, resigned to the torture to come. Sasuke's hand and the feel of his breath disappeared.

The flogger was first. Sting upon sting on his upper back.

Sasuke set down the flogger and molded his body to Kakashi's again, making him hiss at the contact on his reddened back. "You know I'm a sadist. I think it's a family trait. But I'm also a _sexual_ sadist."

Kakashi's head came up.

"My lovers don't last long," he said conversationally. "They need time to recover. I have no reason to hold back with you though."

What kind of monster did Kakashi help raise?

"Even those who willingly kneel to me, fear me. Are you sure you want me to continue?"

Kakashi wondered why the fuck he wasn't talking. Three words and he could avoid this. But he couldn't speak. This was nothing compared to what Ibiki went through. Rape wouldn't defeat him.

Sasuke smirked. "Truth is, since we fought after Danzo's death, I've really wanted to do this. I fantasized about it. I even practiced it. Kaito was out of commission for a week and wouldn't have sex with me again for three months. You will scream. I hope you like pain."

A thin bamboo cane was next. The skin, tender from the cat o' nine tails, stung even more with every snap of the cane. Kakashi grit his teeth and would not cry out. Sasuke rubbed the cane up and down his lower back gently. That felt good, but boded pain. Instead of hitting his nerve filled lower back, Sasuke used the cane to push Kakashi's boxers down an inch. Kakashi's breath caught in his throat.

"Are you a virgin?" Sasuke asked, playing the tip of the cane down his clothed crack.

Kakashi wouldn't speak, but he nodded.

Sasuke hummed. He pulled the cane away to strike his ass. Through the fabric, damp with sweat and the water thrown on his to wake him, the strike didn't hurt. Sasuke pulled a kunai from his sleeve and pulled the fabric taut and slit it down the center of his ass and carved it from his body. The tip of the kunai then played over his bare flesh, not cutting, but causing his skin to pucker. Kakashi was now nude save for his mask.

Sasuke came around in front of him and untied the thin black rope he used as a belt as opposed to the thick purple one he used to wear. He tossed the belt rope away and eased his open chested white shirt from his shoulders, exposing his creamy skin and muscled body.

Kakashi looked up at Sasuke with pleading eyes.

"You think I should spare you because you're my former sensei? If you were anyone else, you'd be dead already. I'm doing this _because_ you were my sensei."

He stroked Kakashi's covered cheek. There was softness mixed in with the lust in his eyes.

"I can end this all if you talk. I promise, you'll wake up in nice comfortable bed if you tell me now."

Sasuke's fingertips touched the line of his mask, touching the skin, threatening to remove the mask.

"Or do you want me to see?"

Kakashi wore the mask even at home, taking it off only for bathing and sleeping, not always then. He felt more naked without his mask than his boxers. He opened his mouth. It didn't even make sense in his own mind, but taking his mask scared him more than the beating and rape. But he didn't speak.

Sasuke turned away, removing his hand from his face. He turned back with the kunai. Sasuke slid the kunai's point down the mask and started to carve and peel it away. The final piece that he held up while he peeled the rest of the wet fabric away was the one over Kakashi's nose and mouth.

Sasuke hands gently stroked Kakashi's bare face, his beard having come in, but it was still short, Kakashi never able to grow much of a beard. Being white, it blended in with his pale skin. He could almost feel Sasuke's eyes as they raked over his lower face for the first time. It felt like being stripped naked and having someone judge his manhood, though he was too used to being all but naked in the ANBU locker room, bathing on missions in rivers, and hot springs, and he was confident about his manhood.

Truth was, he kept his mask on because he was always embarrassed by how men and women alike fawned over him. He was rather shy when he was young and thought a good shinobi shouldn't attract so much attention. His face was thin and his jaw squared. His lips weren't particularly thin or thick, but his nose was still perfectly straight even after decades as a shinobi. And there was that beauty mark on his chin. He'd gone undercover as a model more than once. Yet, sparking lust was the last thing he wanted to do right now. Sasuke was drinking in his bared features in a way that would have made Kakashi blush if his blood pressure wasn't so low.

Then Sasuke's lips were on his own. Sasuke's tongue lapped at his lips and wormed into his mouth. Kakashi felt a rush as Sasuke kissed him. It fucking felt good. He felt it in his nipples and his cock.

Sasuke pulled away slowly with soft bedroom eyes that Kakashi couldn't even see, his eyes closed in momentary ecstasy. Sasuke stepped to the side and brought a bucket of water over and pulled out a sponge. Cold water was suddenly running down his body as Sasuke ran the soaking sponge down Kakashi's arms. He wrung it out over his hair, making Kakashi's lungs seize. Sasuke recharged the sponge and ran it down his chest and back, cleaning him. He bathed his entire body thus.

"Better," Sasuke said, tossing the sponge back in the bucket.

Kakashi didn't know he could be colder, but he was shivering with it now. He would almost do anything just to be warm again.

Sasuke gave the rope holding his arms up a little slack. The slack made Kakashi bend forward, too weak to keep himself upright. He was properly bent over, his ass fully exposed.

Sasuke knelt next to him, pressing his chest to Kakashi's side and laying his arm over his back. The warmth of Sasuke's body was nearly as pleasant as an orgasm.

"My dear sensei, one more chance: what were you doing? A warm bed will be your reward. Otherwise, I will rape you."

Kakashi tightened his jaw.

Sasuke growled. "I've abstained for this." He leaned back and ran his hand gently down Kakashi's back to his ass. "You're not worthy for me to use my hand."

Sasuke stood and fetched the cane again. Sasuke hit him until his entire ass was red, going over it again and again, bruising the stinging flesh. Kakashi let out a groan that made Sasuke smile. The backs of his thighs were next and the bottoms of his feet. Kakashi finally cried out.

Sasuke tightened the rope again to make Kakashi upright, though still on his knees. He resumed the beating on Kakashi's back. Kakashi was able to keep himself from crying out this time. Sasuke came around to Kakashi's front and caressed his face with the end of the cane.

"You are very handsome, sensei. It would be a shame to mar that face. But you never let anyone see it anyway. Shall I give that pale skin of yours some color?"

Kakashi shut his eyes tightly, fearing a strike. Sasuke just rubbed his cheek with the bamboo.

"I'll leave some part of you unmarred."

The strike was not to his face, but to his chest. Then his stomach, his thighs, then he aimed right for a nipple. Kakashi grunted with pain.

"Sensitive, sensei?"

Kakashi shut his eyes tightly. The cane moved up and down over his nipple, teasing it. Kakashi was ashamed that it felt good and it was causing a tingling in his cock. Luckily, he was freezing and frightened, both factors keeping his cock shriveled up. The pleasure made his skin pucker and that sent warmth through his body.

The cane disappeared. Kakashi didn't open his eyes, fearing what was next and not wanting to see derision or mocking satisfaction in Sasuke's eyes.

His eyes opened in shock though when he felt something different tease his nipple. A hot, rough, wet tongue. Kakashi didn't really see anything, nothing registering except the sensation of Sasuke's mouth closing over his abused nipple. Sasuke closed his lips around the reddened nub and pulled away, his lips running over the sensitive flesh. He gently kissed it before standing. Kakashi's cock began to stir. His mind and body were confused, not knowing what it should feel and fear.

Sasuke picked up the cane again. Sasuke's strikes were random: nipple, abs, thigh, nipple, the other nipple, the side of his ribs, lower chest, nipple, thighs, and so forth. After many minutes of this, Sasuke let the cane slide over his skin, down to his limp cock. Kakashi gritted his teeth. The cane ran down the length slowly and gently, then back up. Despite everything, that felt good to Kakashi, having his cock stroked carefully even if by a cold torture implement. Then the cane disappeared just to snap against his cock. Kakashi screamed.

"Ahh, yes, scream."

Three more strikes and Kakashi was nearly sobbing.

"Lean back," Sasuke ordered.

Kakashi had no energy to disobey, but there was no way he was going to further expose his genitals to assault. Sasuke smirked and picked up a bull whip. Sasuke cracked it to show it was real and he knew how to use it, then he cracked it an inch from Kakashi's nose. Kakashi let his body hang backward, arching his body.

Sasuke set the whip down and used the cane to move Kakashi's cock, exposing his scrotum. Kakashi screamed when it was struck.

"Please," Kakashi sobbed.

"You know how to end this torture," Sasuke said. He hesitated, giving Kakashi an opportunity to confess. When Kakashi said nothing, he struck again. His cock and balls were struck until they both started to bruise.

"You continue to impress me," Sasuke said. He set the cane aside.

Kakashi heard chains drag on the table of implements. He remained leaned back and couldn't see what Sasuke was now holding.

"Straighten up."

Kakashi obeyed fearing more strikes if he defied him. He saw clamps with small chains attached. His mind was numb and he couldn't summon any word even if he thought of confessing. He couldn't even think how Sasuke was planning on using those, his mind too muddled with pain.

Sasuke sank to his knees in front of him and put the clamps on the floor except for one. He didn't go for a nipple, but rather pinched the loose skin of Kakashi's scrotum. The pinch was painful, but the tight clamp that Sasuke attached to that skin made Kakashi scream. Then he let the chain fall, pulling at his balls. Sasuke went on to attach three more clamps.

Kakashi believed there was no more pain possible in the world. But the Uchiha surprised him. Sasuke pinched a nipple to make it stand up and he attached a clamp there as well. The pain seemed dull compared to the pain in his scrotum, but it was still incredible. The first didn't prepare him for the second. There could be no more pain left in the world. Kakashi thought he'd reached the pinnacle of pain. There was nothing left to endure. For a moment, Kakashi felt serenity in that thought. He had successfully endured the greatest pain.

He finally opened his eyes to see Sasuke smirking. _Shit._

The foreskin of Kakashi's cock hung lower than normal since his cock was as shriveled as it was possible for it to be. Kakashi started hyperventilating as Sasuke took hold of his cock. A clamp closed on his foreskin. He was in too much pain to scream. His lungs were paralyzed and the pain radiated out even more than the clamping of his scrotum.

That sent Kakashi over the edge. Sasuke could see his eyes go completely vacant. Sasuke stared at his slacked face. Kakashi had entered something like subspace, a thing Sasuke treasured. He'd forced Kakashi into the state his submissives sought and it always filled Sasuke with pride to bring them there. But Kakashi's was different since his mind had purely sought escape from pain; there was none of the bonding and pleasure Sasuke was used to with his subs. But the chemical response was the same; the pain was so extreme that his body tried to combat it with a surge of endorphins.

As Kakashi's body balanced the scales of pain with chemical pleasure, he came out of the dissociative state and awareness returned to his eyes. A second clamp was added and he almost passed out. It didn't take Kakashi back to subspace, but it sent pain flooding his system again. Sasuke hit his back to make him take a breath, but it made the clamps and the attached chains swing.

Sasuke caressed Kakashi's cheek, resting his hand on his neck, rubbing his thumb on his jaw. "You are truly lovely. I'm so hard for you right now. Was the pain that exquisite? Your face could not be lovelier if you were cuming. Did you like it?"

Kakashi was still breathing hard from the pain and wouldn't answer.

Sasuke smiled. The clamps on his foreskin was first to be released, then his scrotum, then his nipples. The pain of their release was nowhere near the pain of them being put on, but it was excruciating. Sasuke rubbed blood back into his balls and then his foreskin and then his nipples.

"Ready for me to rape you?"

Kakashi didn't think anything more could be done to him. No rape could hurt as much as those clamps. Rape was nothing to him now. Let the entire village rape him; it would be a relief from what he just experienced. How did Sasuke think a threat of rape would make him talk now?

Sasuke slackened the rope again to get Kakashi in a good position to fuck him. Kakashi relaxed. He didn't fear any pain anymore.

Sasuke took the lube from the table and covered his hand and fingers with it. He used his coated palm to rub the heated flesh of Kakashi's abused ass cheek. He teased and caressed him like a lover might. It felt good. Even when Sasuke's fingers slid between his cheeks and touched his entrance, Kakashi could feel only pleasure at the gentle touch. He felt no pain as one finger entered him. The relief from the pain before made his body loose and yielding.

Sasuke took his time adding a second finger and stretching Kakashi's body. A third finger didn't hurt either. Sasuke pulled his fingers from him and stood to remove his pants. He spread a fresh palm full of lube on his cock and got behind his former sensei.

As he would a lover, Sasuke caressed Kakashi's back and ass before easing closer to press the head of his hard cock to his entrance. He moved forward, entering him slowly. Kakashi was surprised at how good the smooth head of Sasuke's cock felt easing through his anal ring. His entire length was smooth and slick with lube as it moved deeper within him. It seemed an eternity before he felt Sasuke's thighs touch his ass. Sasuke growled low in his throat at the sensation of being fully enveloped.

To Kakashi's abused body, being filled felt strange. His muscles had given up some time ago and being lubed and prepped, there was no pain, just a foreign feeling of being full and the heat of another person's body inside him. That heat radiated into his cold flesh.

Only the welts that now striped his body and the flogged blotches on his back and thighs had any heat in them, but now Sasuke's warm hands moved down his sides, chest, and stomach. The touch of his hands, covered in lube and sweat, hurt the welts, but the tender touch made him shudder with pleasure, sending a wave of heat in its wake. Kakashi's mind blanked.

Sasuke started moving. Kakashi was relaxed from the torture, but he was still a virgin and his body was tight. His core was still warm, though below normal temperature. Kakashi's body hugged Sasuke as he moved. His hands instinctively moved to Kakashi's hips to keep him still while he fucked him.

For a minute, Sasuke was completely lost to the pleasure of being inside someone. A lover, a normal sex partner, or a prisoner, it didn't matter right now. This was bliss. The cold ground against his knees or the damp, cool air didn't matter. Warm, wet flesh hugging his cock was the only thing holding his attention.

A groan brought him back to himself. Sasuke leaned over him. His hands roamed over his skin. He felt the welts, the hot blotches, the bones, the hollows where his meager fat reserves were used up and muscles atrophied, and the few places where his skin loosened. He felt more like a skeleton than he looked.

But his cock was plump. Sasuke smiled. After all that pain, his mind was blank and flooded with endorphins. Kakashi could only feel now; no thinking, no resisting, no denying. This was his body at its most honest.

Sasuke sought out his prostate. When Kakashi groaned, Sasuke knew he found it. He was relentless. He caressed the body beneath him and did all he could with his cock to make Kakashi feel good. As he felt Kakashi nearing his peak, Sasuke lay over him.

Sasuke reached his lubed hand around Kakashi's body and loosely fisted Kakashi's cock. Sasuke moaned at its size and hardness. He stroked him slowly, sliding his slick hand over Kakashi's smooth, hard erection. He tightened his hand as he pulled his hand down his length, his tight hand squeezing over the flare of the head of Kakashi's cock and then forcing it back through his fist making Kakashi gasp.

"Do you feel it?" Sasuke whispered into his ear. "Do you feel the pleasure?"

It was a purely rhetorical question. Kakashi was hard and ready to cum. But Sasuke grabbed the base of his cock to stop him.

"Why are you here? Tell me and I'll let you cum."

It was difficult, but Kakashi resisted. Sasuke's voice had woken him a bit. Don't speak. Endure. Those were the only conscious thoughts in his head, all he could hang onto. It was all he could focus on during all the torture and now in the pleasure. Sasuke continued to thrust into him, keeping a firm hand on Kakashi's cock, but even as his prostate was hit again and again, torturing him with denied release, he would not speak.

Sasuke wanted to cum and had been denying his own orgasm longer than Kakashi, he said, "Fuck it," and let go of Kakashi's cock. A few thrusts later and Kakashi came with a cry; it felt like his mind broke. Sasuke soon followed, filling Kakashi with his seed.

Kakashi could barely keep his eyes open, sexually sated and so tired and weak. Sasuke came around and looked into his eyes with soft, sated ones. "Tell me why you're here?" he asked, not expecting an answer.

"Tsunade is considering turning against you and sent me to find the holes and weaknesses in your defenses." Kakashi's voice was cracked, weak, and tired, but entirely comprehensible.

That was more than what Sasuke even wanted. He was about to thank Kakashi for finally speaking, but Kakashi said more. A switch had gone off in Kakashi's brain that was his trick to remembering information as a part of his missions. All his data spilt out. He listed every weakness he'd found to Sasuke. Sasuke used his Sharingan's ability to enhance his memory, the same way it helped him remember long, complicated sequences of hand signs.

"Good boy," Sasuke purred when Kakashi finished. "I'll keep my promise."

Kakashi completely lost consciousness.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Beta'ed by PhoenixInnocence  
I intended this chapter to be longer, but I think this is what you all really want (hint: it's sex). This also gives me more time to get back in touch with canon Sasuke before they really talk. ^_^

* * *

Kakashi woke up in a bed as promised. He was completely nude and clean, and so warm and comfortable. He was utterly sore, but he just clutched at the blanket and curled up to sleep some more.

Whether he slept or not was unclear to him. He was wrapped in warmth and softness. The pain in his body just made the comfiness of the bed even better. He never wanted to leave, never wanted to get up, he just wanted to stay _here_. The lights were off in this room, but there was a light on in an adjoining room, but Kakashi just shied away from it into the pillows and blankets around him. All was heaven. His hunger and thirst barely touched him. He didn't think about the last few weeks, not a thought of them intruded. The present was too good to sully with such memories. He didn't know if he fell asleep again.

He must have been sleeping because he didn't feel someone crawling onto the bed, but he woke when he felt someone caressing his temple. He threw a punch that was nearly as fast as anything he could have done when he was healthy. But Sasuke was faster, grabbing his wrist to halt him.

"See? I keep my promises." And then Sasuke kissed him. His tongue and lips teased open his mouth to thoroughly kiss him.

Sasuke slid his hand from Kakashi's wrist down his arm. Rather than try to continue with the punch or pull Sasuke away or strangle him, Kakashi slowly rested his hand against Sasuke's head. He felt the soft, smooth, thick hair, tangling his fingers in it.

Why fight? Too weak to escape, the kiss felt incredible, and right now, he wasn't being tortured; why fight him? Anyway, this could be one hell of a good dream. Kakashi kissed back.

After a few minutes, Kakashi's arm grew too tired and fell to the side At that point, Sasuke stopped the kiss so they could both breathe.

Sasuke looked into Kakashi's tired eyes as a hand strayed to Kakashi's groin, finding his erection. Sasuke smirked. "I've never met the man who wasn't aroused by me when I showed the slightest interest in them. But you are the one who struck me. Seeing your face and feeling your body sealed it for me." He took his hand away to grab Kakashi's wrist and guide his hand to his own clothed erection. "It usually takes a bit of work to awaken me."

Kakashi's heart raced even faster having his hand pressed to Sasuke's cock. He moved his fingers hesitantly. Sasuke shut his eyes and nearly purred. Kakashi's half hard cock stiffened at that. Sasuke was probably the most beautiful person on the planet and the most stoic. And he was getting hard and moaning softly above him. This aloof beauty was turned on by him.

Kakashi grew bolder and purposely stroked him. Sasuke growled and looked down at him warmly. Kakashi's stomach twisted; his body tingled with that look.

Sasuke sat up to strip off his shirt and pulled his pants and boxers down to the middle of his thighs, releasing his erection. He took Kakashi's wrist again and guided his hand to his bare cock. Kakashi's heart was in his throat and pounding there.

In the dungeon, Kakashi hadn't been capable of appreciating the heat of Sasuke's cock other than the warming of his insides. But having his bare cock in his hand, it was incredibly hot. Sasuke was sitting upright and his chest was on display and Kakashi's eyes were drawn to Sasuke's incredible physique.

Sasuke stood up, getting out of the bed to take off his pants. Once nude, he got back on top of Kakashi so that their cocks were touching. Kakashi sucked in a breath at the feeling.

Sasuke lowered himself over Kakashi so they were face to face again. He growled and rolled his hips so that their lengths rubbed together. He didn't kiss him, just looked into his eyes and let their breathes mingle as he humped him.

After a minute of this, Sasuke crawled backward, letting Kakashi's cock drag up his body. Kakashi kept his eyes on Sasuke's face as he moved away. With what Sasuke had done to him before, Kakashi was a little suspicious of what Sasuke intended down there. Sasuke knew that and let it show in the dark amusement in his eyes.

When Sasuke reached Kakashi cock, he took it between his fingers and leaned it away from his face slightly so that he could lick the side, giving Kakashi a good view of his tongue. Sasuke's tongue was hot, wet, and rough. Kakashi couldn't help closing his eyes. Not needing to put on a show anymore since his audience had his eyes closed, Sasuke brought Kakashi's cock to his mouth and wrapped his lips around the head.

Kakashi bucked his hips, but Sasuke just lifted his head, keeping the head in place, but not allowing any further penetration into his mouth. Once Kakashi settled back down onto the mattress, Sasuke swirled his tongue around the head, letting saliva pool around it. Sasuke began moving down his shaft with bobbing motion, moving further and further down each time. Kakashi tried to control his hips, not wanting Sasuke to back off again, but his hips and cock twitched helplessly.

Then he hit the back of Sasuke's throat. Kakashi moaned and bucked, but Sasuke was able to keep Kakashi from taking any advantage. He started descending again when Kakashi relaxed. Sasuke struggled a little, but he finally took Kakashi all the way. Kakashi groaned with the tight lips gripping the base of his cock. Sasuke swallowed, his throat convulsing around him. Kakashi's eyes were already closed, but his eyes did roll back from pleasure.

Sasuke bobbed a little then pulled back to be able to use his tongue and add some suction to the mix. He could see Kakashi's abdominal muscles tense. Sasuke's facial muscles tightened though he wasn't really able to smile with a dick in his mouth; Kakashi couldn't last long after all that torture and denial then being all but unconscious for days. Only one orgasm in so many days, Kakashi saved up buckets.

Sasuke grabbed Kakashi's hips and sucked harder. Kakashi came hard, crying out, grabbing Sasuke's hair with one hand and forcing his hips out of Sasuke's grasp, fucking his mouth as he released several spurts of cum. Holding Sasuke's head steady, Kakashi's hips froze in the air as he released the last spurt. He released Sasuke and collapsed.

Sasuke slipped off his cock and licked his lips. He looked down at Kakashi's pale, panting form. His body glistened with a misting of sweat and some of his silver hair stuck to his damp forehead.

Sasuke had the lube ready and he coated his fingers and reached between Kakashi's thighs and pressed against his entrance. Kakashi's face became a little more aware, but he didn't otherwise react. He was relaxed and had already been fucked, though he had no idea how long ago. He was no longer a virgin and he wasn't resisting.

Sasuke's first two fingers entered him easily, but the third took a bit of coaxing, but he loosened him up and with three fingers inside him, he just played his fingers inside him and waited out the post orgasm sensitivity. Feeling that Kakashi was almost ready, he coated his cock and got into position. He pushed Kakashi s knees back and out and eased into him.

Sasuke's cock slipping through his tunnel felt so deliciously good. Kakashi felt a moan rumble in his throat, the sound of it surprising him. The sliding of slick, hot flesh against his stretched skin and being filled with that heat was strange and intimate and foreign. And something deeper ached to be touched. Kakashi was pretty out of it when Sasuke raped him in the dungeon, so he didn't remember the feeling of his prostate being stuck and nudged. But he knew there was pleasure deeper inside himself.

A slight twist, a small change of angle and Kakashi saw stars. The pleasure was almost painful, almost too much to handle. Kakashi would have been humiliated by the whimper it elicited from his throat if his mind had been clear enough to register that that sound had come from him.

Sasuke knew he found his prize. He changed angle again so that he teased that spot rather than bombard it. It was still a virginal spot and needed breaking in, Kakashi needed to get used to new, intense pleasure before Sasuke could fully take advantage of that little gland.

Until then, Sasuke aimed his thrusts just below that spot, letting his cock press Kakashi's own flesh against it, gently stimulating it. That had Kakashi gasping for breath. Sasuke felt a growl rumble through his chest as he felt their combined pleasures throughout his body. The slickness of their sweat, the pounding of their heartbeats, the sound of panting breath, the twitching and throbbing of their erections and the heat and tightness of Kakashi's body, it was all overwhelming.

Sasuke held still, deep inside him and brought his knees up, causing Kakashi's longer torso to curl up a bit. Sasuke leaned down and lay his forehead on Kakashi's and just stayed there for a minute, enjoying the closeness, enjoying being joined with his former sensei.

Sasuke's breath puffed against Kakashi's face, but it was fresh and the heat of it felt good on his cold skin. He opened his eyes to see Sasuke's closed contented ones.

Sasuke pulled his elbows in closer around Kakashi's head and adjusted his hips, making his cock move inside him. He opened his eyes and looked softly into Kakashi's. Whatever this was, it wasn't rape. Those eyes held an emotion Kakashi had never seen before.

Before Kakashi could suss out what that look meant, Sasuke's hips started to move again.

As much as Sasuke liked this close position, cocooning Kakashi under his body, his cock sought stimulation. He planted his hands on either side of Kakashi's head and used that as leverage to fuck Kakashi with long slow thrusts.

Despite his earlier orgasm, Kakashi came first, spraying his stomach with thick semen. Sasuke felt Kakashi's body tighten and the pulse of each rope of cum being forced out of his body. Then Kakashi's body loosened and relaxed, but felt no less heavenly to Sasuke's cock. Soon, Sasuke's hips snapped forward and he gasped with his release. His hips bucked shallowly as he filled Kakashi with his cum.

Sasuke eased his body down onto Kakashi's and pressed his forehead to Kakashi's temple and stayed there, letting his breathing slow. He realized he was breathing right in Kakashi's ear and moved his mouth to Kakashi's neck. It didn't take long for him to recover.

Kakashi, on the other hand, was still suffering from being immobilized, starved, and tortured; it took longer for his breathing to slow. His body ached, his muscles overtaxed and his body not used to such positions or even the softness of the bed. But he also felt satisfied and relaxed.

Sasuke tangled his fingers in Kakashi's wild hair and rubbed his scalp gently. He brought his lips up to the side of Kakashi's scarred eye.

"I love you," Sasuke whispered.

Before he could properly process that statement, Kakashi passed out.


	3. Chapter 3

I started writing this before the manga ended so I didn't know that the Rinnegan could not be deactivated, but in this story, Sasuke keeps it deactivated. I also didn't know about his arm at that point. That will be addressed more in chapter four. For those of you waiting for Iruka, he doesn't appear until chapter five; I wanted to warn you. Sasuke was a bitch to write in this chapter. You have no idea how much I pared down his dialog. _

Beta'ed by PhoenixInnocence

* * *

"Kakashi!"

He had no idea how many times his name was called before he woke up, but there was Sasuke standing by the bed with a tray.

"You sleep like the dead." His smirk became downright evil. "Want me to feed you like before?"

His smirk may be evil, but his eyes were warm and amused. Just like when they had sex. Fuck, it wasn't a dream. He'd had sex with Sasuke. And enjoyed the fuck out of it.

Kakashi groaned. He raised a hand to his face to check if his mask was in place, but it was gone, cut into pieces in the dungeon. "You may have me in every way by the balls," he struggled to lever himself up to a sitting position, "but don't patronize your elders so much."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'Is that a 'no?' He pulled the blanket away and set the tray with its legs extended over the older man's lap.

"I should feed you; make sure you don't eat too fast." He crawled in behind him, moving the pillows out of the way, and molded his body to Kakashi like before. He slid one hand over Kakashi's bare abdomen just above the edge of the sheet that was the only thing covering Kakashi's abused lower body.

Kakashi was very weak so he didn't struggle; he let Sasuke feed him. Kakashi's head hurt from sleeping too much and he was a little dizzy because of it. If Sasuke hadn't slid in behind him, he'd have leaned back against the headboard. Sasuke lay his head on Kakashi's shoulder and leaned it against Kakashi's.

"I think you missed it," Sasuke said after Kakashi swallowed a piece of fruit and he trailed his fingers across his lips, "I love you."

"I heard you."

"And?" Kakashi detected a faint trace of nervousness in Sasuke's voice.

"Do you honestly expect me to return the sentiment after what you did?"

"If you mean it." He offered a spoon of rice porridge.

Kakashi ate the spoonful slowly. "I can't hate you." No matter what Sasuke did—to him or anyone else—he was still the boy Kakashi took under his wing. He would always care for him.

"Hn." Sasuke sounded pleased. "You didn't struggle. Most of that was just business."

He could understand that. They were both shinobi; all relationships are null and void when shinobi met on the battlefield—or caught engaging in espionage. "What about the rest of it?"

"Lust." Sasuke's voice was a deep whisper against Kakashi's neck.

"I'm not a masochist."

"Hn. I don't really want to hurt you. As long as I can step out and beat the crap out of a real masochist once in a while, I'd be content. Let me love you. Let me make love to you." He kissed his long neck. "Sensei."

Kakashi didn't respond, but he couldn't suppress the shiver that word sent through him. Sasuke's fingers moved to draw random designs on his abdomen which only made his flesh pucker more.

Sasuke let Kakashi eat on his own, wrapping his other arm around his waist too, hugging him like a teddy bear. Kakashi was hungry, but his stomach shrank over the weeks of starvation. He finished the small bowl of rice porridge and ate another piece of fruit and then stopped.

Sasuke created a clone to move the tray to the floor and then it disappeared. Free of the restraining tray, Sasuke brought his knees up to close in on Kakashi's sides. Kakashi leaned back into Sasuke's body. Sasuke's body closed around him.

"I'm not sorry for what I did," Sasuke said after a prolonged silence. "You trespassed. We are allies, but that doesn't excuse espionage. You lasted longer than anyone else my village captured. I'm still in awe of you. Sensei."

Kakashi felt lightheaded. The way he said that word went straight to his core. Sasuke's voice was always deep, but it wavered from unemotional to warm to downright darkly seductive when he said 'sensei.'

"What about Konoha?" Kakashi asked.

"They definitely know you're missing. We chased away two scouts who must have been looking for you. No contact yet. You must have not been missing long enough for them to just come out and ask. They don't have anyone of ours to offer as a trade, but they can barter you back. Honestly, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. You're important enough to them to start a war over."

Kakashi doubted that. Then again, he was former ANBU and he was as good as the next Hokage; he knew nearly as much about Konoha and her strengths and weaknesses as Tsunade. Rather than war, Konoha might send an assassin to off him before he said too much.

"If what you said is true about Tsunade, she might like the excuse," Sasuke continued. "Even if I report you dead, it might start a war. You'll likely be going home in a month's time. I might not be able to keep you, but while you're here, I want to love you."

"If you really love me, why didn't you just say something before now? Why wait to tell me until after you captured and tortured me?"

"Hn," he hummed with amusement. "Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission."

Kakashi laughed. It was absurd, but he really couldn't see Sasuke asking him for a relationship or sex. He would never ask, never beg. He wasn't exactly begging for forgiveness now and probably never would. Sasuke took what he wanted. Kakashi tried to remember the last time he heard Sasuke ask for anything.

"I didn't love you before," Sasuke admitted. "I admired you, felt safe with you. My feelings were more familial. I saw you naked at more than one hot spring, but I was indifferent. But you being at my mercy aroused me. Defiance attracts me. Strength and defiance. When I unmasked you . . . I never imagined you could be so handsome. How could I not wish to possess you?"

Sasuke could have been speaking of a spirited stallion, but it was flattering.

"However, understand this: I love you, but I am first the _sato-osa_ [AN: village head; only the leaders of the Five Great Shinobi Nations are called Kage] here; even the Daimyo is my puppet. I protect this land and its people and I will not hesitate if you bring harm to either."

Kakashi gave a nod of understanding.

"I also will not just let you go. You are still a prisoner and these rooms are your cell. You can accept my affections, return them, or just suffer through them, but you are staying here."

"I don't have much choice."

Kakashi felt Sasuke smirk against his hair.

Someone knocked on the outer door of Sasuke's suite of rooms. Rather than shout through the open bedroom door, Sasuke sent out a non-hostile wave of chakra and the door opened. Sayeko peaked in and then came up to the open bedroom door. Sasuke drew a sleeved arm over Kakashi's lower face before Sayeko could see it.

"I'm really sorry to disturb you, Sasuke-sama, but . . . it's happening again."

Kakashi could tell she wasn't sure how freely to speak with him there. Otherwise, she completely ignored him, ignored the fact her master was in bed with another man.

Sasuke obviously understood her oblique reference and Kakashi could feel his irritation. "I'll be along shortly," Sasuke said in his usual emotionless voice.

Sayeko scurried off.

"I have to go." Sasuke slipped out from behind Kakashi. "Finish eating, but be careful: you went a long time with very little solid food. I brought clothes for you." Sasuke fetched a small pile from the top of his dresser and put it on the foot of the bed. "A physical therapist is coming later to help you recover. In the meantime, there are crutches to help you move around." Sasuke gestured to the bed's headboard the crutches were leaning against. "I'll be back when I have time."

Taking up his sword, Sasuke rushed from the room.

Kakashi took a few more bites then dressed slowly. He was very happy to find a mask among the clothes and felt great relief to cover his face again. The pants were drawstring; Kakashi was shocked how much he had to pull them. He'd lost quite a bit of muscle there and any small layer of fat he might have had. There was a sash to tie around his waist to make the loose shirt not as baggy. He finished the food Sasuke brought him and rested a bit more. It felt great to just lay back and relax in a comfy bed and not have to worry about anything.

Laying there he rubbed his fingers together, tempted to call his nin-ken. No, he was on tenuous ground here. And weak. His chakra was low from lack of food. Let them alone. Pakkun would only try to talk sense into him. He didn't want sense. He was too weak to try to escape anyway. He didn't want to think. Didn't want to think about Sasuke's feelings or his own. He would rest. He deserved it.

xxxxx

The man who came to help him rebuild his strength treated him with more respect than was ever shown to him. He was treated with reverence. He was a hero of two Great Wars, Sasuke's sensei, and now Sasuke's guest so he guessed it wasn't odd. That look he gave him at times might have been because it was clear being kept in Sasuke's quarters that he was also Sasuke's . . . lover?

One source of the man's reverence was clear though: he expressed his admiration that anyone could endure so much torture for so long and that Kakashi hadn't lost more muscle. Well, clinching his muscles in pain and trying to take his weight from his stressed limbs did keep them working.

A bag of intravenous fluids and a bottle of nutrients and he was forced to try to walk without the crutches. By the end, Kakashi wanted to bash the man's head in, but he knew he had to work hard if he was going to redevelop the muscle that had atrophied.

It wasn't just the lack of muscle; it was also the pain in the muscles he did still have. Some of the pain prevented him from moving in certain ways; walking hurt his lower back to the point he curled and nearly collapsed. The doctor still found exercises for him and worked him for hours.

Kakashi was sitting on the bed, panting from the exercise when Sasuke returned. His skin was flushed and his muscles were swollen with stress. He was hunched forward with his arms on his thighs, but even that was massive strain on his body, causing his arm muscles to quiver with the effort. Without a headband, his hair was wild and some sweaty strands hung over his forehead.

Sasuke raised a perfect eyebrow at his appearance. "You break him, you will pay for him," Sasuke said to the doctor.

"Sasuke-sama, you're the one who put him in this state."

Kakashi was horrified anyone would talk back to Sasuke like that.

"Hai, hai. You're done for today."

The doctor packed up and left. Sasuke didn't move any muscle but his eyes to watch the man until the door shut behind him. He crossed his arms and considered. Kakashi grew self-conscious being stared at by Sasuke's dispassionate eyes. "I'd hoped you'd be resting by now." Sasuke sighed. "Working you all day is a little much. Sayeko!"

The door opened again. "Sasuke-sama?"

"Delay dinner awhile; our guest must rest."

"Hai." She ducked back out the main room's door.

Sasuke disarmed himself and stepped into the bathroom for a moment and returned with a glass bottle of amber liquid.

"Take off your shirt and pants and lay down on your stomach."

Kakashi obeyed, leaving his boxers and tied mask in place.

"What aches the most?"

"My legs. My arms are exhausted too."

Sasuke dripped some of the oil on his hands and then started rubbing his thumbs down his calf. He did a thorough job down each leg, digging his thumbs into knotted muscle and easing the aches away, using just a little chakra to soothe the overworked tissue.

Done with his legs, Sasuke moved up to Kakashi's thighs, reaching around his with strong fingers to work on the front of his thighs without making Kakashi turn over. Kakashi could feel the calluses from kunai, shuriken, and his sword on his fingers and palms. They weren't unpleasant.

Then he straddled Kakashi's body and started on his upper back and shoulders then down his arms. The whole time he alternated between a rub down and a deep tissue massage. It was both painful and blissful and, by the end, Kakashi was not so sore.

When Sasuke finished, he surprised Kakashi by laying down on top of him and laying his cheek on Kakashi's shoulder blade. Kakashi was afraid to breathe, that it might move Sasuke too much; he measured his breaths to minimize disturbing him.

The pressure on his lungs and the fact he had a person lying on top of him was uncomfortable, but he kind of liked it. He liked the closeness. He'd had his share of female lovers, but it never meant anything, they never stayed in bed together or lay together like this. This felt intimate.

Sasuke soon sat up with a sharp inhale of breath, as if he'd been asleep.

"Dinner should arrive soon."

Sasuke got up and held out a hand to Kakashi to help him stand.

"Your hand is cold."

"Someone kept me in a cold dungeon. My metabolism is low."

"Hn."

Sasuke helped him to the bathroom so they could wash up a bit before dinner—including the smudge of oil on Sasuke's cheek.

Kakashi pulled his mask down and splashed water on his face without looking at the mirror. He dried his hands and face then he looked at his reflection.

It was the first time Kakashi saw himself in a mirror since he was captured. His body was boney and discolored. He could see every rib and his stomach was hallow. There were blotches of black, blue, purple, and brown all over his body. His face and most of his arms were the only unmarred parts of his body. But his face was skeletal and his beard had grown in. He didn't recognize himself.

He stopped his examination of his body when he noticed Sasuke's reflection. Sasuke was staring at him, looking at his reaction. His face didn't betray any emotion, but just the way he was trying to gage him said something.

Kakashi pulled his mask up and went back into the bedroom. He redressed and resumed his now normal place in Sasuke's bed. Sasuke sat cross-legged at the foot, facing him. Kakashi shifted; his body still tender from Sasuke's . . . ministrations in the dungeon.

"You'll recover. I didn't do anything to you I haven't done before; I made sure you wouldn't have any lasting injuries. I had my personal medic look you over. Malnourished and bruised, but you'll recover completely. I may not have seemed careful, but I know where the line is."

"How do you know?"

Sasuke's sigh was almost inaudible. Whether it was the topic or talking in general that irritated him, Kakashi wasn't sure. "Orochimaru wasn't actually a sadist; he didn't really care about the pain he inflicted on others, but not quite a sociopath; he was too consumed with his own goals to care about others. Kabuto was cruel, but he was also too focused on results to care about others. I was the sadist. I took over interrogating prisoners; some were truly evil men. No one cared what I did and that's where I discovered my . . . fetish. I was never sexual with Orochimaru or Kabuto, just the prisoners. I learned the line. I learned to control it and use it for torture or for pleasure. I staggered the line with you. Believe me, if I had really wanted to hurt you, really hurt you, you'd never get an erection again. And the penetration could have been as excruciating as anything else I did."

"Well, thank you for that."

"You're welcome. I didn't want to use my Sharingan on you, so I'm glad you finally broke. There's no fun in using a genjutsu."

"That is what I feared. I've been trapped in a Sharingan genjutsu before and I truly feared what you might subject me to. I'm not sure, in retrospect, which would be worse, what you did or your choice in genjutsu."

Sasuke smirked. "I'm a sadist so the genjutsu would not just force the words from you, it would have been more torture; the cruelest physiological torture."

"I'm glad I broke."

"It was the contrast: going from extreme pain to pleasure. If you were a masochist, the subspace would have broken you, but because you don't feel pleasure in pain and submission, it took real pleasure to break you. The pleasure was accentuated by the pain you endured. Your orgasm drained you of the last of your energy."

Sasuke looked warmly at Kakashi's masked face. Kakashi was uncomfortable with Sasuke's attention. He wondered what Sasuke was thinking, remembering, to inspire that fond look. His train of thought must have led him to their time together as a team in Konoha because Sasuke's smirk lost its mirth.

"Konoha sent another team to search for you. I expect Tsunade to come out and just ask soon."

"I don't want any type of conflict with your village," Kakashi said. "I objected to the mission, but I couldn't disobey orders."

"I don't blame you; I punished you already." Sasuke twisted around and let his legs dangle over the side of the bed and he lay back with a sigh. "I don't want to go to war."

Kakashi marveled at this less hostile Sasuke. The young man who wanted to kill everyone now feared conflict. He was afraid of shadows that might not coalesce into anything.

Sayeko knocked before coming in with another shinobi carrying trays of food. Sasuke helped Kakashi stand and walk out into the living room and to the low dining table. He helped Kakashi settle on a cushion and Sasuke sat opposite him. Sayeko and her assistant laid out the dishes then departed.

"I hear Naruto's finally started a relationship with Hinata," Sasuke said after a few silent minutes.

Kakashi was a little surprised by Sasuke's choice of topics, but not surprised to hear that Naruto had come to his senses. "I'm glad he's finally returning her feelings."

"I'm just glad he's not dating Sakura."

"Why? You never had feelings for her."

"No, but she doesn't deserve his love; his love for her was never real; it was a crush. Same for her feelings for me; she never understood me, never. If she knew my heart, she would have gone about things differently and probably would have given up on me long ago. She just thought I was cute and cool, she didn't understand that 'cool' attitude was born of deep pain. But Hinata's feelings were always so strong and real. Even I noticed that. She used to stalk him, standing behind street corners, silently cheering him on. Her love was real and something I was actually jealous of. They're good for each other. Like putting he and I on a team: he needs to be balanced out."

Kakashi chuckled. "You're right. I hope you'll come back for their wedding. It would mean a lot to Naruto."

"In the end, we are friends. I'll attend. If we're not at war."

"You really fear it will come to that?"

"I don't know. I just can't understand why she sent you. Is there some kind of message meant in sending you?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed, analyzing the situation and hoping for new information.

"I can't image there is; you were never meant to know I was the one sent. I do know you well—I trained you; she probably wanted my perspective."

"I thought I sensed you out there. It wasn't until you were trying to leave that we knew there was a spy in our midst. As expected of my sensei; you were right under my nose."

Sasuke's smirk was very near a real smile. But it faded quickly. He stopped eating and actually looked a little nauseous.

"Sasuke?"

"It's just stress. There's a lot going on politically right now. Your being here is just one of many incidents."

"You've had other breaches?"

"Attempted. You were the only one to get through. We think. We gained too much power too quickly." He sighed. "You may not have meant to tell me our weaknesses, but I'm very grateful. We've buttoned up our defenses. Konoha wasn't the only ones we detected today. I should have built this village in one of Orochimaru's underground warrens. I feel safer underground."

For the first time, Kakashi noticed the lack of windows. "We're underground?"

"Second sub-floor. Most people think I live on an upper floor, but I can't stand being so exposed. It's bad enough my office is up there. I don't keep my back to the windows though."

"I thought you lived on the fourth floor."

"You were supposed to think that. I have a shinobi who styles his hair like mine living up there; a decoy."

Kakashi's heart froze. "How many attempts on your life?"

"Three were here to kill me; we stopped them before they could get close to me."

Kakashi didn't like hearing that assassins were sent to kill his former student. "Did you torture them the way you did me?"

That evil smirk was back. "Jealous? No. They all broke much sooner. Two, three days. We sent them all home in the end. The assassins were sent back minus bodies, just the heads. I felt I had to make a point."

Kakashi chuckled despite the grisly means of sending the prisoners back.

Sasuke resumed eating.

"Which villages are threatening you? Other than Konoha."

"All of them. All Five Great Shinobi Nations. Suna sent one of the assassins. I didn't realize I pissed Gaara off that badly. Probably that sister of his; she's a bloodthirsty one. Kumo's two assassins I understand."

When they were finished, Sasuke summoned Sayeko with another burst of chakra. She came in and cleared the dishes.

Alone again, Sasuke helped Kakashi back to their former positions on the bed.

"She's your student?" Kakashi asked once they were settled.

Sasuke nodded. "I train her when I have time. She's a genjutsu user and has lightning nature. I take her with me when I go out on missions; I can't stand being stuck in an office. She's a good kunoichi."

"How good?" Kakashi asked slowly.

Sasuke frowned, a subtle but noticeable change to his normal expression. "She is cute and female, but I have no intention of fathering children on her. I honestly don't care about gender, but men just seem less vulnerable, so I prefer them. She's too good a kunoichi to force to stay home and bare children. I'll find someone else to fulfill that duty. She's also too young for me; she's only fourteen despite her looks."

Kakashi marveled at how candid Sasuke was being. He was completely at ease talking about the security of his country and village and even his private life. "Why are you confiding so much to me?"

"Objecting? Weren't you here to gather information?"

"Exactly."

"Hn."

"No one to talk to?"

"Sayeko is too young. She's trustworthy and loyal, but I don't want her to know how tenuous our situation is. Juugo and I understand each other without words. Anyone else who would advise me I don't entirely trust. I trust you."

"I tried to kill you, I'm a shinobi of another village, and I haven't trusted you in years."

"I never felt any malice from you except when you fought Zabuza; never directed at me."

"Even when I tried to kill you, I didn't _want_ to kill you," Kakashi agreed.

"I did actually fear you when you appeared as we fed Naruto while he was tied to that log."

Kakashi smiled warmly at the memory; he didn't reveal the thought that he believed passing them was a mistake. Yet, even knowing all that would happen, he didn't know what he would have changed. Maybe not leaving Sasuke in that tree after he stopped Sasuke and Naruto from killing each other—and probably Sakura—on that hospital rooftop.

"I've always trusted you. I had moments of doubt, but I trusted you. When you looked back at us and said you never let your teammates die, I felt reassured. Even if you were lying, I trusted in you."

"I was lying. But I always went into every situation with that goal in mind."

"I really am happy you're here," Sasuke said. "When I was told it was you, my heart sped up. I was elated. Then I grew depressed. They sent _you_ to probe my defenses. It hurt. Not just that Konoha is testing me, but that they were using you. Tsunade had to know that would be like a kunai in my ribs."

"I believe she sent the best shinobi for the job, not someone to hurt you."

Sasuke smiled. It was mirthless. He crawled over and pulled Kakashi's head forward so he could lean his forehead against Kakashi's. "She had to know you were a wound that was easily reopened." He kissed Kakashi's cheek, right under his eye, and pulled back. "Rest. I have more work to do. I'll have a shinobi at the door if you need anything. Drink," he nodded to the ewer on the bedside table. "You're still very dehydrated."

Sasuke grabbed his gear and left the suite.

That was why Kakashi didn't want to become Hokage and had forced the delay in taking over for Tsunade. Kakashi could see the stress. A shinobi's life was filled with stress with every mission: survival, upholding their loyalty, protecting their comrades, protecting civilians, getting the job done. But a Kage saw the stresses of every mission and the overall picture. Balancing alliances and loyalties and treaties and looking after their interests were stresses Kakashi never wanted. His heart bled for Sasuke.

Kakashi forced himself to take Sasuke's advice and poured himself a cup of water and drank it. Even thought he was dehydrated, he didn't really want to drink. He could feel the food and water reinvigorating his blood, but he knew he could sleep. He had to stand and get to the wall to turn off the light. By the time he hobbled back to bed, his leg muscles were screaming and he was exhausted. He crawled in and dug in under the blanket and promptly fell asleep.

xxxxx

He was alone when he woke up. He was thirsty and drank greedily from the ewer. His body was stiff and in pain. He wondered how long he'd been asleep. With no windows and no clock, Kakashi had no clue what time of day it was. Since Sasuke wasn't in bed, he figured it was daytime, but that wasn't a certainty.

He stretched and then just laid there for a while. He was officially bored. He wasn't used to being without work and when he was, he had his books. He couldn't even hop out of bed and do a hundred pushups in his condition.

Sasuke came in some time later, looking like he'd just woken. "Hungry?"

"Yeah, a little."

"Been up long?"

"Unknown."

Sasuke's face eased from his normal morning scowl that Kakashi remembered from all those years ago.

Sasuke went to the door and ordered breakfast be brought.

Kakashi was a little slow to put things together, but his mind was muddled. Sasuke had just woken up; he'd slept in another room. Smart, he supposed. There was an admitted spy sleeping in his bed, an enemy shinobi he couldn't fully trust while he was asleep. But it hurt.

It wasn't Sayeko who brought their meal today, but an unremarkable male shinobi who was as emotionless and as good at ignoring Kakashi as the best servant. Kakashi hobbled to the table on his own.

Sasuke was silent, as was his wont when he woke up. The only thing Kakashi knew Sasuke to hate more than waking up in the morning when they were a team was Itachi. Now he suspected waking up was probably on the top of that list.

"Anymore?" Kakashi asked.

"Hn?" Sasuke was startled by the sudden voice and he really didn't understand.

"Anymore spies?"

"None. Not in the last eighteen hours. The last ones were those scouts from Konoha. We just chased them back over the border. We have more patrols."

"When can I go outside?"

"Stir-crazy?"

"Bored and I'm sleeping too much."

"You're sleeping to heal; I put you through hell."

"Can I just get to an open window?"

Sasuke considered. "The doctor will take you upstairs and to the terrace in the back. He'll work you there until you're too tired. You need air. The only air you got was when we brought you from the dungeon. I'm not afraid of you trying to leave; you can go outside for a while."

"Thank you."

Sasuke got up and geared back up. As he left, he said, "Don't go running off."

xxxxx

By the time they reached ground level and the back terrace, Kakashi was exhausted. The doctor let him rest in the open air. To smell the trees again and fresh air was so wonderful. He didn't even realize he missed the outdoors until now. He just wanted air, but now he wanted to revel in it, just lie on the grass and suck in lungs full.

Then the sun lifted over the trees and a gap in the clouds. It was so warm on his skin, seasoning the air. The thin clouds swallowed the sun again, but it was still a beautiful day. It could have been a muggy miserable day and Kakashi would have called it pleasant.

However, just standing and catching a weighted ball was stressing. It almost made him cry from the fatigue and the fact he could barely do what five year olds do for fun. He would get stronger and he would recover. After they were finished, it took him and the doctor half an hour to get back down to Sasuke's room; he had to stop every so often because of his screaming muscles. It was so stressful that he didn't catch one detail of the corridors that he normally would as a spy.

He lay down in the unmade bed and let his body sink into the bedding and his joints and muscles ease and pop into their proper places. The doctor made him sit right back up to drink a large glass of nutrients. Then he left him to rest.

His body temperature had dropped so low while in the dungeon, but the rehabilitation had swung his metabolism back the other way and his body was radiating heat. He just lay there letting the heat pulse out of his body as well as sweat trying to cool his fevered flesh. He felt so sickly and weak. All he could do was lay there.

Sasuke came in hours later and crawled over his body, waking him from a doze. His sweat had dried and his heart calmed down in the interim, but Sasuke could see evidence of his work out on his skin. Sasuke could also smell him, but he was far from repulsed. He purposely sniffed him.

"Are you hungry?"

"I don't want to eat."

"I'll force you to later. Right now, I'm asking . . ." His eyes were hot.

Kakashi understood. "As long as you don't expect me to move."

"I do enjoy sex with a man who's bound. Exhausted to the point of paralysis is just as good."

"I don't know if you have a dark streak a mile wide or just a light streak in the dark."

"I think I'm half and half."

Sasuke kissed him, just touched their lips together. His tongue peaked out to taste Kakashi's dry lips. Kakashi's hand slid up Sasuke's upper arm into his soft hair and pulled his head further down to deepen the kiss. Sasuke didn't just kiss back, he lowered his hips to rub his body against Kakashi's in a sinuous motion.

Trying not to break the kiss, Sasuke reached between them and tore at the drawstring of Kakashi's loose pants and drove his hand underneath. He fished about, frustrated by his boxers, until he found Kakashi's hard cock. He growled with victory and lightly bit Kakashi's lower lip.

Sasuke disengaged from Kakashi's lips to look into his pleasure clouded eyes as he stroked his cock.

"You're not as cold to the touch as you were," Sasuke whispered. "Too bad you don't like to eat anything sweet. I'll have to find another way to fatten you up."

Before Kakashi could conceive of a retort, Sasuke's thumb slid over the head of his cock and made Kakashi gasp. He then ran his palm over the underside of his cock as his fingers moved to tease his entrance.

"It's the intestines and colon that absorb nutrients," Sasuke continued. "I'm sure you'll benefit from some zinc, protein, and fluids."

Sasuke sat up to strip them both. Kakashi helped by lifting his hips and back.

Sasuke really was beautiful. Kakashi's eyes grazed on that pale body. _Someone needs to sculpt a statue of that physique,_ Kakashi thought.

Seeing his former sensei's fascination with his body, Sasuke picked up Kakashi's hand and guided it to his chest. Kakashi trailed his fingers in the definition lines, tracing the details of his musculature. Most of his body was hard with well-trained muscle.

Sasuke leaned in closer and Kakashi let his hand venture up to his throat and then his cheek. His cheek was soft, as was his hair. Sasuke shut his eyes and leaned into the touch like a cat. When his eyes opened, they were soft and warm and loving. Sasuke then guided his hand to his mouth and he took two of Kakashi's fingers into his mouth. His warm wet mouth reminded Kakashi of fingering a woman. Then that tongue came into play and Kakashi couldn't help but imagine that feeling on his cock. And the look on Sasuke's face, as if he was receiving pleasure by doing it, his lips closed around his fingers like a cock, and his eyes, shut in pleasure at first, opened to look down at him seductively. If his cock were in Sasuke mouth, all other things being equal, he would have cum hard from just those few seconds in his mouth.

Sasuke pulled Kakashi's wrist down to his side and Sasuke moved over Kakashi and offered his own fingers to Kakashi to suck on. Kakashi obeyed and his other hand continued its exploration of Sasuke's body. Unlike Sasuke, Kakashi was too embarrassed to open his eyes while he sucked on his fingers.

Sasuke used his fingers to open Kakashi's mouth so that his lips wouldn't scrape his saliva from them as he pulled them out. Sasuke's hand went back in between Kakashi's legs and pressed against his tight hole.

Sasuke pulled back to add a bit more lubrication from a tube he'd brought to the bed with him. He slid a finger inside him and rubbed at the ring of muscle that still wasn't used to penetration. Smooth skin and rough calluses gave a variety of sensations that let Kakashi relax and actually desire to be spread further open and entered. A second finger joined the first and he started shallowly pushing them in and out and rotating his wrist. It felt good, it didn't sting; it just reminded him of the pleasure of their second time together.

Sasuke lowered his lips to Kakashi's neck. "Do you want it?" Sasuke whispered.

"Yes," Kakashi breathed.

Sasuke licked his neck over the tendon, his breath causing Kakashi's skin to pucker. His whole body felt extra sensitive.

Sasuke removed his fingers and eased Kakashi's legs open. Another application of lubricant and the smooth head of Sasuke's cock touched Kakashi's heated hole. Sasuke slowly pressed his erection against him, breeching him gradually. Kakashi's body accepted the head of his cock and then closed tightly around the shaft.

Sasuke gasped. "Fuck, you're still so tight." That actually made Kakashi reflexively tighten causing Sasuke to moan.

Kakashi relaxed a little and Sasuke pressed in more. The smooth skin of Sasuke's shaft felt good sliding through his anal ring. The head of his cock continued to burrow deeper into his body and Kakashi relished the added heat pulsing deep inside his body.

When Sasuke was fully sheathed inside Kakashi's body, he didn't hesitate long before pulling almost all the way out and thrusting back in a bit faster. He built up speed with every thrust until he was fucking him with a quick, powerful rhythm.

It felt so good that it hurt. His prostate was being hammered, sending flashes of pleasure up his spine as well as over-sensitized pain. But fuck it felt good. A change in angle as Sasuke shifted to better fuck him took away the pain. Kakashi just wanted to drown in the pleasure and endorphins.

Sasuke pressed Kakashi's legs up and out, giving him more leverage. He drove into him savagely as his orgasm approached. He thrust in hard and came, filling his lover with semen. He rested his forehead on Kakashi's when he was spent. Kakashi put his hands on Sasuke's lower back and slid his hands up to his upper back. Sasuke huffed and smiled.

His deflating cock slipped out as Sasuke pulled back. He moved back to grab Kakashi's cock and moved down to give it a long lick up the side. Kakashi nearly came from that alone. Sasuke's evil nature came to the forefront as he pulled his lips back to expose his teeth and moved his mouth toward the head of Kakashi's cock. Kakashi's heart sped up in fear.

Sasuke, amused my Kakashi's fear, touched his upper teeth to it and let the sharp edges glide down over the tip, but not with enough pressure for it to hurt. Instead, the gentle scraping made Kakashi's testicles tighten. Then his teeth caught the weeping slit and that made his eyes roll back.

"See? I know control." Sasuke's breath teased the heated flesh.

"Fuck."

Sasuke smiled and put his fist around him and rubbed his thumb over the head, smearing his precum around it. Kakashi was so close already that that was enough to make him cum hard.

Sasuke let go of Kakashi's cock and, ignoring the cum on his hand. He used a thumb to scrape off the stringy rope of cum near the corner of his mouth. He licked it off his thumb.

Kakashi moaned. "Sasuke," he sighed.

Sasuke leaned down to kiss the v-line where his hip met his stomach and down to the side of his groin in a purely affectionate gesture. His lick of that same area was more erotic. His soiled hand smeared Kakashi's essence over his own hip.

"You are an evil little bastard."

"For which act?"

"For all of them together."

Sasuke smiled genuinely and crawled up to give him a brief kiss. "Hungry now?"

"No. Not at all."

Sasuke pouted. "You must eat. I'll not have you waste away. Any further."

"You'll just have to feed me again."

"If I must," Sasuke said with a smirk. His eyes darted over Kakashi's face and then he kissed him again. "Then again, skipping one meal won't kill either of us."

Sasuke snuggled in half on top of Kakashi and they drifted off together.

xxxxx

Kakashi woke up with hunger pangs. The lights were still on and he saw a pale back and ebony hair right in front of him as he lay on his side. Sasuke had stayed and fell asleep with him. Kakashi smiled. He ignored his hunger and snuggled up behind Sasuke. Sasuke didn't react, fast asleep. Kakashi pulled the blanket up further over them both and let himself fall back to sleep.

xxxxx

Kakashi was ravenous when Sasuke accidently woke him as he was slipping out of bed.

"Please tell me you're ordering breakfast," Kakashi mumbled against the pillow.

"I'll order more than rice and fruit," Sasuke promised. He pulled on a robe and went to the outer door.

Kakashi lay there a bit longer, so tired, but far too hungry to go back to sleep. He heard the deep rumble of Sasuke's voice in the other room and luxuriated in the still warm sheets. He opened his eyes when he felt the bed dip. Sasuke sat looking down at him.

"You normally don't have a beard, do you?"

"No. It would make the mask uncomfortable."

"It's not unattractive, but I think you should shave it off."

"I don't trust my hand not to shake."

Sasuke smirked. "I can help you with that. We have time before our meal is brought."

Kakashi felt a rush.

Sasuke helped Kakashi up and guided him into the bathroom and sit on the wide edge of the ofuro. As Sasuke prepared the soap and razor, Kakashi noted Sasuke's own stubble. He still thought of Sasuke as something of a child, reminded of the fact he was once under Kakashi's care. Seeing Sasuke's beard struggling to come in struck Kakashi how old Sasuke was now. Nearly nineteen. The beard was struggling to grow low on his jaw. The only Uchiha Kakashi had ever seen with any facial hair only had a goatee. Even if Sasuke let it grow, it'd be sparse and low on his cheeks. He could probably grow a reasonable mustache though.

Kakashi's beard came up mid-cheek. It wasn't thick but more respectable than anything Sasuke could grow. But being white, it was nearly invisible against his pale skin.

Sasuke spread the foaming soap over Kakashi's lower face and throat, rinsed his hands, and took up the straight razor. Kakashi was nervous, but trusted Sasuke to have a steady hand.

Sasuke scraped the soap and hair carefully from Kakashi's throat. His eyes were focused and he seemed completely consumed with the task. Kakashi relaxed and stared absently over Sasuke's head.

Being shaved was embarrassing at first, but doing it was a subservient act. Despite that, Kakashi didn't feel like the powerful or dominant one. Sasuke did have a blade to his throat. Kakashi felt a little humbled by Sasuke's attention.

When Sasuke finished with his throat, he tilted Kakashi's head down so it was difficult to keep his eyes from focusing on Sasuke's intent face. He was so beautiful. Especially when he was focused. His eyes were nearly black, but close up, there were dark shades of gray that blended to give the impression his eyes were infinitely deep, black pools. They were almost more hypnotic than a Sharingan.

Sasuke finished and toweled the remaining soap from Kakashi's face.

"Better," Sasuke said.

He finally did recognize himself again when he went to rinse off his face. The mirror proved Sasuke didn't nick him once.

"Better," Kakashi agreed.

"Hn. I like the beard too. But I prefer this."

xxxxx

Kakashi was sleeping less and had the strength and calories to work more on recovering. He also had more time to think.

He wondered what was happing in Konoha, if anyone was concerned about him yet, but probably no one but Tsunade knew he was overdue. Mr. Ukki, the plant Naruto had given him, was in the care of his neighbor while he was on a long mission. In retrospect, his habit of having someone plant-sit for him during long missions did give away a little too much information about his missions.

His nin-ken were probably missing him, but everyone else would just assume he was on a mission and not worry.

Naruto and Hinata dating. Poor girl might suffer heart failure from blushing so much. Kakashi had thought it was a bad match considering Naruto's hyper personality and Hinata's quiet demeanor, but Naruto calmed down after the war. He was more worldly, but retained that youthful optimism. Facing death, having a friend die for his sake, being exposed to the lies and plots of the shinobi world, receiving the respect of the village he so desired, temporarily losing an arm, and attaining his goal of reuniting with Sasuke had matured him.

Naruto was no longer the loud, hyper knucklehead who used to yell and charge in. He still took on missions, but he was also going on diplomatic missions to other Great Shinobi Nations since he inspired everyone to believe in him and proved their trust was well placed. He and Sasuke had their missing arms replaced so neither of them were impaired. Naruto was even training Konohamaru senjutsu. Kakashi had no doubt Naruto would become Hokage by decade's end.

Hinata had also matured. The war had given her confidence. She was also stronger for having stood up for Naruto in his battle with Pain. She was still shy though when Kakashi last saw her.

Sakura too. She had given up on Sasuke and rather than finding another man to fixate on, she'd thrown herself into work and training, wanting to surpass Tsunade. She'd grown out of girlish crushes and realized her life shouldn't revolve around a boy. He rarely saw her anymore and when he did she never mentioned Sasuke.

It made him sad for some reason. He couldn't put his finger on it. Then he realized what it was: his students had grown up. This must be what parents feel like when their kids become chunin.

And then there was Sasuke. He'd grown past revenge and hatred and settled down into a position of responsibility.

His kids were all grown up.

Damn, he felt old.

He frowned. Sasuke had indeed matured. Grown into a sadist. Yet, Kakashi had to smile; Sasuke had become a man who commanded fear and respect. He was truly proud of Sasuke; he was proud of all three of his students. Kakashi often lost himself in thinking about all the ways he failed with Obito and Rin, but perhaps his students were one instance where he didn't fail.

And yet. Sasuke had a cruel side to him and was dour and domineering in the extreme. Then there was the whole running away from the village, joining up with two different enemies of Konoha, nearly killing all the members of his old team, and threatening to destroy his home town. But he hadn't actually killed anyone or attacked Konoha. In fact, he'd come to their rescue, joining the fight against his own family. He'd never actually betrayed Konoha. And when he created his own village, he chose to become allies with Konoha rather than rivals.

No, Kakashi could take pride in Sasuke. Even if he was still a dour, sadistic, literal pain in the ass.

Laying in Sasuke's bed, alone, after a long work out with his physical therapist, Kakashi let a goofy, affectionate smile crawl across his lips.

Yeah, Sasuke was a sadist, but he could be kind and affectionate. Like a guard dog that barked at every person except his master who he snuggled up with at night. A vicious wolf that protected his pack.

His eyes slid closed.

And Sasuke only tortured and raped him to protect his own village. Sort of. They all knew why Kakashi was there. It was a power game to Sasuke. So maybe it wasn't to protect anyone. Sasuke just had the capacity to be cruel, controlling, and manipulative. He was a sadist. It was in Sasuke's nature. It was probably in the nature of all Uchiha from what Kakashi could see. Even Obito and Itachi were manipulative and made people suffer despite their real, kind personalities. Sasuke really couldn't be blamed for his actions.

That's right, he's Obito's cousin. He didn't rush around helping old women, but Sasuke was still kind when they were in Konoha. He would stop and help people as they walked through the village to and from small missions back then. He'd offered his lunch to Naruto during the bell test. He was selfish and arrogant, but he'd been prepared to sacrifice his life to save Naruto's in their fight with Haku.

Kakashi's breathing grew deeper as he thought about Itachi. He looked so sad in Kakashi's memory. Sasuke had that look sometimes now.

Uchiha were sadists by nature, but they were also innately kind.

His own rumbling inhale made him open his eyes for a moment. But just for a moment.

And manipulative. They were innately manipulative. Itachi was a master of it. He and Obito were skilled liars. They were manipulative on a whole other level than normal people, deceiving and influencing the people they cared about and even the closest and most evil people around them.

The whole clan was like that. Orochimaru believed he had his coils secure around Sasuke. So did Obito. Sasuke didn't lie, but he made everyone see what he wanted them to see. The Uchiha didn't even need a Sharingan, but it helped. Not for a 'long con' though. That took pure, ingrained talent. A talent for manipulation.

His mind wandered further until Sasuke was a snake trying to hypnotize him and Itachi was a snake charmer and Obito was trying to capture Sasuke. It got completely nonsensical from there.

Kakashi slipped off as Tsunade lost a bet that resulted in Konoha being owned by Jiraiya who demanded all the shinobi act out his novels.

In green spandex.

xxxxx

It took over a week, but Kakashi finally had enough strength back to join Sasuke in a walk outside.

Kakashi had seen the village of Kazaguruma [AN: pinwheel] when he was spying, but it was strange to walk openly like this, especially with Sasuke at his side. It was a lovely day with a breeze twirling the dozens of pinwheels that adorned the shops along the main road.

Sasuke had essentially gone home after the war. Not to Konoha, but to Oto. He stepped into the leadership position left open by 'killing' Orochimaru and took over Oto and its home country. Orochimaru had decided not to try to take over Sasuke again, recognizing the impossible when he saw it, but supported him from the shadows, living somewhere in the country on a short leash. Finding him was a task Kakashi had failed in and was quite content to have failed—the man had always creeped him out and intimidated him.

Sasuke also absorbed the Land of Hot Water and the Land of Tea to create the Land of Windmills. He now had a long country that hugged the northern border of the Land of Fire. That could have made Tsunade feel protected or threatened. She apparently chose threatened.

Kumo had reason to fear Sasuke since only the small Land of Frost stood between them. Kiri, Iwa, and Suna really had nothing to fear from him. He was at peace with the Land of Iron after apologizing to the prideful samurai—even getting on his knees—for attacking the Kage Conference, but the Land of Waterfalls feared they might be his next conquest.

From listening to people talk while he covertly skulked about, Kakashi knew the people loved Sasuke despite outsiders having seen Sasuke's accumulation of land as conquest. Regime change didn't bother the common people; they now felt very well protected with a large powerful shinobi village headed by one of the two most powerful shinobi in the world.

Now Kakashi could see their admiration. People bowed and addressed Sasuke with respect. When he was spying, Kakashi had avoided getting anywhere near Sasuke, so he never saw firsthand how much the people loved him.

But what shocked Kakashi was the look on Sasuke's face: he was content. Sasuke wasn't scowling and even smiled softly at people who addressed him.

Kakashi's digestive system had rebounded after all Sasuke's care, so they went to a restaurant. Once their food was brought, Kakashi said, "You seem to really be at home here."

"This is my home."

"When Konoha was your home, you never looked so at ease."

"Konoha stopped being my home when my family died. It may not be wise, but I trust the people who congregated around me here."

"I'm happy for you, Sasuke. Even when I intended to kill you, I never actually wished you ill; I just wanted to save you."

"I know. I don't hold anything against you."

Kakashi drew a breath to speak, but Sasuke hushed him.

"I never thought I'd accuse you of talking too much. You were never exactly chatty. Other than reading porn, I never did find out what your _many_ hobbies were."

"You didn't have any."

Sasuke considered him. "Assigning myself missions, walking, meditation, BDSM. Keeping my head clear."

"Reading and training with my nin-ken."

"Hn."

When their meals arrived, they ate in silence for several minutes. Kakashi stared at the pinwheels spinning in the breeze across the street. Many were painted to look like Sharingans, some were painted like Sasuke and Itachi's Mangekyo Sharingans and Sasuke's Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan. The pinwheels were nearly as hypnotic as the real thing.

"You said Naruto needed to be balanced out," Kakashi said out of nowhere. "What about us?"

"I think we weigh the same; we're balanced."

"The same?"

"We're both alone."

So were a lot of people, but when Sasuke said, it carried more weight and Kakashi felt it in his bones that Sasuke was right. They were both alone in the most profound way: no family whatsoever and no close friends. Had anyone but Sasuke said that, it would not have been anywhere near as profound.

"How many lovers do you have?"

Sasuke's eyes moved to look around, but he didn't move his head. He deemed their table private enough to answer. "One woman, three men. I wouldn't call them lovers; a lot of what we do doesn't include sex. Juugo is different; he all but worships me. It's a different relationship though I don't love him. I appreciate him, but I don't love him—or the other four. Just you." Sasuke's cold, narrow eyes softened and warmed becoming very nearly seductive.

Kakashi laughed. It was all so ridiculous. Sasuke was the most asexual young man Kakashi had ever known back in Konoha—he completely believed Sasuke when he said it took a bit of work to arouse him. He could have bedded half his age group had he had the inclination. And now he had a stable of lovers and was in love with him of all people. Of all people in the world, Sasuke had feelings— _feelings_ —for him.

"Sasuke . . . I just can't reconcile it all. Why me?"

Sasuke seriously considered the question as he continued to eat. "As I said, I feel safe with you. You're handsome, skilled, almost a father figure to me, but not enough to make that creepy at this point. I always enjoyed your personality even if I acted annoyed. You're also all I have left of my past."

"You know, you could have had more."

"Naruto, Sakura, Konoha . . . I don't want them. Once, I truly did want to be friends with Naruto, but my own pride got in the way and then Itachi got in the way. There were even points during those three years I was gone that I wanted it. But when we fought on the same side in the war, I realized that even though we did make a good team, the fact we really acknowledged each other was enough. We are friends, but I don't need him here next to me. Sakura I never felt anything at all except as a teammate. Konoha never meant much to me and after I learned the truth about Itachi, I hated Konoha. I still do, deep down. You are the only person living from my past I want with me. I was willing to live the rest of my life with nothing of my past around me, but now that you're here, I feel I need you at my side."

"I did miss you terribly," Kakashi admitted. "Before you fought with us against Madara and Kaguya, I would have done just about anything to bring you home."

"What about after?"

"You were no longer in danger and you were an ally. You didn't want to come home, but I was certain you were safe. I couldn't force you to come home when you didn't want to, especially after you expressed how much you loathed Konoha. Why should you come home at that point? Just to make Naruto, Sakura, and I happy? You would have been miserable. Before, we wanted to save you—from Orochimaru and then from yourself—but to want to take you back to Konoha now would just be pure selfishness."

Sasuke dipped his head in agreement. "The fact Naruto thought the same is proof he's finally maturing. I'm glad you both finally respect my wishes. Of course, my wanting to keep you here is that same selfishness."

Kakashi wasn't relishing going home. The thought of being sent home caused his heart to leap in panic. He wasn't sure it was selfishness at this point.

xxxxx

After their outing together, Kakashi was freed to leave not only Sasuke's room, but the building. He had to have an escort though.

Sasuke led Kakashi into the corridor after breakfast to meet his shepherd.

"Kakashi-san," the young man bowed respectfully.

Sasuke snorted with amusement, trying not to laugh. "Don't kill each other." He left them.

"You may call me Shou. I am your guard, tour guide, and jailer." The young man was dressed all in black and wore an ANBU style mask, though it was featureless like Kiri's hunter-nin's. The village's symbol of a four pointed pinwheel was pained in red on the forehead, the eyes were almond-shaped holes, but they were accented with black paint. There was a slit over the mouth to help the man breathe; this was also accented to give him a stern look.

"Guard? Are some people displeased that I'm here?"

"Very few. I'm guarding you from Konoha assassins."

Kakashi nodded. It was a grim reality of being a shinobi.

Kakashi was impressed with this young man: he was calm, alert, and didn't slouch or complain as he escorted Kakashi wherever he wanted to go.

Kakashi just wandered the village, stretching his legs and exercising them. Shou was silent and just short of openly hostile, but Kakashi ignored him; he trusted Sasuke and Shou's fear and respect for Sasuke.

His meandering path led him to the cemetery. There was a civilian cemetery that had a handful of graves, this being a new village rather than a preexisting one that Sasuke turned into a shinobi village. Next to it was a shinobi cemetery. There was a section set aside for those who were missing and presumed dead; there were two stones there. In the other part of the graveyard, there were only three graves.

Kakashi had only taken note of the number of dead before, but now he was curious to see who these people were. The two MIA shinobi and two of the others were unknown to him. One was old enough that he probably died of old age rather than in action.

But the first grave held Kakashi's interest. It was Itachi's. It was a simple grave, no more elaborate than its neighbors. Of course, Sasuke was not ostentatious. The only difference was there was the Uchiha fan rather than the pinwheel symbol. There were also several bunches of flowers rather than just the one bundle on each of the others. Otherwise it was very clean and there was a lingering scent of incense. That scent was familiar.

"Sasuke visits every day, doesn't he?" Kakashi asked Shou.

Shou didn't respond. Kakashi smirked. Not information to give a spy or possible assassin.

"I'd bet he comes here and gets lost in his own thoughts. He's often late, isn't he? Giving lame excuses? It'd be funny if he did."

Shou didn't answer or move, but he seemed to be uncomfortable.

Kakashi was overwhelmed with sadness. He remembered the young, large eyed boy who joined ANBU and then became the youngest captain in the village's history. He sacrificed everything for Konoha and his brother. He was a great shinobi and Kakashi grieved not only for his death, but that he was forced to live his life the way he did, always lying, hiding his true self even from his beloved brother.

Kakashi knelt and prayed. "I should have brought an offering," he said as he stood. "I knew him. Are his remains really here?"

Shou hesitated. "Yes. After he died, the man known as Tobi took his body back to his base along with Sasuke-sama who had collapsed after the fight. Sasuke-sama brought his ashes here when he founded the village."

Kakashi sighed. "Of all the habits he could inherit from his sensei, I hope visiting graves every day isn't one of them."

Shou was less hostile after their stop at the cemetery. When they got back to Sasuke's suite, Shou came in with him and shut the door.

"I don't agree with Sasuke-sama turning his back to you. I don't trust you or any shinobi from other villages. I know you're now his lover and he does . . . care for you. That alone protects you here. However, I think I understand why he trusts you. Do not betray it."

"Shou-san, are you one of Sasuke's lovers?"

Shou completely froze. "Why do think that?"

"Sasuke's reaction to you bowing to me; he nearly laughed. I know better than anyone how rare it is to inspire any reaction from him; he has intimate knowledge of you."

"Lover is not the appropriate word."

"I hope you're not jealous."

"I'm not. I understand my place in Sasuke-sama's life. I hope you understand yours." With that, he left.

Kakashi stood there and thought for a while. What was his place in Sasuke's life? What was his place in the world? What did he want his place to be? Going back to Konoha looked bleak. He would just be going back to a lonely studio apartment, a houseplant, and a bunch of casual acquaintances. A familiar life with no surprises or variety except on missions. But things were relatively peaceful after the war; challenging missions were in short supply. Even if he wouldn't be going on missions if he stayed here, at least he'd have someone in his life.

What did he want his place to be?

xxxxx

Sasuke slept next to him every night; eight nights in a row now. Even as his body healed and could produce enough of its own heat, Kakashi unconsciously sought Sasuke's body heat in the night. Some nights, it was Sasuke who clung to him.

Kakashi slept longer than Sasuke, his body now having to heal from the rebuilding of muscle. Sasuke had lunch with him every day, often waking him, and dinner every night.

Tonight, Sasuke showered first then filled the ofuro while Kakashi showered. When Kakashi finished, Sasuke guided him to join him in the ofuro. Sasuke leaned back and pulled Kakashi to lie back against his chest. Sasuke petted his head, dipping his hand into the hot water to rewet and rewarm Kakashi's hair every once in a while; they were still underground and the air held a constant chill. They didn't speak and didn't do anything sexual; they just lay there in the water together while Sasuke played with his hair. Kakashi thought this might be the height of bliss.

Once the water cooled below their body temperature, they got out and dried. They didn't dress; they got into bed nude. They may not have done anything sexual in the ofuro, but they didn't intend to sleep before they had sex. Kakashi wasn't as weak anymore, but he laid down on his back, knowing Sasuke would be on top.

Sasuke knelt on the bed next to him and took his hand. "Your hands are still cold." He pulled his hand to his chest and Kakashi could feel the warmth seeping into his fingers.

"It stays cold underground," Kakashi said.

"I've lived so long underground I don't really notice anymore. Now that you mention it, I was constantly cold when I first started living with Orochimaru. Your body gets used to it."

Sasuke's eyes grew distant and sad. He left Kakashi's hand on his chest and picked up the other and rubbed warmth back into it.

Sasuke settled down on Kakashi's thighs and ran his hands down Kakashi's chest. His eyes followed his fingertips. He frowned to feel and see a scar on Kakashi's lower ribs, and another below his liver, a cut from the middle of his abdomen down to his left hip bone. Though they'd had sex several times already, Sasuke's attention tended to focus on Kakashi's face or groin. Seeing the scars on his body, the marks left by other people, bothered him. Especially as his own marks—the bruises and welts—were almost all faded to nothing.

The flesh of Kakashi's cock tightened. A rush of arousal flowed through him. Sasuke's eyes were angry. Kakashi understood those eyes: possessiveness. He'd never been the object of someone's jealousy before.

Sasuke traced a third wound just under his heart. That stab was almost fatal. Sasuke stroked it a few times and Kakashi knew Sasuke was considering the fact he might have died.

Sasuke's eyes were focused on that scar as he tactically memorized it. He finally looked at Kakashi's face again. "Don't ever let anyone else put a mark on you."

"I'll try."

Inspired by the thought of other people marking his lover, Sasuke eased his body down on Kakashi and started licking and kissing his neck, then sucking and biting it, making sure there would be a dark mark there by morning.

Satisfied with his work and still horny as hell, Sasuke prepared his lover. Rather than pressing into him, Sasuke moved to the side. "Turn over." Kakashi obeyed and Sasuke slid into his tight body from behind.

Sasuke bent and licked at Kakashi's back while his cock was firmly planted inside him. As his tongue ventured further up, Sasuke's body pressed hard against his and pressed him down into the mattress. Kakashi pushed his ass up and his stomach down. Sasuke put an arm around his chest and pulled his upper body up, forming Kakashi's body into an S shape. Sasuke bit at his shoulder and started moving shallowly, his chest rubbing against Kakashi's back. His hips moved to stir Kakashi's inside's making him moan.

Sasuke moved back, his arm still around Kakashi's chest, pulling him back as well until they were both upright on their knees. The slow, sensuous sex turned to energetic fucking. Sasuke just wanted to rut into him. Kakashi pressed back into him, taking him deep.

Sasuke took his arm away causing Kakashi to drop back to the bed and Sasuke grabbed his hips and pounded into him.

Loathe to end it so quickly, Sasuke slowed down and harshly grabbed at the skin of Kakashi's ass that was still loose from losing muscle mass. His hand moved up his back, pressing hard into his back, forcing him down and still. His other hand went all the way up into Kakashi's hair, threading his fingers in it and using it to control Kakashi's head, pressing it into the pillow then back up so he could breathe freely.

Sasuke couldn't control himself anymore, he put both hands on Kakashi's shoulders, pressing them down, leaving only Kakashi's hips up. Using his shoulders as leverage, Sasuke fucked him hard and fast. He came, his hips snapping back and forth as he shot his cum deep inside Kakashi's body.

Sasuke was spent, but Kakashi's cock was hard and Sasuke wanted to show Kakashi how special he was to him, especially after Sasuke had just focused on his own pleasure. He pulled Kakashi onto his back and straddled his stomach. He reached back and fingered his own asshole, slickening and opening himself up. He wasn't a virgin, but he rarely allowed another to fill him. Once he thought himself ready, he reached further back to coat Kakashi's cock and then aim it at his entrance, shuffling back on his knees to align his opening with Kakashi's erection.

He'd shut his eyes to focus on his actions, but now he opened his eyes to see Kakashi's were wide with shock that Sasuke was going to ride him. Sasuke's lips curled into a soft smile. He lowered himself slowly, not used to this at all. Kakashi didn't move; he let Sasuke ease himself down. Sasuke let out the breath he held when he'd taken all of Kakashi's cock.

"Fuck, you're large. It's been a long time." With that, Sasuke lifted himself up and started fucking himself on Kakashi's hardness. Kakashi bucked up into him, setting a pace with him so that his hips rose as Sasuke descended. It wasn't something Kakashi could keep up for long though and he then let Sasuke ride him at his own pace.

Watching Sasuke move and feeling his wonderful, tight heat embracing and stroking him, Kakashi soon came. Sasuke kept riding him until Kakashi's limp cock slipped from his body.

Sasuke hadn't been hard though he did enjoy the feeling of being fucked. He lay down next to Kakashi and settled in against his side.

"I rarely do that. It's been nearly a year since the last time. Don't be offended that I didn't get hard; I'm wrung dry and it hurt a bit."

"Why'd you do it?"

Sasuke lay an arm on Kakashi's chest. "I wanted to please you, show you that I do love you and you're special to me. I don't allow just anyone to fuck me."

Kakashi was over thirty and facing becoming Hokage—a position he did not want. What was for him at home? Here he had his favorite student and sex better than he'd ever had. Be the consort of a _sato-osa/daimyo_?

Kakashi was tired. He was done thinking. It took an amazing amount of mental discipline to keep silent during torture. His mind was tired. He was warm and comfortable. He felt strangely safe with the man who had ordered his torture and had raped him. He was done thinking about it.

Sasuke turned and laid his head on Kakashi's shoulder. Kakashi pulled him into the most comfortable position for both of them.

It struck Kakashi after a few minutes that they were cuddling. Fucking cuddling! He never felt this content before with anyone. He finger combed Sasuke's hair and he was completely relaxed. He felt something hollow tugging at his heart thinking about being sent back to Konoha.

His heart broke. He loved Sasuke. But loving Sasuke meant turning from Konoha and probably never returning home. The torture was almost like a death and this new relationship was like a rebirth: he could deal with never seeing Konoha again. He was willing to let the past go and stay with Sasuke.

He kissed Sasuke's hair. "I love you, Sasuke."

Sasuke nuzzled in closer. "Good. I love you."


	4. Chapter 4

I hope you really like SasukeXKakashi sex, because I went fucking overboard on this chapter. Enjoy!

Beted by PhoenixInnocence

* * *

Kakashi woke up to a vibrating pillow and the sound of a growl. Sasuke was growling at having to wake up. Kakashi smiled against his lover's chest.

Sasuke sat up, slipping out of Kakashi's arms. He turned and let his legs hang from the bed. He turned on the lamp, but kept his eyes closed.

When Sasuke resumed sleeping in his own room with Kakashi, his clock had returned as well.

"You aren't expected this early," Kakashi mumbled. He wrapped his arms around Sasuke's torso. "Are you going to the cemetery this morning?"

Sasuke became very still.

"Some people go to cemeteries every morning and get lost in thought. They think of the past, mistakes made, what could have been. Too consumed with the dead that they're late to everything. I don't want that for you. Don't go today."

"I won't go today," Sasuke promised.

Kakashi winced. "Good." Kakashi kissed Sasuke's smooth, bare back. "If you were going to be late anyway, why not be late for a good reason?"

"I love you."

Kakashi hummed and licked at his back. "The lame excuse that you stayed in bed with your lover can be true this morning."

Sasuke hummed. "You want me to exchange one bad habit for another."

"It's a good habit," Kakashi said as he raised his lips to Sasuke's neck.

Sasuke turned and used Kakashi's hair to pull his head back. His eyes were squinting and angry with waking, but Kakashi knew he wasn't angry with him. He examined Kakashi's face.

"You are fucking pretty," Sasuke said, throwing Kakashi off guard. Sasuke then kissed him with enough passion to push Kakashi down into the sheets.

Sasuke sat up and poured oil into his hand then returned to kneel over him. He used his oiled hand to stroke Kakashi's erection and returned to kissing him.

With a last nip at his lips, Sasuke raised his head. "Your idea, you do all the work."

"Is that your way of asking me to make love to you?"

"Fuck me, sensei."

Kakashi growled. That word still struck him hard. Kakashi flipped them. He pushed Sasuke's knees to his chest and pressed into Sasuke's body. Kakashi had never topped a man before Sasuke, so he forgot about needing to prepare his lover, but Kakashi was lubed. Kakashi did press with slow, steady pressure which lessened the pain.

Sasuke moaned when the head of his cock spread him open. Sasuke was experienced, but did not let anyone fuck him very often and it had been two days since he rode Kakashi.

"Okay?" Kakashi asked at the strained look on Sasuke's face.

"Yeah, you're just big."

"Thank you."

Sasuke scoffed.

Kakashi pressed in until he was fully seated within him. With Kakashi's hips pressed to his, Sasuke lowered his legs, trapping Kakashi's waist between his knees. He raised a foot to nudge Kakashi's back, prompting him to lean forward. Kakashi almost fell forward, his hands landing near Sasuke's shoulders.

A little surprised, Kakashi looked down at Sasuke's face. His eyes were at half mast, still sleepy and his long bangs were flung back. He was beautiful.

"Are you just going to stare at me?"

"You're worth staring at."

That made Sasuke smile. It was beautiful and contagious. Kakashi wondered how many people had ever seen Sasuke smile. Not many.

Sasuke let his knees fall to the side, giving Kakashi room to move. He also rolled his hips up to give him a better angle.

Kakashi used his hands at Sasuke's shoulders for leverage. Sasuke's tightness was new to him, so much tighter than any woman he'd had sex with. So heavenly. His eyes shut on their own. He could feel his own heartbeat against Sasuke's entrance and twitching of Sasuke's anus around him. He didn't want to move. The heat and pressure was just so good.

When he opened his eyes again, he was startled by Sasuke. He was looking up at him with affection. His face was unguarded. Their eyes locked. He was shocked that they were doing this, that Sasuke was letting him do this. Shocked that Sasuke could look so open and trusting and actually desire him.

Yes, he was handsome—Kakashi was fully aware of that—but only two women had wanted more than sexual relationship. He was shinobi who could die any day; not exactly stability. The two who wanted a relationship were fellow ninja who just wanted some illusion of stability and there was no real love there. This paragon though, desired him and loved him. And he loved him back.

He finally dragged his cock most of the way out, Sasuke's body scraping the lube from him. He pressed back in, craving that sheath around him. Sasuke's entire body twitched.

"Pull all the way out, slowly," Sasuke instructed.

Kakashi obeyed. Sasuke tightened up as he pulled out. The tight grip of Sasuke's body was incredible as the flare of the head pulled free.

"Fuck," Kakashi breathed and hung his head. "How can you feel so good?"

He looked up at Sasuke's face which wore that superior smirk, but it was softened. "You coming back in?"

Kakashi huffed and pressed in. Sasuke was varying the tightness of his body; he wanted Kakashi to reenter him, but he also wanted to be as tight as possible for Kakashi's pleasure. Kakashi growled as the head of his cock popped back into Sasuke's wondrous body.

Sasuke smiled. "Fuck me, sensei."

Kakashi let instinct take over and he fucked Sasuke with quick thrusts, accidently pulling all the way out a few times. Sasuke gripped him tightly, trying to milk him.

As Kakashi fucked him harder, Sasuke started grunting with every thrust, the air just being forced up out his throat.

Kakashi cursed the loss of the arm muscle that had allowed him to do push-ups with one finger right now because he wanted to pound Sasuke so hard. He built up a brutal pace and Sasuke started grunting for real. Kakashi looked down between their bodies to see Sasuke's erection bobbing between them. He eyes drifted up to the hard red nubs of his nipples, pleading to be sucked.

Kakashi pulled free of Sasuke's body to suck at his chest. He grabbed Sasuke's cock and stroked it while he suckled. Sasuke moaned at the combination of sensations.

"Kakashi," he sighed. "Fuck me or stroke me, but just finish me quickly."

Kakashi chose to fuck him to completion. He rose up and entered him again. He stopped thinking, shut his eyes, and hammered into Sasuke's yielding body. Sasuke whined. Kakashi wrapped a hand around Sasuke's cock to jerk him off while he fucked him. Sasuke cried out as he came. Kakashi growled as he came inside of him. His cock deflated and slipped from Sasuke's body.

Kakashi looked at Sasuke's face again. It was completely relaxed. He wanted to stare, but his body was sapped, he needed to lay down beside him. He lay on his side and absently put a hand on Sasuke's stomach, forgetting the cum sprayed there. He didn't pull his hand back, but played his fingers in the tacky liquid on Sasuke's abs.

"I love you," Kakashi said. He didn't intend to, it just slipped out. Not that he wanted to stop it or take it back; it was just natural to say. He wished it was said with more sincerity behind it because he meant it and he didn't want to say something like that arbitrarily.

Sasuke put his hand over the one Kakashi had on his stomach. "I love you too." He rubbed his fingers down the hard tendons and bones in the back of Kakashi's hand. He sighed. "I got to go." But he didn't make a move to sit up. He picked up Kakashi's hand and guided two cum covered fingers unto his mouth, tasting his own cum. He rubbed his tongue on the pads of Kakashi's fingers.

He pulled Kakashi's hand away and finally sat up. "You are a bad habit."

Kakashi moaned in agreement. He licked his hand to taste Sasuke's cum. Sasuke saw the movement and looked down at him. He smirked and moved over him just to give him a kiss before rolling out of bed.

Sasuke cleaned up and dressed. "It's getting colder outside; take my coat when you go out."

"What about you?"

"I'll be in that damn office most of the day. You're smart to have delayed becoming Hokage."

"Not a job I really want."

"If you did want it, even a little bit, I'm sorry that because of me, you'll never get it."

"I don't mind."

Sasuke's smile was sad. "Although, if you did become Hokage, we could be true allies and not just agreeing not to kill each other."

"Naruto's going to be the next Hokage; he won't turn against you."

Sasuke smile was more sincere this time. "You're right." He took up his sword and kissed Kakashi on the lips before going up to his office.

After breakfast, a visit from the physical therapist, and an hour of rest, Kakashi took Sasuke's advice and pulled Sasuke's black wool coat from his closet. As he did, he noticed a hatch in the floor. Storage? Secret stash of something? Escape tunnel? He wasn't curious enough to open it. Even he couldn't fathom what seals Sasuke might have on it.

Shou was waiting in the corridor. Kakashi decided that Shou probably didn't hate him, he just hated babysitting duty.

Today, Kakashi decided to begin his wandering by going somewhere he couldn't go during his spying mission: the top of Sasuke's tower.

The building was not so different from the Hokage Tower and was just a bit taller. It was tall enough Kakashi could see the gray strip of the sea to the north over the treetops about a dozen miles away. A thick marine layer was forming and pressing in toward the village, but the sky right above him was clear.

Kazaguruma was truly a beautiful village. Even Shou's brooding presence didn't darken it. Konoha had recently been rebuilt, so Kazaguruma wasn't much newer, but this village felt newer and had a fresher feeling with a mixture of classic and modern architecture.

The names of the country and the village were apt since long coastline and mountains created and funneled wind through almost constantly, so it was colder all year without being downright arctic. Shou looked comfortable in his long sleeve uniform; Kakashi was thankful for the wool coat.

Konoha was further south—in a country called 'The Fire Country'—in a drier, warmer forest. The Land of Windmills had its share of forests, but it was mostly mountains and plains. And windy and cold.

But fresh air was still like gold to him after so long underground and he would stand in a snowstorm for a lungful of fresh air. How he longed to be sent out on missions again.

A hawk screamed in the crisp air. Kakashi knew that wasn't just a normal bird or a normal call. He turned to Shou who was looking up at the bird.

"What's happening?" Kakashi asked.

"We're going below."

"What is it?"

"You will stay in your room."

Something caught his eye below them. Sasuke's white shirt was easy to spot as was Sayeko's pale yellow hair. Kakashi's first instinct was to go after them, but he remembered how weak he was. It wasn't that this wasn't his own village, but the fact he couldn't be of help.

"Go help your osa," he said to Shou. "I can find my way down."

Shou hesitated, but then leapt away to follow Sasuke.

Kakashi went straight down to Sasuke's rooms. He couldn't sit and wait, so he did as many exercises as he could to bleed off anxiety.

Abs sore, arms unable to hold him anymore, and thighs swollen to the point he could barely walk, Kakashi soaked in the bath waiting for news. Not long after he dried and dressed, a servant came in with dinner. For one.

He ate slowly, but Sasuke didn't return before he finished. He went to bed, but he left the light on.

It was after ten that Sasuke finally came in. Kakashi sat up and watched him take off his sword and belt.

"Border skirmish," Sasuke said.

"Which border?"

"South."

iKonoha,/i Kakashi thought grimly.

"Patrols on both sides have been harassing the other. It turned violent. One of the Konoha shinobi used the fight to get over the border, but he was stopped. He's in the cells for now; the others were separated and told to go on their way. The interloper . . . I'll send him back tomorrow."

"Who is it?"

"That one who was always chewing on a senbon. Genma."

Kakashi's blood ran cold. He looked up and noticed how weary Sasuke looked. Sasuke hadn't personally known Genma, but he was around when he was a Konoha genin. This was someone he knew.

"Don't worry about him; he wasn't harmed. He won't be tortured. I'll have him escorted back to the border in the morning."

"Was anyone injured?"

"Two on each side, but they'll be fine. Tensions have been high for the last two weeks. I just came back here to tell you and take a nap; I didn't get much done today."

He stripped down to his boxers and folded his clothes to put back on when he finished his nap.

"You're uninjured, right?"

"I wasn't injured." He laid down and was fast asleep within moments.

Kakashi sat next to him and looked down at Sasuke's sleeping face and marveled at the trust. He could assassinate Sasuke easily right now.

Instead, Kakashi turned out the light and laid down, giving Sasuke space so any of Kakashi's movements wouldn't disturb him too much.

Sasuke woke up and grasped vainly for the light. It took him much blind probing and rolling closer to the edge to find the light. He groaned and squinted at the clock.

"Fuck," he cursed sharply. "I slept all night."

Kakashi groaned. "I fell asleep too."

"No one came to wake me?"

"Maybe they all want you to get your sleep. You are a demon in the morning as it is."

Sasuke got up and dressed, his body stiff. "I'm going to murder all my assistants," he muttered.

"Don't do that. Who will bring me my meals?"

Sasuke growled.

It was like it was seven years ago. Sasuke would growl and grumble in the morning and Kakashi would tease him. All that was missing was Naruto talking too loudly and being hit by Sasuke and Sakura scolding Naruto for being too loud, just adding to Sasuke's annoyance. There was a hallow feeling in his heart thinking about them. But seeing Sasuke there after so many years, growling, his hair sticking up as it always did, made his heart swell with happiness. He chose Sasuke over Konoha and everyone in it.

Kakashi stood and wrapped his arms around Sasuke. "Thank you. Thank you for not killing or torturing any of them."

"Genma is a friend of yours."

"He was."

Sasuke's body went stiff for a moment. "I have to get back to work. Genma will be going home within the hour. I'm so tired."

"Sleep longer."

"It's not the type of fatigue that can be alleviated by sleep."

Kakashi tightened his arms and leaned his head against Sasuke's. "All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and a good ninja."

"Failed at one, excelled at the other." He pulled away and headed for the door. He stopped and turned to Kakashi again. "I'm not always unhappy." He offered a small smile. "A year maybe and our position will be secure and I might be able to rest easy. I don't mean to bring you down."

Kakashi sat on the bed. "I wish you would employ me. I will do almost anything to help you. I can't move against Konoha for you, but anything else, I will do."

"You've already done me a lot of good. Just telling me what you found out about our defenses; you have no idea just how valuable that was."

"I would like to do something for you willingly and something outside this room."

"I'm sorry I can't let you advise me or train. I can't even let you see the inside of my office or let you know more about my inner circle than I already have."

"Juugo's very close to you, Shou is your lover and ANBU, and Sayeko is your student. I think I know plenty."

Sasuke pouted when Kakashi called Shou his lover. "Do you know what the inside of a shrine is made of?"

"Huh?" The question threw him. What did that have to do with anything? "Wood, paper, and plaster?"

"But it's not wood, paper, and plaster that make a shrine."

"Point taken."

"And it's good that we shinobi still know what the inside of a shrine is made of. My family had their own shrine, remember?"

"Yeah, the Naka Shrine. Devoted to the Naka River."

"It was reduced to rubble when Pain destroyed the village. No one made any attempt to rebuild it. Even though it was meant to honor the creation of Konoha, I rebuilt it here. It honored my clan's role in the creation of the village. I moved the stone here too."

"I saw the shrine. The original was cleared and the land left empty after you established this village."

Sasuke hesitated. "I thought it might be. Never forget, Kakashi, what the inside of a shrine is made of. I have to go cut your friend loose." He came back to the bed and Kakashi. He put a hand on his cheek and smoothed his left eyebrow with his thumb. "I am honestly glad you don't have your Sharingan anymore." He kissed his forehead on the top part of the scar that ran through his eye. "I love you."

He left hurriedly.

"I love you too," Kakashi said to an empty room.

Kakashi paused to wonder why Sasuke was glad he didn't have his Sharingan anymore. Maybe it would have been painful for Sasuke to look at another Sharingan, a reminder of his devastated clan.

Not an hour later, there was knock on the door. Kakashi was fully dressed by that time and opened the door. Shou was standing there with a stack of books. "Complements of the osa. He said you were bored. He insisted I include all the works of Jiraiya-sama. I added some books of a more tasteful nature. Sasuke-sama can have a wicked sense of humor. And not a terribly good one."

Kakashi laughed and took the books from Shou's arms. "Sasuke does have a wicked sense of humor," Kakashi agreed.

xxxxx

Prompted by their conversation that morning, Kakashi's walk today took him to the new Naka Shrine. There were other people here and a few realized who he was and couldn't help staring or stealing glances.

Shou surprised him by not just standing as a guard, but performing the rites right alongside him. They cleansed their hands at the purification fountain. They both cupped some water into their mouths, swished, and spit it out. Then they both approached the central shrine. Sasuke had given Kakashi back his wallet when he started his walks through the village and Kakashi took a coin out and put it in the collection box and gave a short prayer that Konoha and Kazaguruma would remain peaceful allies. Shou also tossed in a coin and offered a prayer.

They went back out and Kakashi looked at the shrine. "He really did recreate the original. I remember visiting it once. I've never been religious, but I visit shrines to honor my fallen comrades and on holidays.

"Despite everything, this shrine should serve to keep Kazaguruma and Konoha allied: the original celebrated the creation of Konoha and Sasuke recreated it here. It honors his clan and Konoha. I wouldn't fear Konoha unless they attack this shrine."

"I don't fear Konoha," Shou said. "If they attack, I will meet them. If they attack this shrine or kick some tiny little stone shrine on the side of a road, I will retaliate."

"As well you should. But this shrine should be a symbol of the bond between villages."

"Sasuke-sama said something about that once. He's been here often in the last few months."

That made Kakashi's stomach sink. Why would Sasuke be visiting this shrine more often? Was he praying for the same thing Kakashi just did? Did Sasuke come here to strengthen the bond between their villages symbolically even if he was the only one who understood it? Were things that desperate to him? Tsunade was indeed considering turning on him, but that was not common knowledge. Kakashi regretted not taking the post of Hokage sooner; if he'd been Hokage, Sasuke would not need to fear Konoha.

And yet . . . Kakashi had feared him. Maybe things wouldn't be different. He understood Sasuke so well because he'd been living with him. He wanted to go back to Konoha just so he could relieve Sasuke's stress. But he would never be Hokage now.

"What's the relic?"

"The Uchiha stone."

That surprised him. "What exactly do the people of Kazaguruma honor here?"

"Their osa's clan."

Kakashi was uncomfortable with the idea of the Uchiha clan being elevated to deities. It was the sort of thing that could lead to another Madara and another war.

"Sasuke didn't order or even suggest such a thing," Shou said. "He wanted this shrine for personal reasons. He pays for its upkeep, but I don't think he intended it to be a working shrine. But he was our savior. I guess it's not so much his clan as Sasuke-sama and his beloved brother."

They started walking toward the tower.

"You probably won't answer, but I'd like to know: where did you come from?"

Shou hesitated. "Orochimaru captured me when I was a chunin. I was in one of the cells Suigetsu-san opened. We had seen Sasuke-sama walk by and we then believed the rumor that he'd killed Orochimaru. Suigetsu told us that Sasuke was our savior and we believed him. Sasuke-sama was focused on finding his brother so we were left to our own devises when we were let out. We sought him out after the war."

"What village were you from?"

That, Shou would not answer.

xxxxx

Their meals together were growing increasingly silent. They knew each other well, Sasuke couldn't talk about his life, and Kakashi's life was dull right now.

"Tell me a story," Sasuke said.

"What?"

"I know about the most important parts of your past, but tell me a story. What do I not know about you? I don't care about info on Konoha. Just divert me for a while. Good dinnertime conversation."

"Short notice." Kakashi tried to think of a tale worth telling. "I never told you how Gai and I met, did I?"

"You never did."

"The entrance exam to the academy. I didn't meet or speak to him, but I saw him there. I knew he would fail.

"Then, I saw him and his father outside the academy. I remember my father was so proud. I believed it was expected to enter the academy, so I didn't feel any pride or excitement. I knew I was going to be bored.

"My father greeted Gai's father and he said he hoped we would get along, but Gai's father said that wouldn't be possible. My father could be silly at times and he looked like he'd been stabbed, thinking this man wanted us kids to cannibalize each other to be the best or something. But I explained that Gai hadn't passed the exam. I scoffed at both Gai and his father. My father was shocked, told me I was being rude. I was dismissive of Gai's lack of ninjutsu. I even scolded my father that we were going to be late." They both chuckled at the irony.

"Gai asked my name as I walked into the gates of the academy. He misinterpreted what I had said as encouragement and thanked me for cheering him on. Though, I'm not sure he really misunderstood. I think he's always turned things positive to cheer himself up and drive him.

"My father said a very weird thing to me as we walked away. 'Kakashi, just because the academy has admitted you, don't start slacking off and getting careless. At this rate, this kid could become even stronger than you. The waiting list hasn't been announced yet, right? The academy isn't blind either. You'd be best to remember his name. He'd make a great rival.' [AN: ch. 672]

"I forgot about that. After my father died, Gai challenged me. I was reading a book on a bench. He stood in my light and asked me if I was the son of the White Fang. I wasn't at peace with what my father did at that point and was ashamed of him, so I didn't like him being mentioned. I was annoyed and declined his challenge. Then he wouldn't stop challenging me. He stalked me. He was in my house, my kitchen, even my bath." [AN: Shippuuden ep. 241]

Kakashi laughed. "He was hanging from a tree outside my outhouse. He was so shocked by the size of my manhood, even at nine, that he fell out of the tree with such a look on his face. I had to peek when he looked at his own. It looked like an acorn."

Sasuke smiled and let out a small chuckle. "With a physique like that?"

"Oh, he's grown. He's a full man now. Once we finished growing, we had the requisite dick measuring contest which I only won by half an inch.

"Anyway, our first contest was kunai. Then bow and arrow. Sickle and chain. Swordsmanship. Shuriken. He lost every single one. Then he asked to fight me with taijutsu. I still beat him, but he did pose a bit of a challenge that time.

"As I was leaving him defeated on the ground, he grabbed my ankle and begged for another contest. He was so desperate, crying. I took pity on him. I relented and asked what the next challenge was. Ro Sham Bo. Again and again and again. It was that evening playing a kid's game that we became friends.

"He was actually a good rival. He tended to only win contests of brute strength, speed, and stamina; though I have won a few races. He earned my respect from his resolve never to quit or give in."

"It's one of the reasons I began to respect Naruto," Sasuke agreed. "You and Gai, me and Naruto, our rivals are opposites, but I guess that's why we clash and hone each other."

"Indeed."

"How is he? I know Gai was severally injured."

"Wheelchair bound. Tenzou built him a house to accommodate him. He still has his good cheer. He as good as died out there and he 'died' well. Lee continues to make him proud, so he's happy."

"And Naruto? We correspond; that's how I know about Hinata. But I think he's been warned to be careful what he says to me. I feel he's held back."

"I thought you heard about Hinata through spies."

"No."

"But you have your spies as well, no?"

Sasuke smirked. "Naruto tells me he's happy and respected."

"He is. I really don't see him and Sakura much; I have my missions. Like this one."

"Being sent to spy on your allies?"

"Yes."

"Sakura still single?" Sasuke was lifting a cup of tea as he asked so he was even harder to read.

"As far as I know, but my intelligence is outdated. I haven't seen her in months; however she's matured and not so focused on boys like before. She was embarrassing when we were a team. I hope you weren't oblivious to her affections; that would be more embarrassing."

"Oh, I knew. She was embarrassing. Though I may not love her, I feel a little protective of her. I would disapprove of her dating someone."

"Don't let her know; she'll take that as jealousy and a sign of love."

"Hn."

"Your turn."

"Huh?"

"It's only fair. Tell me a story. You're the interrogator and I'm the spy; I gave you a story, give me a story."

Sasuke took a few bites and thought. He smirked. "I came up here and took over Oto, but I didn't want to stay in that hole in the ground Orochimaru founded. So, after negotiations, I chose this as the site of my new village.

"It only took days for people to come looking for a home. Missing-nin, Orochimaru's former captives, rouges, civilians without a place or looking for a new life. Even civilians who could use chakra, but were untrained.

"One of the latter was Sayeko. She wanted to be a ninja. Just a little girl, all alone. But I could see her potential. I gave her certain tasks. She didn't know it—probably still doesn't—but I shadowed her. She was fearless, going up to rogues to ask to learn a jutsu that would help her. If they looked at her the wrong way, I let them see me and they gave her all the instruction she wanted and never laid a hand on her. She'd probably kill me if she knew that.

"She passed my tests and I took her on as my student. She doesn't interest me as a woman because she's almost like a little sister. She's sweet and acts humble, but she's really a shinobi at heart. She would slit your throat without a thought if I ordered it. I depend on her now. I trust her and Juugo above all."

"What tasks did you give her?" Kakashi asked.

Sasuke actually blushed. "One was to retrieve a kunai I threw into the top of a tree. I told her to climb that tree without using her hands and bring down that kunai."

"That sounds familiar," Kakashi mused remembering giving Sasuke and the others kunai to mark their progress up trees to lean chakra control. "And?"

Sasuke looked away and that dusting of color returned to his cheeks. "I challenged her to take a bell I attached to my belt. She could take her time and either attack me for it or use stealth. She used stealth. It took her two weeks, but she finally slipped under my defenses and stole it. I agreed to teach her and made her a genin."

Kakashi smiled. He was happy that Sasuke used a similar test to the one he used, that his sensei used, that Sandaime used. It was something he was able to pass on.

"She has yet to disappoint me. She has lightning and fire natures so she's just like me. I will teach her Chidori when I think she's ready. I am not asking permission."

"It makes me proud to hear that you're passing down the things I taught to you. But without the Sharingan, she won't be able to use the Chidori properly."

Sasuke's eyes were amused and he would say nothing. Either she had some latent talent like the Sharingan or Sasuke had a way to remedy that. Kakashi knew better than to ask.

"Did you like the books I sent you?" Sasuke changed the subject.

"I did, thank you."

"Shou had a look of disgust when I told him which books to give you. I think he's read them."

Kakashi chuckled. "Closet pervert."

Sasuke smiled. "Never trust a man without a vice."

"Wise words. So, should I trust you? I know your vice."

"And I know yours. I trust you." And as if to prove it, he laid back, full and sleepy.

"I trust you." Kakashi finished his meal while his host dozed on the floor.

When he was finished with his meal, Kakashi poured another cup of tea and lingered over it, thinking Sasuke was asleep.

Sasuke sat up and then crawled over to Kakashi. He put his head on Kakashi's shoulder, his arm over his other shoulder and pushed them both down to the floor. Sasuke snuggled up next to Kakashi and fell into a doze again. Kakashi didn't mind. He didn't have anywhere to go and nothing to do, so he was happy to let Sasuke sleep.

He'd learned to relax in the time he spent here, but he still longed to work. He'd always loved the work, even as much heartache and pain as it brought him. He loved being free in the wilderness and using his talents. He missed the days before the war when there were more missions, more danger, more challenge. As much as this mission tore at his heart, it had been the most challenging in a year. Sneaking around, trying to remain under Sasuke's radar had been fun. To be a shinobi for a young nation and village with threats all around, he would be useful and challenged. He couldn't wait to recover and be of use to Sasuke.

He had hopes for the future for the first time since Minato died. When his sensei and Hokage died, everything he thought would be in his future had shattered. Even that baby who he thought would be like a little brother to him was taken from him; he was ordered to stay away to protect Naruto. Kakashi had been outraged at how much had been hidden from him while Naruto grew up. If he had known just how badly he was treated, Kakashi would have violated orders and taken the kid in. Kakashi had been in ANBU all those years, often out on difficult missions; he'd only heard about Naruto's penchant for pranks. He was also outraged to find out that Itachi's orphaned little brother was living on his own since he was eight. But what did he expect when he was left to live alone since he was six; a capable genin who was entrusted with missions and didn't need supervision.

It was all so fucked up how Konoha treated its orphans. He promised he would ask Sasuke to be sure to treat orphans better in Kazaguruma. He didn't want to mention it now as Sasuke woke up enough to sleepily stagger to bed, trusting Kakashi to follow him. He just dropped his shirt and pants before crawling into bed. Kakashi changed and crawled in behind him and snuggled into Sasuke's back.

They were a pair of orphans seeking each other's comfort. This was a village of orphans. Maybe that's why Kakashi felt so at home here.

xxxxx

Kakashi woke in the dark to the sound of sniffing. Being underground, when the lights were off, the room was utterly black. He didn't move until he heard a sob. He sat up and followed that sound to Sasuke's side of the bed. He moved slowly to find him. He was sitting on the edge. Kakashi put his arms around him making Sasuke freeze, but he relaxed a moment later. Sasuke was so distracted that he hadn't felt the bed move.

"Itachi?" Kakashi asked.

Sasuke nodded; Kakashi could feel the movement.

"The pain is still that fresh?" He didn't expect an answer. "Does visiting his grave help?"

"No."

Kakashi left one arm wrapped around the Uchiha's waist and put his other hand on Sasuke's forehead, pulling Sasuke back against him. "I wish you could have stayed with us. We're your family."

Sasuke sniffed. Kakashi tilting his head back like this made it easier to breathe and his tears stopped. "The thought of marrying Sakura and remaining in that village in Naruto's shadow was suffocating. In a time of relative peace, I didn't have a place there. We're fighters, mercenaries. We don't have a place in peace." His voice wavered and he sniffed again. "The month I was there, it felt a lot like when I was a kid. Back then, everyone avoided me like I was cursed because I had survived. Coming back, everyone avoided me because they didn't trust me. I earned that at least."

Sasuke relaxed more into Kakashi's body. "Sometimes I wish I never learned the truth about my brother. That hatred was something I could hold onto. Now I just grieve for him more. Not just his death, but the way he was forced to live his life. I wonder if he ever forgot who he really was while he was with Akatsuki."

Sasuke sat up straight again. "Anyway, I hadn't lived in a village in years. I got used to being free and living in one hole then another. When I came here, it was hard to get used to."

"That's why you live underground."

"Yeah. It feels more like home and I feel safe. Orochimaru quickly learned to give me space back then. As creepy as he was, I did feel safe. He wanted to protect my body. He just leered at me and licked his lips."

"He never tried to touch you?"

"I know he wanted to. He made the invitation more than once, but he was wise enough not to press his luck. He had no control over me; I could renege at any time. With those arms, he was no threat to me."

The conversation had completely calmed Sasuke's grief. Kakashi ran his hand down Sasuke's back. "I'm glad."

Sasuke created a ball of fire to see the clock. "It's too early." The fire went out.

Kakashi was on his knees behind him and his thighs were beside Sasuke's. Sasuke put a hand on the inside of Kakashi's knee and slid that hand half way up.

Kakashi kissed his hair. "Whatever you need," he said to the silent invitation.

"Make me forget for a while."

"I will."

Kakashi moved back to lay Sasuke down on his back. Sasuke raised his hips to let Kakashi remove his boxers.

Kakashi decided he wanted to try sucking Sasuke off. It was his first time, but he had a great teacher.

Sasuke wasn't hard—he'd been grieving minutes ago—so first Kakashi rubbed Sasuke's cock to life. Once he was half hard, Kakashi licked the head. Sasuke's breath hitched in the darkness.

Kakashi realized that Sasuke hadn't stepped out once to his other lovers. They had sex often enough Kakashi was sure Sasuke couldn't be having sex with anyone else. Without a doubt, this was the first blowjob Sasuke had since Kakashi first woke up in Sasuke's bed. He felt a little guilty about that.

Kakashi licked his lips and slid them over Sasuke's glans. The shaft in Kakashi's fist swelled and hardened. Kakashi licked the head to moisten it then slid his lips over the ridge and back, rubbing that sensitive rim.

Sasuke let out a heavy breath. Kakashi hadn't heard Sasuke make that sound before. He knew he must be doing something right. Emboldened, Kakashi wet his lips again and took Sasuke deeper into his mouth. He pressed his tongue to the frenulum. When Kakashi rubbed at that spot, Sasuke gasped and lifted his hips.

Kakashi kept his tongue pressed against that spot even as he took Sasuke even deeper. He tightened his lips to simulate the feeling of his anal ring reluctantly accepting him.

When the head of his cock reached the entrance of his throat, he had to stop. His tongue instinctively rose to stop any further intrusion and his throat tightened. Kakashi pulled back to try to relax his throat, but kept moving his lips and tongue to keep the pleasure going for Sasuke. He tried to deep throat him again, making a little extra progress, but had to pull back again, afraid he was going to gag.

It took nearly two minutes, but Kakashi finally had his lips around the base of Sasuke's large cock. He couldn't stay there, so close to violently gagging. He went back to using his lips and tongue at a more comfortable depth.

Sasuke slipped his fingers into Kakashi's hair and moaned. Kakashi could tell Sasuke was trying to restrain himself from pushing Kakashi down to take him all the way again. Kakashi obliged him and took him deep. Sasuke did press his hand against the back of Kakashi's head, but eased up when Kakashi started to pull back.

"Gently rub your teeth on me," Sasuke gasped.

Kakashi lightly scraped his teeth on the skin of Sasuke's shaft. When he came to the swell of the head, he let his teeth catch on the ridge and Sasuke gasped with pleasure.

"Fuck, yes!" Sasuke started to move his legs and lift his hips, so close, feeling so good, but needing a push over the edge.

Kakashi sucked and licked at just the head and used his fist to jack him off.

Sasuke panted and groaned. Sasuke held his breath as he plunged over the precipice. Several shots of semen spurted into Kakashi's mouth. He kept sucking and gripping Sasuke until his hips fell back to the bed. Kakashi had tasted Sasuke's semen before and didn't hesitate to swallow the load.

Kakashi was hard, but hadn't touched himself at all. When he crawled up, Sasuke turned and grabbed his erection. Sasuke jacked him off until he regained his breath and then he moved down to suck Kakashi off quickly. He swallowed Kakashi's load and then lay down next to Kakashi, both trying to regain their breath.

Neither of them wanted to move, but they were both aware of the morning wearing on. They should get up, or at least Sasuke should get up. But they laid there together a little while longer.

Sasuke chuckled. "Someone is loitering at the door. They're uncomfortable coming for me now that I have a lover."

Kakashi smiled. "How late are you?"

"Probably half an hour. I told you you were a bad habit."

"I would feel like a hypocrite if I told you to go to work since I've been delaying taking up a similar job."

"Ironic. I become the leader of a village and you don't. No one could have predicted this." He turned to half lay on Kakashi and caress his cheek, his thigh crossing over Kakashi's. Kakashi wondered if Sasuke was speaking of their political positions or their physical one.

Sasuke sat up and Kakashi caressed his back as Sasuke straightened. "When I said I wanted to be Hokage, I wasn't really thinking about the bureaucracy."

"Neither was Naruto. What a shock he'll get. The bureaucracy was all I saw and that's why I didn't want the job."

"Naruto just wants respect; I wanted to stop more people ending up like Itachi and I. I wanted to change the world so children wouldn't be forced to . . . I wanted to unite the world against me; keep peace by focusing their animosity. This was a better choice."

Sasuke got out of bed, turned on the light, and got ready for the day. Kakashi stayed in bed and out of his way.

"Come with me tonight?" Sasuke asked as he slipped his sword into his belt. "To Itachi's grave?"

"I will."

"Thank you."

xxxxx

Sasuke carried the bamboo bucket of water with the ladle and flowers sitting in the water. Kakashi carried the incense.

Someone else had taken the dead flowers away from the last time Sasuke visited. Sasuke cleaned the gravestone and placed the two bunches of flowers; Kakashi lit the incense. They knelt there and prayed.

Kakashi thought about how he had made peace with his past, his father and Obito and Rin. But he could tell Sasuke's grief for Itachi ran even deeper. He'd gotten past his parents' deaths, but Itachi's death was just too painful. His death and the hatred he fostered in Sasuke's heart in spite of himself. He doubted Sasuke would ever stop grieving. Kakashi did wish with his soul that Itachi had lived and could be here with his brother in this new village without having to worry about his past. But then again, maybe Itachi would never have been able to get past the pain of murdering his parents. Maybe it was best that he was at peace. But Sasuke never would be.

"I just wish he were alive," Sasuke whispered.

"He's proud of you. I'm proud of you too. You've accomplished great things and matured into a man to be proud of."

Kakashi turned his head to look at Sasuke's face. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, but he didn't openly cry. The fact Sasuke would live with this pain the rest of his life ate at Kakashi's heart. He knew all too well what that was like. All he could do was try to distract him from thinking about Itachi. He would do his best.

Sasuke finished his own prayers and they gathered their things and left. They went to dinner at a restaurant. It was a silent meal.

Yet, seeing the people around them seemed to lift Sasuke's spirits. He had created a peaceful village where people could live happy, normal lives. And he could prevent anyone from suffering like he and his brother did. Though he wasn't the Hokage of Konoha, he did become a village leader who could change the shinobi world in some way. He didn't speak, but Sasuke was brighter by the time they headed home.

xxxxx

Late the next morning, someone knocked on the door to Sasuke's suite while Sasuke was in his office. Kakashi answered it cautiously and was surprised to see Sayeko.

"Sasuke-sama will not be able to have lunch with you today, so he sent me to keep you company."

"That wasn't necessary."

"He's missed a few lunches with you and he didn't want you to think he was blowing you off. It's a nice day; I've arranged to have lunch on the terrace."

"Alright."

It was the same place his physical therapist brought him to work outside. A table was prepared for them and their meal waiting.

She really did seem more mature than fourteen; Kakashi had pegged her at sixteen when he first saw her. From what Sasuke said, this girl had arrived here alone and had no ninja training.

"Sasuke told me about the tests he gave you."

Sayeko smiled. "Yeah. He's always hard to read, but he was surprised to have a young girl approach him and ask to be a shinobi. He stared at me for like a minute, trying to intimidate me I think. I didn't back down. He said if I could earn two bells, he would train me."

"Two bells?"

"Yeah. He tied a bell to a kunai and threw into the top of a tree. A really tall one. He told me to climb up there without my hands and bring it down. I had no idea how to do that, so I asked a bunch of the shinobi who were gathering around Sasuke-sama at the time. They told what to do and it took me about five days. I had to learn how to mold chakra. I was a civilian, so that alone took three days. I brought that kunai to him and he looked proud.

"Then the bell on his belt. If his guards hadn't been aware of what I was doing, I would have been killed a hundred times over. But I finally created enough of a distraction and snuck in behind him and snatched the bell. He felt the tug when I took it. He gave me a kunai to tie the bell to and told me to keep them and that he would train me himself.

"Those two bells are my most treasured possessions."

Sayeko was smiling broadly. Kakashi was taken aback to hear that there were two bells. Sasuke really had thought about him and his bell test when he made up this test for Sayeko. His test was all about teamwork, but as Sasuke's right hand and student, she was learning teamwork by working so close to him.

"How did you end up here?"

"My parents were killed in the war. They weren't ninja, but they were in that town that was destroyed. I was with my grandmother at the time. The shock and grief killed her. I heard all about the war and then about how Sasuke-sama was creating a new village. I decided I wanted to learn from him, one of the heroes of the war."

"You didn't blame him or shinobi in general for what happened?"

"No. All shinobi, even enemies, came together to fight the men who did it. I blame Madara. He may be Sasuke-sama's clansman, but Sasuke fought against him. I wanted to be like the shinobi who could survive a war like that. You were at his side." Her eyes were bright with admiration.

"Not the entire time."

She smiled. "As cruel to you as he was, Sasuke-sama told me about what happened in the war before you came here and he talked a lot about you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You, Uzumaki Naruto, and his brother are the only people he ever talks about with affection. He never speaks of his parents."

"His mother was a kind woman, but his father was stern and as I understand it, didn't show much affection to Sasuke. I think he's conflicted about his parents. It was his father's pride, ambition, and indignation that led to their deaths. I met them both a few times, but I didn't know them. I knew Itachi though."

Sayeko's eyes lit up. "What was he like?"

"Unassuming, quiet. I think he was kind, but he could be ruthless. I was in ANBU with him. I liked him."

"ANBU. I kind of wish I could be in ANBU, but I like being at Sasuke's side."

"I don't get the feeling Sasuke has a lot of people he trusts. He trusts you, said you were like an annoying little sister."

Sayeko blushed. "No, he didn't!"

"Well, maybe he didn't say 'annoying,' but he did say you were like a little sister. Stay close to him."

"I will."

Kakashi saw a flash of the steely resolve Sasuke had described when he said Sayeko was a shinobi at heart.

"He's my osa and my sensei; I will do anything to protect him and be of use to him. Though, he doesn't really need protecting."

"Not all threats are physical."

She nodded.

xxxxx

Surprise of all surprises, Sasuke gave Kakashi permission to train with a jounin. Shou watched as Kakashi and the jounin practiced. Sasuke wasn't present on the field, but Kakashi suspected he was somewhere watching at least part of the fight.

Kakashi's innate talent and muscle memory kept him from embarrassing himself, but he didn't have the strength or speed he used to. He wasn't put to the floor, but he did lose.

Kakashi could tell Shou wanted a turn. If Kakashi was nearer his peak, he would love to spar with the masked ANBU. As it was, he returned to Sasuke's suite with bruises.

And Sasuke didn't like that.

Later that evening, his eyes burned with jealousy when he saw the marks. He was more passionate than ever. He kissed Kakashi deeply and ran his hands all over his chest and back. His hands ran over scars which made him growl and back off.

Sasuke took Kakashi's arm in both hands and kissed his left wrist. He licked up a few inches along the inside of Kakashi's arm. "Not a mark remains from what I did to you. I don't like that others have marked you, but I haven't." He drew out a kunai. He looked into Kakashi's eyes, asking if he would allow him to cut him. His heartbeat sped up, but Kakashi gave a small nod.

Sasuke pressed the sharpened blade two inches from Kakashi's wrist and made a slit in his skin about three inches long. Kakashi didn't even hiss. Sasuke hurriedly licked up the blood that ran from the mark he carved into Kakashi's arm. He licked the free blood then sucked at wound to draw more into his mouth. He forced his tongue in making Kakashi gasp. Sasuke's mouth made love to that slit in his arm and drank the nectar of his body.

The blood stemmed and Sasuke coated the wound with his saliva before he pulled away and looked Kakashi in the eyes. "I want it to scar. I want a lasting mark on you. One you can see. One you can choose to let others see." Sasuke leaned in to lick it dry. "What excuses will you make for it? The idea that you would deny it turns me on. I'll be your dirty little secret." He kissed the wound.

Kakashi wondered who he would lie to; everyone here knew where he was sleeping.

Sasuke kept kissing down the wound to Kakashi's wrist. He stopped there to kiss and lick at the throbbing veins.

"I want you tonight. I want to fuck you." He grabbed Kakashi by the back of the head and slammed their lips together.

They were already nude, so it was merely a matter of crowding Kakashi down onto his back and grabbing for the oil.

Sasuke used his lubed fingers to wet Kakashi's entrance, but did little to stretch him. He was in a hurry to enter Kakashi. Kakashi was ready and willing; he was relaxed and was getting use to Sasuke's cock entering him. Sasuke met little resistance and fucked his former sensei hard and fast to begin with. After the initial burst of energy, Sasuke slowed down.

Sasuke pressed his temple to Kakashi's temple as he thrust his hips deeply into him. He slid two fingers into Kakashi's mouth to suck as Sasuke licked at his ear.

Kakashi was the first to lose it. Seeing Kakashi cum and feeling his body orgasm around him, almost undid Sasuke, but he held back. He captured Kakashi's lips and he came while they kissed.

Sasuke eased his body down on Kakashi's; just lay on him while they recovered. Sasuke rested his forehead against Kakashi's throat and played the fingers of a hand in Kakashi's wild hair. Kakashi trailed his finger along Sasuke's side.

After a few minutes, Sasuke got up and went to the bathroom to freshen up. He gathered a few things and came back. He sat on the bed and dropped a warm, wet washcloth on Kakashi's stomach. Kakashi cleaned himself up while Sasuke prepared the bandages for Kakashi's arm. It had bled with his higher blood pressure during sex. He rinsed it with alcohol; no other treatment. He wrapped it to keep it clean; he wanted it to scar, not get infected.

Kakashi watched Sasuke work. He liked the attention.

His eyes drifted to Sasuke's left hand and arm. They were paler than the rest of Sasuke's already pale skin. They were a sickly color, unnaturally smooth, hairless, and lacking any scars and his hand was less calloused. Naruto kept his replacement arm wrapped up. Sasuke did not.

When Sasuke finished wrapping Kakashi's wound, Kakashi ran his hand up Sasuke's left arm. "I'm glad Tsunade could give you a new arm."

"I didn't want it at first—I don't really need it with the Rinnegan—but if I'm to protect this village and country, I wanted to have all the power and skills I could."

Kakashi had never really examined Sasuke's arm before—or Naruto's for that matter. He realized it didn't have the same musculature as his real one. It looked strong, but it was based on the cells of Senju Hashirama not Sasuke's. It was wiry by nature, more like Kakashi's arms. Sasuke did train it, but it probably wasn't as strong as his right arm and was probably not as easy to use.

"Naruto keeps his covered."

"He's more tan than me. Stands out more on him. It is a bit sensitive."

"Oh really?" Kakashi made his touch feather light and caressed down his arm.

Sasuke shuddered, "Yeah." He swallowed as Kakashi trailed his fingers back up the artificial limb. "The connection of my nerves, I think something happened. More sensitive." Sasuke couldn't speak normally with the sensations running through his body. He gasped.

"Something happened?" Kakashi mused. "Might it be that they're more connected to your pleasure centers?" The return of Sasuke's erection led to that deduction.

"I don't know if Naruto has the same problem," Sasuke struggled to say as Kakashi used his other hand to trace Sasuke's hand. "Wrapping it probably protects him from it. I can normally control it."

"Normally?"

"When someone's not actively caressing it."

Kakashi bent down to lick at it, but Sasuke tore his arm from Kakashi's grasp.

"Don't."

"Why not?"

"It's . . . dirty. Unnatural."

Kakashi scoffed. "Some might say fucking a man in the ass is dirty and unnatural. If it will bring you pleasure . . . Can't be worse than sucking cock, right?"

"I think the reason Naruto keeps it covered is because it's not part of him. He probably rejects it like I do."

Kakashi took Sasuke's arm into his hands again, gently. "It repulses you?"

"It's not me. I've thought of cutting it off. I really didn't want it. I went longer before getting it than Naruto. The very idea repulses me. But I forget about it and use it as if it was my real arm."

"It's your blood flowing through it?"

"Yes."

"Your mind that controls it?"

"Yes."

"Your brain that feels through it?"

"Yes."

"Then it's part of you." Kakashi leaned in to kiss it again. He kissed the bicep. He felt Sasuke shudder. He licked it and Sasuke tensed.

"I don't like you touching, kissing, or licking something that's not mine."

"It's yours." Kakashi ran his lips over the white flesh and gave it small kisses.

"It's foreign."

"And here I thought you had fully accepted it. All this time, I didn't even give it a thought."

He lifted Sasuke's arm to trail licks and kisses down its length. Sasuke tensed when Kakashi reached the top of his hand. Kakashi was about to take two fingers in his mouth like Sasuke often had him do. But Sasuke tore his hand from his grasp again and this time grabbed Kakashi's chin and glared into his eyes.

"That you will not do," Sasuke said sternly. But he offered his natural fingers to him to suck. Kakashi obeyed, but returned to caressing Sasuke's replacement arm.

Sasuke tore his arm from Kakashi's hands to grab his wrist and guide his hand to Sasuke's groin. Kakashi obediently stroked him.

"How do you want to make me cum?" Sasuke asked.

Kakashi backed his head off Sasuke's fingers. "I think you want to fuck me again. I want to feel you fill me with your semen, Sasuke."

Sasuke pushed Kakashi down. Kakashi's body was still wet with lube and cum so Sasuke didn't hesitate to set a brutal pace. Kakashi renewed his caresses to Sasuke's false arm and sought out one of Sasuke's nipples with his other hand.

Sasuke shut his eyes and fucked him, his body being surrounded by pleasure; his cock, his sensitive arm, and his nipple all worked against him. His orgasm was slow in coming and he had little semen left to release, but it rocked his body painfully when it came.

Sasuke finally opened his eyes and looked to see if his lover had been satisfied, but when he looked down, Kakashi wasn't erect, nor had he cum.

"No?" was all he asked.

"I'm fucked out. I just wanted you to be satisfied."

Sasuke hung his head so that it hovered next to Kakashi's. "Thank you." Then he flopped down onto the bed next to Kakashi.

"Your arm, is it just sensitive to pleasure, or does it have a heightened sense of pain too?" Kakashi asked once Sasuke's breathing returned to normal.

"It feels pain more than my right arm, but it's not as intense as the pleasure. I think that maybe because it's newer and the nerves are less used to dealing with sensation."

"Maybe you should keep it covered like Naruto does. Protect it."

"No one but you knows it's a weak spot. Anyway, it doesn't tend to bother me."

xxxxx

On the western edge of the village, there were several windmills. One was an average windmill for grinding grain, the others generated power for the village. Shou was hesitant to let Kakashi too near them, still not fully trusting him—they were ripe for sabotage and well guarded.

It was peaceful to watch the sails move in the wind, rotating hypnotically. The land around the village was mostly open, the streets were wider than Konoha, the air cooler and fresher, and there were no walls encircling it. This place was far more calming and serene than Konoha.

Yet, Kakashi felt exposed without the trees and tighter streets. It wasn't as easy to hide. It was part of the challenge when he was here as a spy. That was certainly part of the plan when constructing this place.

Kakashi laid on the grass of a gentle hill near the windmills to watch them. One was still in the wind, locked down for repairs.

Sasuke arrived to see what happened. Kakashi was wearing his coat, so Sasuke wore a black cloak to fend off the cold. With a known spy in the village, they were investigating it closely. Sasuke spared a glance in Kakashi's direction, but his eyes weren't angry or accusing. There was no way Kakashi could have done it anyway.

After he had finished checking on the repairs, Sasuke walked over to him with his two guards who flanked him here. Sasuke lay down beside him and his guards took up positions with their backs to them. No one spoke for a long time.

Kakashi's extremities were nearly like ice laying here, but he didn't have anywhere to go or anything to do and the silence was companionable.

Another shinobi landed near them. "Sasuke-sama, Karin has arrived."

Sasuke hadn't flinched when the man arrived. "Urgent?"

"No."

"Thank you."

The man vanished.

Sasuke tried to relax, but the peace was destroyed. Sasuke sat up. He looked over at Kakashi. "You're getting used to the cold."

"I'm nearly frozen."

Sasuke stood up and held out a hand to him and pulled him up. "You are cold."

With three guards around them, the pair walked back to the tower. Sasuke wasn't in a hurry to get back to the office.

"Karin was your red headed follower."

"Fishing for information? Ever the spy."

Kakashi didn't deny it.

"Because how Orochimaru helped me and helped us in the war, I let him go to ground here. He did appalling things to many of the people who gathered here, so I keep him on a very short lead. Karin keeps me informed. He is only to work on things for the betterment of my country. And no human testing. Karin makes sure he abides by my rules."

"I couldn't find him when I was spying."

"Or did you not want to?" Sasuke asked with a knowing smirk.

"I tried, but I didn't really want to face him. I think I prefer being captured by you than him."

"He doesn't have that authority; Karin would have turned you over to me."

"Comforting. I think."

"I'm not the only person who's changed. Orochimaru is less maniacal. He's still backing this horse. I did kill him. Or subjugated him. That shocked him. I never felt greater pride and pleasure before that."

"When I heard you killed him, I was proud of you."

Sasuke's back became a bit straighter. He also moved a bit closer to Kakashi so his cloak brushed against Kakashi's coat.

"Orochimaru is no longer a threat; he's basically under house arrest."

"Good. I'm glad you were able to tame the snake."

"Hn. Karin is my flute."

When they entered the tower, Sasuke used his cloak to hide his hand grazing Kakashi's, then he headed up stairs. Kakashi headed down to his own house arrest. But he did so with a wistful smile under his mask.

xxxxx

Sasuke was fucking insatiable. Of course, Kakashi wasn't going to complain; it was the most physical activity he was allowed to engage in. Kakashi was herded onto his back as soon as he stripped for bed.

Sasuke rubbed his bare body against Kakashi's as he kissed him. Kakashi bent his leg to rub it against Sasuke's. He kept his hand on Sasuke's ribs and the other threaded in Sasuke's hair.

Sasuke pulled away. "You know, I haven't been with any of my subs since you got here. May I play with you?"

Kakashi knew what Sasuke meant. The prospect excited him. "Yes."

Sasuke smirked. "I won't do too much. I think I know what will work with you."

Sasuke moved down to suck at Kakashi's nipple and his hand slid down his erection. He rubbed his palm over him. His fingers slowly closed around Kakashi's cock. He slowly stroked him. Meanwhile, he sucked at Kakashi's right nipple. He licked it, flicked it with his tongue. He grazed his teeth against the tender nub. He gently bit down on it and he stroked him with a strong grip.

Kakashi grunted. Pleasure and pain at the same time, but the pleasure exceeded the pain.

Sasuke licked at the abused flesh and continued to stroke him.

"Erotize the pain," Sasuke said as his mouth moved to the other nipple and his hand moved to Kakashi's balls. He gently gripped and massaged them.

Kakashi sighed in pleasure. He expected Sasuke to bite his nipple again, but instead he pinched the skin of the ball sack. Kakashi gasped. It was just the skin, but it still hurt.

Sasuke went back to gently massaging him, rubbing his testes inside his scrotum. As the pleasure built up, Sasuke bit down his nipple causing Kakashi to suck in a breath.

Sasuke soothed the nipple and then sat up. "You doing alright?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me if it becomes too much."

Sasuke moved down and took Kakashi's cock into his mouth. His mouth was so wet. Kakashi could feel Sasuke's saliva drip down his length.

"Fuck," Kakashi sighed.

Sasuke took him deep. He grabbed Kakashi's balls again. He sucked him, tongued him, slid his wet, tight lips up and down his shaft even as he squeezed Kakashi's balls painfully. Again, pain and pleasure competed for his attention.

Sasuke gave him the best blow job he'd ever had. He took him fast and deep, varying the amount of pressure from his lips and moving his tongue against his cock. At the same time, he squeezed, pinched, massaged, rolled, and rubbed his balls, varying between pleasure and pain. The signals started to get confused and meld together. The pain sent a pleasurable shock to his nipples and the pleasure kept his cock erect. Kakashi pinched and rolled one of his nipples to take advantage of the sensations.

Sasuke closed his teeth enough to gently scrape against Kakashi's tender flesh, but it was gentle enough that it felt good. Of course, Kakashi knew what was coming. Sasuke didn't outright bite him, but Kakashi could feel the sharp ends of his teeth poking and scratching him. His teeth scraping over the head of his cock tightly felt as good as it hurt. His teeth caught on the flare of the head and he forced the head through his teeth causing Kakashi to grunt. Sasuke came back to actually bite the flare. That caused Kakashi to curl forward, the pain tightening his gut.

He didn't soften though.

Sasuke stepped it up, flicking his balls, giving them gentle slaps, and pinching the testes within. Kakashi's stomach clenched with the pain, but Sasuke's mouth wouldn't let his erection flag.

Sasuke finally stopped causing pain and just concentrated on sucking him. He grabbed the base of Kakashi's cock to jack him as he pleasured him. Kakashi came hard in Sasuke's mouth.

Sasuke came up and kissed him. He was jacking off and Kakashi realized Sasuke was probably jerking off with his other hand while he worked on him.

Kakashi flipped them and went down on Sasuke rather than let him jack off. Sasuke didn't take long, proof that this shit really turned the younger man on.

Kakashi lay next to him.

"Enjoy it?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah. That was strange."

"Let me take you to my personal dungeon next."

Kakashi took a few seconds to answer. "Okay."

xxxxx

Kakashi was afraid as he followed Sasuke to his private dungeon, especially as he opened the door. He feared it would be the same cell he spent two or more weeks or look just like it.

He let out a relieved sigh when he saw a totally unfamiliar room. The ceiling was a little higher than normal to accommodate the pulleys to suspend someone in the center. There was enough room to use whips and floggers easily all around the person who would be in the center. On the walls were arrayed all manner of torture implements: whips, chains, clamps, floggers, riding crops, thin bamboo canes, ropes, and many others. There were also saw horses, an X-cross, and a few other platforms. The walls themselves were rust colored.

"This is my dungeon. Fear not, the room and implements are cleaned after every session."

"Do you ever use this place for real torture?"

"No."

That was slightly comforting.

"Few of these implements cause serious injuries. The whips and clamps . . . I don't use senbon, but I do use kunai. Of course, I could turn any of this stuff into a lethal weapon."

"Any shinobi could turn a string into a lethal weapon."

"Hn."

Kakashi looked at the floor and it was covered in sparring mats. The mats were spotless dark grey. In one corner there was a sink, probably for the blood. Next to that were shelves with towels and blankets. The bottle of bleach was unnerving. He wondered if the mats used to be black.

Sasuke watched Kakashi's eyes float over all the implements in the room. "Anything strike your fancy? Curiosity?"

Kakashi shook his head. "I'm in your hands."

Sasuke smiled. "Strip."

Kakashi did so while Sasuke made preparations. He lowered one of the thick ropes looped on the pulley attached the ceiling. There was metal hook tied securely to the end. He fetched a spreader bar and hung it from the hook. He turned to Kakashi, attached the cuffs to his wrists.

Sasuke raised Kakashi so most of his weight was off his feet. He was now bound and naked. Kakashi was nervous and even a bit self-conscious being nude while Sasuke was fully clothed. He slowed his breathing. This was not a position any shinobi really wanted to be in. Especially in an enemy village.

Sasuke brought over a small table like the one Kakashi remembered from the cell. He gathered a few instruments and put them on that table.

Sasuke put his hands on Kakashi's shoulders and ran them down his chest and abs. His touch was firm and affectionate. He ducked under Kakashi's arm and slid his hands down his back as well.

"You trust me?"

"I trust you."

"If the pain becomes too much, say 'scarlet'; it's our normal safe word."

"Understood."

Sasuke stepped away and picked up a flogger from the table. He didn't swing it hard, rather letting the tails thump harmless on his back. The thud vibrated his lungs. It felt really good. He felt like one of his hounds when he patted their sides. This was what it had to feel like. Sasuke let the flogger fall onto his back a few more times.

Sasuke let the tails slide down his lower back and over his ass. That felt as good as the thump.

It felt good, but not sexual.

Sasuke remedied that by caressing his back again and then putting his arms around him, leaning his head against Kakashi's.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"It's going to start to hurt now. Try to erotize the pain."

Sasuke pulled away and hit Kakashi harder. That stung. He hit him harder and harder until he turned Kakashi's back red. He stopped to rub the redden flesh gently.

"Doing alright?" His fingers traced meaningless designs on his hot skin.

"Yeah. Compared to what you did before, it's nothing."

"This isn't meant as a punishment or torture. You know I could whip a confession out of you. I could make you confess to killing the first Hokage."

Kakashi silently agreed.

Sasuke struck his back again and again. His skin was giving off so much heat. Sasuke stopped and asked him if he was doing alright.

"I'm alright." Kakashi was surprised how little it hurt.

Sasuke ventured down to his ass. He started gently like he did with his back, but quickly ramped it up. He stopped once to check on Kakashi, but he flogged him until his ass was a deep red. His fingers trailed over his sensitized ass felt amazing.

Satisfied by his handiwork, Sasuke put the flogger away, hanging it back on the wall. He came back to run his hands down Kakashi's hot, red back and ass. The gentle touch felt wonderful after the abuse. Sasuke caressed him for over a minute, tantalizing the burning nerves.

Sasuke came around and looked Kakashi in the eye. Then his eyes followed his hands as he ran his hands down Kakashi's chest and stomach. He took note of Kakashi's un-aroused nipples and limp cock. He caressed his body a few more times, then leaned in to take a nipple into his mouth. He sucked and flicked it with his tongue. Sasuke used his fingers on the other nipple. Damn, it felt good. Sasuke switched nipples and gave the other the same attention. By the time he was finished, Kakashi's cock had begun to stir.

Then Sasuke picked up the cane. The thin rod of bamboo sent a thrill of fear through Kakashi's body. That had been one of the most painful parts of his torture.

Sasuke went behind him. Kakashi steeled himself, expecting the painful swat. But instead, Sasuke trailed the thin tip over his abused skin. It felt so good, even better than the caress. Sasuke slid the tip down his back several times and then down his ass cheeks. The flogger had made his skin extra sensitive. Then he dragged the tip down between his cheeks. That caused erotic pleasure to shoot through him. Sasuke noticed.

Then the pleasurable strokes were replaced by the stinging snap of the cane across his ass. Sasuke only hit him three times, then used the length of the cane to caress the lines he'd made.

Sasuke struck him several times on the back, ass, and thighs. He followed that with the caresses. Sasuke set the cane down and used his hands to ease Kakashi's burning flesh. The pain had sensitized his skin and Sasuke's hands felt like fire and just . . . good. Avoiding the red marks he'd made, Sasuke massaged Kakashi's upper back, easing the tension there.

"How did you know I wanted you to do that?" Kakashi asked.

"I'm watching you. I'm watching every move of your muscles."

Sasuke's hands moved down gently over the mild welts. His hands moved over Kakashi's ass and held it as he leaned in to kiss Kakashi's shoulder blade. He licked the hot skin, cooling it. Sasuke's hands moved over Kakashi's hips, resting on either side of his groin. Sasuke took his time moving his lips over his skin. His body was still clothed, but Kakashi could feel the heat of his body and the hardness against his ass.

Sasuke came out to face him.

"Do you trust me?" Sasuke asked.

"I trust you."

"Will you trust me with your body and your mind?"

It was an odd question. His mind? He did remember the hallucinations from the torture, but he was foggy on what was going through his own mind during the rape. He remembered pain and sensations, he remembered fear, but he couldn't remember any thoughts. There was definitely manipulation going on, but Sasuke hadn't tried to brainwash him or used any illusion, just pure coercion.

Kakashi decided that there was no harm Sasuke could or would do and he intended to stay here with Sasuke already, so yes, he did trust Sasuke with his mind. He trusted that Sasuke would do no harm.

"I do trust you."

Sasuke took Kakashi's cheek in his hand and guided their lips together. The kiss was deep and loving.

Sasuke pulled back. "This part is really going to hurt."

He picked up the cane again. This time he teased the front of Kakashi's body, down his chest, over his abs, slowly down his cock, and then each of his thighs. He traveled back up all the way up his bare throat and his cheek. He played the cane over the beauty mark on his jaw.

Kakashi took a deep breath, readying himself for the pain he remembered from before. He was calm because Sasuke said that was torture and this was meant for pleasure; it wouldn't be as bad.

Kakashi had to rethink that when the cane snapped against his nipple.

Sasuke struck his abs and his thighs until they were covered in red stripes. He ended it with a swipe at his other nipple.

"Fuck," Kakashi breathed. He looked up in time to see Sasuke's satisfied smirk.

Sasuke leaned into Kakashi's body and rubbed his stinging thigh and his unharmed inner thigh. Damn, it felt good. Sasuke sucked at the abused nipple, sucking it and tonguing it. Sasuke's hand moved to Kakashi's cock and began to stroke it. His right hand was strong and calloused. Sasuke's left hand was soft and smooth when it caressed his side and back.

Kakashi knew what was coming when Sasuke stepped back. They weren't hard strikes, but Sasuke snapped the cane against his nipples and chest.

"Feel it, feel the pain. Let it flow through your body. Savor it. Feel the adrenaline and endorphins coursing through your blood."

Kakashi wasn't one for meditation, but he tried to focus inward, on the pain and the chemicals being released into his blood. Having his eyes closed while trying to focus allowed Sasuke to make his hits random, even going around to strike his back, ass, and thighs.

Then Sasuke added Kakashi's cock to the mix. But by that point Kakashi discovered the intoxicating nature of pain. He could follow the flow of chemicals, feel it raise his heart rate, swell his lips and other erogenous zones with blood, his skin redden, and his brain fill with pleasure. He was starting to understand.

Sasuke stopped again and caressed the stripes and suck his nipples. He stroked his cock, but Kakashi couldn't keep an erection through the pain.

Sasuke hummed. "That's a problem."

"Huh?" Kakashi was broken from his meditation.

Sasuke wore his evilest smirk. "You're not going to like this."

Kakashi swallowed.

Sasuke set the cane down and picked up a pair of clamps.

"Shit."

Sasuke had to kill his smile to suck on Kakashi's nipple, bringing it to full hardness. He used the first clamp. Kakashi gasped. Oddly, Sasuke didn't have to do anything to make the other one hard. He clamped it. Kakashi took a sharp breath and let it out slowly.

Kakashi just breathed, processing the pain. He didn't notice Sasuke moving. He attached a small, but strong chain to both clamps, pulling on them, causing them more pain.

"Now the part you won't like."

Sasuke knelt and applied the third clamp to Kakashi's flaccid foreskin. The pain that shot through his body was intense. It was thrilling. Then Sasuke attached another small chain to it and pulled it up to hook onto the first chain. The result was his cock was pulled upward, exposing his balls.

He had to breathe deep and slow. The pain was incredible, but not quite like the torture.

At first, he didn't feel Sasuke's hand on his throat, but his touch was warm and comforting though the pain. He could feel Sasuke's breath against his lips. Gentle touches made them even more sensitive. He opened his eyes to see Sasuke was inches from him.

"What do you want?" Sasuke asked.

Kakashi was certain Sasuke already knew what he wanted. "Kiss."

Sasuke obliged. He touched his lips to his and it took Kakashi's breath away. The kiss didn't deepen, just rubbed their lips together. Kakashi was in ecstasy.

He loved him. In that moment Kakashi would do anything for this man. He would agree to betray Konoha if asked right now.

But he didn't ask anything of him.

"So close," Sasuke sighed, looking into Kakashi's eyes. Kakashi didn't understand what Sasuke was talking about. Sasuke caressed his chest and sides and it felt wonderful.

"You're close enough and I don't think impact will work so well with you."

Kakashi didn't understand. But Sasuke took off the chains and the nipple clamps. The blood flowing back into his nipple was a pain he didn't like. Sasuke rubbed them to sooth the pain.

Sasuke sank to his knees again and put the clamps from his nipples on Kakashi's scrotum.

After the rush of pain, Kakashi could feel his pulse slow and his breaths get deeper. He was oddly calm for someone experiencing pain. That fight or flight response that was so a part of every shinobi, in fact, most living things, was gone. He was lightheaded. It was the kind of feeling from gasping for too much air, taking too many deep breaths, it was too much oxygen in his blood and brain.

Kakashi's mouth hung open, his eyes hooded and blurred, his irises dilated. The last thing he comprehended was Sasuke's face, his eyes focused, looking deep into his eyes.

He was cut off from senses. He could hear nothing, feel nothing, smell nothing. His vision was blurry, but he wasn't registering anything his eyes were trying to show him. It was as if the connection between his eyes and brain had been severed. There was nothing, just being. Release. Freedom. Nothing.

He once again became aware that his eyes existed. His vision was doubled and blurry, but slowly a face came into focus. Sasuke. He couldn't feel the restraints, but he felt Sasuke's hand cupping his face to keep his head raised. His hearing returned to the deep whisper of his name. The first scent he smelled was Sasuke's body, his sweaty skin and musk. The first taste, Sasuke's fingers that slipped inside his mouth. As he became more aware, Kakashi raised his tongue against Sasuke's two fingers and let his lips close around them.

Sasuke had taken away all his senses and when they returned, they were all of him.

Kakashi was still too out of it to register how, but his restraints were removed and he collapsed into Sasuke's arms. The clamps had been removed without him noticing. They lowered to the ground and Sasuke kissed his cheek and the side of his eye. He was saying something, but the words meant nothing to Kakashi, yet his voice was deep and comforting.

Whether Sasuke used his Rinnegan powers to summon a blanket to his hand or had a clone bring it to him, Kakashi didn't know, but a blanket was draped around their shoulders, closing in Sasuke's body heat which Kakashi's body drank in. His lips were cold and felt like paper. His heart rate was still low and his blood pressure was barely there.

Sasuke tilted Kakashi's head and pressed the lip of a cup to his lips. Unsweetened tea. Kakashi drank greedily, only then realizing how parched he was. It was tepid, for which Kakashi was grateful; a cold drink would have shocked his system and lowered his body temperature too much; hot tea would have been impossible to gulp down.

Sasuke was saying something else to him; it sounded like a question. Kakashi couldn't comprehend or even care what Sasuke was saying. When the cup left his lips, he rested his forehead against Sasuke's neck. Oblivion enveloped him completely.

xxxxx

Kakashi awoke to pure darkness. Warm air puffed against his face causing him to pull back a little. He became aware of heat. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this hot. Though he couldn't see, he knew where he was. He knew this bed and that presence, that heat, that chakra. Sasuke. Kakashi could wake up next to any other person in the world and know it wasn't Sasuke.

That puff of air had been Sasuke's breath. They were curled up together, face to face, under the blanket. As hot as it was, as irritating that puffing air was, Kakashi didn't want to move. But his head hurt from too much sleep and not enough water, a feeling he was becoming too familiar with. He needed to move and drink, but he also felt like if he moved from this cocoon, he would shatter emotionally.

Sasuke shifted and drew in a deep breath. He moved closer and put his arm over Kakashi's damp skin, cupping his hand around the curve of Kakashi's head, palming his soft hair. He pressed his forehead to Kakashi's.

"You're awake," Sasuke stated. "You are the very definition of sublime, sensei."

Kakashi heard and understood his words, but they didn't make sense to him.

"You were perfect. Are. I love you so much."

Kakashi still felt like he was in emotional limbo, but Sasuke's words were a strange comfort.

"You're not going to break," Sasuke whispered as if he could read Kakashi's mind.

Sasuke pulled his hand back and leaned away from him. Kakashi felt a sudden rush of panic, like he was going to left alone. Abandoned. Fear seized him. He grabbed at Sasuke's arm and held it in a bruising grip, using more strength than he or Sasuke believed he was capable of at the moment.

"Don't" was the only word Kakashi could comprehend or say.

"I'm not leaving," Sasuke said. He was just adjusting their position. He pulled Kakashi closer so that his forehead touched Sasuke's chin. The new position was more suffocating since his head was now completely under the blanket and his breath was bouncing off Sasuke's chest, but it relieved the fear. He didn't get more claustrophobic because he was used to his mask.

"I'm here," Sasuke breathed. "I love you."

Kakashi felt his body relax and for no reason he could comprehend in his state, he cried. It felt like a release and Sasuke just held him.

As his tears eased, he fell into a doze. Sasuke didn't move. Kakashi's waking this time felt more real; he was fully waking to his normal self. He was able to pull away from Sasuke without thinking it would destroy him. He moved onto his back and pulled the blanket down from his face. He really needed to breathe freely now and let some of the hot air escape from around his body.

He felt refreshed.

"Welcome back," Sasuke said. His voice was gentler than normal, but there was a small smirk in it.

"What . . . the fuck . . . was that?" Kakashi asked slowly.

"That was true subspace. What you felt the first time in the cell, that was purely chemical escape. What you just experienced requires trust and submission. You completely gave into me and trusted me not to hurt you or let you get too lost. Although, I did let you get pretty deep. Something like that is a mix of chemicals and emotion. What we just did, that is what I do. I get off on control and causing pain, but what truly gives me pleasure, is giving that pleasure to others."

"It now terrifies me that I can ever be put in such a state."

"I know. But know that I am probably the only one who can take you there and that you have to allow me to do it. It would take a lot more for me to force you into that state; like the torture I put you through. The only people who can take you there has to truly know you and have your trust. So, don't fear it."

Sasuke finally turned onto his own back and stretched. "What just happened is part of it, your body was trying to find an equilibrium of chemicals." Sasuke huffed. "I normally hate that part, but with you . . . being with you and being your anchor felt better than anything before it. I really do love you."

"That was more intense than a genjutsu."

"That's because it was all real."

Kakashi silently agreed. "How long has it been?"

"Since you passed out in the dungeon? About three hours."

"That's all?"

"Hn."

Kakashi sat up and cool air assaulted his damp back. It invigorated him.

"I feel really good except for a slight headache."

"Dehydration." Sasuke created a ball of flame in his hand to give a little light so Kakashi could see the ewer of water on the nightstand.

"I was afraid I went blind for a moment," Kakashi admitted.

Sasuke let the fire die out when Kakashi set his glass down again. He hummed contentedly. "Do you need anything?"

"To walk."

"Need company?"

"I thought I was required to have company."

"True. I would say fuck it and let you go alone, but my people would react badly. However, I meant, do you want me to go with you?"

"If you want to come."

"Not really. I want to sleep. Let me summon someone to escort you."

Kakashi felt a bit guilty to make Sasuke get up and that someone would have to go out of their way for him, but he really needed to move and get some air.

Sasuke turned on the light and slipped on a robe. He went to the door and told his guard to find someone awake who was free to escort Kakashi. Kakashi got dressed while Sasuke slipped back into bed and was soon asleep. Kakashi stepped out into the corridor with the guard to await his escort.

He didn't really think about anything as he waited, but once a masked member of Sasuke's ANBU arrived and they started walking, his mind wandered. He thought about that collapse and how Sasuke had explained the experience; it made sense. He thought about how their relationship was shaping up and how he couldn't believe he'd never considered being more sexually adventurous before.

He also considered how remarkable he felt afterward. Right now he felt wonderful. He felt he understood Sasuke and Shou and Sasuke's other lovers. If this refreshed feeling was what they got out of it, he completely understood it. The oblivion and drop were beneficial too. For someone like Sasuke who had so many bad memories, oblivion would be a wonderful release, a few minutes when one just didn't think. Didn't remember. And it was cathartic in the extreme. But he wondered if Sasuke experienced something like that as a Dominant sadist. Probably not, but he must experience something.

Physically, his body felt loose. It was like the best orgasm in his life that just relaxed every muscle and joint, even his bones felt loose. He felt limber and light. Though, he didn't remember having an orgasm.

It was still dark. No one was on the streets except the occasional shinobi. The wind was cold and invigorating, the sound of it kept it from being oppressively quite. He took in a lungful of air. The sweet scents of cold weather flowers were becoming familiar. He knew the streets now and even after wandering without paying attention to his surroundings, he immediately recognized where he was when he came back to himself. He was feeling more at home here now than he did in the rebuilt streets of Konoha.

Once he finished recovering and Sasuke gave him a job as either a shinobi or maybe as an advisor, he would be happy here.

He headed back to the Tower. At Sasuke's door, he thanked the ANBU who nodded and disappeared. Sasuke was still asleep and Kakashi slipped into bed.

xxxxx

Shou seemed to recognize something in Kakashi the next morning. At least Kakashi thought so. He felt a kinship with Shou now. They were both Sasuke's lovers. They both experienced sublime release by Sasuke's hands. They had both had their souls whipped and caressed by Sasuke. Something of that must have showed on the visible part of Kakashi's face or in his posture.

It wasn't just in Kakashi's head; Shou was more natural with him today. Shou's body was less stiff and the silence was easier.

Kakashi stopped to sit on a park bench. Shou stood next to the bench, ever the guard.

The weather shifted and people hurried to get out of the coming weather. Kakashi and Shou just looked up at the dark clouds coming in from over the sea.

As people fled, Shou relaxed even more. Soon, the two of them were alone. Shou didn't sit, but he felt more accessible now.

"There's no one around, why don't you sit for minute?"

"I'll stand. We should go in before the storm arrives."

"We have a few minutes."

Shou stood silent for a minute watching the dark clouds roll in thicker and thicker. "Sasuke-sama has been more . . . human since you came here. I'm not sure that is all a good thing."

"What do you mean?"

"He's vulnerable. His guard is up, but he never had to raise it before. He was just made of stone. Now . . . I think he's scared. You're the chink in his armor and now he has to protect it. I wish you hadn't come here."

"I understand that. I wish I hadn't either. You said something about understanding my place in Sasuke's life. I don't know what my place is supposed to be in the world anymore. I used to know. The war and finding out about his brother shook my faith, but I still knew where I belonged. Now . . . I don't know."

"At least Sasuke-sama's not the only one. You should have hated him; you'd both suffer less if you hated him."

"We both are suffering from love, aren't we, Sasuke and I? I do love him. I realize he's not been with anyone else; I feel guilty."

"Don't. We all know our places. We all know what you are to him. Sasuke is very practical; he only chose partners who would not cause him trouble. Don't worry about us."

"Thank you."

"Thanks aren't needed. Let's return."

"Hai."

xxxxx

Kakashi finally felt healthy, like a civilian at peak physical condition, yet still weak for a shinobi. He was still cold and stir-crazy being trapped in this room for most of the hours of the day. The books Sasuke had sent him were at least somewhat diverting and some he had never read before. He didn't touch Jiraiya's books since he knew them so well, they couldn't divert his mind like they once did. His sex life was more interesting now anyway.

He realized he was turning into a pet dog, one that needed feeding and being taken for a walk once a day and one who looked forward to his master's return in the evening.

But tonight, Sasuke was different. He was quiet and couldn't even be prompted into talking. He didn't even 'hn' all during dinner. Kakashi tried to draw Sasuke out, but he didn't respond.

"Shower with me?" Sasuke finally said after their meal.

Kakashi followed him into the bathroom and after they were clean, Sasuke pulled him to the ufou for a soak. Several times, Sasuke drew in a breath to speak, but then he'd just let the breath out silently. He finally just relaxed, resigned to not speak at all.

Kakashi figured Sasuke was just stressed from work. Perhaps he wanted to vent to Kakashi, but couldn't speak about those matters. They just sat together in the water touching each other affectionately, but not sexually.

Once the cold air sapped the warmth from the water, they got out and dried and put on robes to stave off the cold. Sasuke sat on the bed, his eyes unfocused, pointing at the floor. Kakashi was concerned and for the third time tonight, asked what was wrong.

Again, Sasuke took several breaths to speak, but didn't. At last, he looked at Kakashi and confessed, "I'm going to have to send you back."

"What?"

"Konoha's been in contact. We're playing games at this point, but they want you back. They are sure you're here. Any pretense of an alliance might fail if you stay any longer. My people and I have been so careful not kill their scouts, but . . . I fear what they might do. You're going to escape."

"Escape?"

"I've kept you prisoner here, but you regained enough strength to escape and found the entrance to the escape tunnel in my closet. Arrogantly, I'll leave papers on a table and you'll take them and run. Hopefully, they won't look into your mind if you're detailed enough. Tell them about the torture and the rape and tell them I used you as a sex slave. Paint me as the monster I really am."

Kakashi's heart broke. He opened his mouth to argue with Sasuke's description of himself, but Sasuke put out a hand to stop him.

"Don't deny it. I did terrible things to you. I raped you. I'm a sadist. Make sure you let them know how depraved I am." Sasuke let his pain show. "I don't want to send you away, but I can't risk war with Konoha. Even mild conflict might spur on Kumo. The collapse of our alliance will inspire Kumo to attack. They really want me dead. If they knew—Tell Konoha that I don't have the strength to attack, but more than enough to defend. Tell them I live on the fourth floor. I trust you not to fuck me over and tell them everything you know. If they do look in your mind, flee, come back to me and we'll weather the storm together. Otherwise, stay away."

Sasuke's eyes grew sadder. "There are so few things I desire. I'm denied every single one of them. I love you, but I can't keep you. I'm sorry I indulged myself. I'm so sorry you love me back. I won't be the only one to suffer from my actions. My own selfishness surprises me. Everything I've done, I've done for my own selfishness."

"I don't think you're that selfish. Most of what you've done was for your clan."

"Was it revenge for my clan? My father? My mother? Then after my brother's death, was it revenge for my brother? No. It was all for me. I'm a selfish brat. I always have been, haven't I, sensei? I wanted you, I wanted to love you, I wanted you to love me, even though I knew I couldn't keep you. Why did I make it harder for both of us? I knew I was going to send you back. Everything I desire, it always ends in pain."

Nothing moved Kakashi more than the heavy tear that ran down Sasuke's cheek then. It tore his heart into pieces. Sasuke was no longer the grown up leader of a country, but back to the twelve year old child Kakashi took under his wing who he more than once caught crying over his family.

No, he wasn't. This was the man he wanted to love. The man he wanted fuck into oblivion. His own oblivion and Sasuke's.

He knelt in front of Sasuke and caressed his bare knee. "When?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Why so soon?"

"I've delayed already. Today, I got a letter from Tsunade asking that any captive Konoha shinobi be released. She didn't mention you by name, but you're the only one." Sasuke drew a deep breath and sighed. The feeble attempt at a smirk was heartbreaking. "I wish I had another Konoha shinobi up my sleeve so I could hold her off a little longer. Or I had the courage to say you were dead or tell the truth. She'd send an assassin faster than I would."

He looked at Kakashi's hand on his thigh. Sasuke absently traced the fading tan line left by his fingerless gloves. He picked it up and guided two of Kakashi's fingers into his mouth to suck. Kakashi stood up without removing his fingers from Sasuke's mouth and straddled Sasuke's thighs. He only pulled his fingers from Sasuke's mouth to kiss him.

Kakashi pulled at the sash of Sasuke's robe and put his hands on Sasuke's chest and slid them over Sasuke's shoulders to push the robe away. He shrugged off his own robe.

Sasuke slid back until he was lying properly in the bed. Kakashi followed as if they were attached by their lips.

Kakashi's hands and mouth couldn't get enough of the young osa. He groped and stroked every inch of skin within reach and ran his mouth, his lips, his tongue, his teeth over his neck, shoulder, back, ear, jaw, and throat. He wanted to memorize and devour this paragon.

They weren't even having sex, just touching and rubbing and kissing anything they could. They kissed, plundering each other's mouths. Whose tears seasoned that kiss, Kakashi wasn't sure. It was their tears that made them part. Kakashi stared at Sasuke's face, but Sasuke wouldn't look at him, his head tilted down and his eyes closed, ashamed to be seen weeping.

Kakashi mused Sasuke's hair, their passion guttered. Kakashi still couldn't get enough of the texture of Sasuke's skin and hair, alternating between stroking his hair and the skin of his shoulder.

"I'll miss you ten times more than I did the last time," Kakashi said.

Sasuke sniffed. "A hundred."

"I think I missed you more than you did me."

"You did. But I'll miss you more this time. Why did you come here? Why couldn't Tsunade leave me safely separated from my past. That's all I wanted."

"Maybe we can just look back happily at this time together."

Sasuke laughed. "You, an optimist?"

"No. I will suffer. I just want to comfort you. Even if it's lies. I'm good at lying."

"You lie with a comforting smile. I remember."

"I can't smile now. I have to remember, you're not a kid that will believe comforting lies anymore."

"Just promise me three things: don't tell them everything about me or the village; undo the damage I did and train back up to your former state; and don't die. Maybe some—" Sasuke cut himself off. He hugged Kakashi tightly. It was clear Sasuke believed there would not be a 'someday'.

Sasuke's hands moved over Kakashi's body. Chakra flowed through his touch. It wasn't the kind of chakra used in medical jutsu, but a far more raw form that felt warm and cold at the same time. His face, his chest, his back, his thighs . . . everywhere Sasuke could touch. Kakashi just touched and kissed him.

Neither of them wanted to sleep. They fell into dozes, waking to caress and kiss and then slip away again. What sleep they got was fitful.

Nevertheless, Sasuke rose early and dressed. He sat on the bed and stared at Kakashi as he got a last few minutes of sleep. Kakashi woke up and Sasuke scooted nearer to finger comb Kakashi's hair while he stared at his face.

"I want to delay it a day," Sasuke said. "But then I would keep delaying until it was too late." He swallowed. "I love you."

"I love you too. I don't want to leave, but I will for your sake."

Sasuke got up and tossed his wool coat on the foot of the bed. "Take it."

Kakashi got up and pulled Sasuke into another kiss. It became the most passionate kiss they ever had. It started as several small kisses then panicked, desperate open mouth kisses. Sasuke's mouth started tasting saltier; it took Kakashi a few seconds to realize it was because there were tears running down both their faces.

Sasuke's hand stroked Kakashi's cheek as the kiss died away. They kept their faces close.

"I love you," Sasuke repeated.

"I love you."

Sasuke wiped his face with his hands and went to the door. He stood facing it and took several deep breathes, trying to recover control of his emotions.

His eyes red and swollen, Sasuke turned to Kakashi before he left the room. "Don't be here when I come back." He didn't wait for Kakashi to agree. Sasuke shut the door without looking back again.

Kakashi got up and went to the bathroom to clean up. He was shocked when he looked into the mirror. When Sasuke had touched him with his chakra activated, he was bruising the skin. It hadn't hurt, but his skin was blotchy with dark spots. Even his face. He turned to see what his back looked like and it was striped as if Sasuke had used the bamboo cane. His body was still slightly bruised from their night in Sasuke's personal dungeon and his sparring with the jounin before that. He looked like he was being beaten over a long period of time. Exactly what Sasuke wanted Konoha to think.

Kakashi's face grew hot and his lip trembled. He was actually close to sobbing. He felt like he would never see Sasuke again. And Konoha would think the worst of Sasuke now. How would that help their alliance?

He reluctantly dressed. He didn't have his uniform anymore, just the clothes Sasuke gave him. He put on Sasuke's thick coat and folded the papers Sasuke left into the pockets. He opened the closet door. That trap door he'd noticed before was the escape hatch. He pulled it open and looked into the darkness. He stared for a minute then jumped down into the abyss.

Lights automatically came on leading in two directions. Kakashi took a moment to get his bearings and took the southern path.

He made it to the tunnel hatch. He took a deep, heavy breath and opened the door. He ran. If he didn't run, he would stop completely and return. He had to keep running. He had to make it over the border. Oddly, it wasn't hard to run when his heart was being destroyed. He didn't stop to sense patrols, he just kept running. He didn't even pay attention to the border. He just ran. Maybe he'd come to his senses when he made it home. Maybe he'd forget his love for Sasuke. Maybe he could escape whatever influence Sasuke had on him. Once he was home, the sight of things familiar would cleanse his palate and he could return to a time when he didn't love Sasuke so much. He ran until he collapsed, stumbling to a stop and falling on his face.

He didn't care enough to try to stand.

Four shinobi landed around him.

"It's Kakashi-san," a man's voice said.

"Hurry, let's get him to safety," said another man.

A male presence knelt next to him, grabbed him, and pulled him onto his shoulders. He was home, on the back of an ANBU patrol. Why wasn't he happy or relieved?


	5. Chapter 5

My first attempt at Kakashi/Iruka. It's not a pairing I've ever really liked because it felt people only got into it because they are both Naruto's teachers. Otherwise, I never saw a reason for them to get together. Here is one of only two likely scenario's I can come up with. Will I write the other? Maybe.

Yamanaka Santa is the name of a real character in Naruto. He is the one Kakashi teams up with when they are fighting the reanimated Seven Swordsmen of the Mist.

Beta'ed by PhoenixInnocence

* * *

The pain he woke with was nowhere near the pain of waking up in Sasuke's bed after that dungeon, but he refused to move nevertheless. This time, however, he could feel the warm sunlight and smell the heat of it coming up from his fresh sheets. He opened his eyes.

Instead of a darkened room and a dark haired man, it was the bright hospital room in Konoha and a bright haired woman. Not the leader of one village, but the leader of another.

"Hokage-sama."

"Kakashi. Welcome home."

Kakashi tried to sit up, but Tsunade pushed him back down. "I'm so very sorry, Kakashi. I tried to get you back. I'm so relieved you escaped."

"Forgive me, Hokage-sama. I broke. I told him why I was there."

"Don't worry, Kakashi. I examined you while you were unconscious, so I know what happened. You went through a lot. I think you lasted far longer than anyone else would have."

"But I didn't just tell him why I was there; I told him about everything I discovered. He knows his own weaknesses and will fix them. I betrayed Konoha. Forgive me."

Tsunade shook her head. "You're forgiven. If I had known something like that would happen to any of my shinobi, I wouldn't have sent anyone. I'm the one who's sorry, Kakashi. I should have known better than to send someone he had a history with. I'm giving you time off to recover. Full pay as well as pay for the time you were gone. Four months of torture," she mused. "It's remarkable anyone could hold out that long."

"Four months?"

"You've been missing for four months. Four months after you were due to return."

"I thought maybe two. But my sense of time was distorted. Four months?" He knew he was only with Sasuke at the end for three weeks. Three months of torture? How was that possible? Did he sleep for a month? Was his memory lacking?

"Very quickly, I want to know if you garnered any information. You can write up a full report at your leisure, but I want anything important that you learned now."

"Most of what I learned is no longer valid. I told him all his weaknesses when I broke. I can only give you intel on five individuals." Kakashi's voice returned somewhat to normal, sinking into his normal 'reporting in' tone. "The two in charge of me were about fifteen. Sasuke said they were apprenticing in interrogation and I was their first solo case. They were brash and sadistic, but followed orders. They fear and respect Sasuke even though Sasuke isn't much older than they are. I never heard their names.

"The girl, Sayeko, I'm pretty sure she's Sasuke's student; she's close to him. I think he tried to use her as a sympathetic ploy which failed. It was after that that Sasuke worked on me himself. She seemed nice and shy, sort of like Hinata, but if she is Sasuke's apprentice, she must be harder than that. I also suspect she's a genjutsu user. I never witnessed her using any jutsu.

"Sasuke has his own ANBU corps, of course. He had one of them in charge of me, though he wasn't there at all times. His code name was Shou, but I don't think it's a name that will be used again. He's good. Very professional. I think he was raised as a shinobi so he's either a missing-nin or someone Orochimaru had captured. He didn't reveal any techniques or any characteristic that I could use to identify him. He was always masked and the only thing I can say is that he's maybe an inch taller than me with black hair.

"The one that caught me was actually a giant cat."

Tsunade nodded knowingly. "The Uchiha were close to a loyal clan of cats. That they're serving him now in his new village isn't surprising."

"It's name was Bonna. That's all I can tell you."

"Did you read the documents you brought back?"

"No. I didn't have time."

"They suggest Sasuke's village isn't strong enough to be a threat, but strong enough to defend itself. Do you agree with that assessment?"

"Their defense is very strong, but I didn't see much in the way of offense. It's probably accurate. The feeling I got from my entire time there was that they are far more concerned with strengthening their position and security than attacking anyone. Conquest isn't on anyone's mind there."

Tsunade nodded approvingly. "Rest, Kakashi. I'm keeping the gaki and Gai away; I'm sure they're the last people you want to deal with right now. I'm restricting visitors completely for a few days except for Yamanaka Santa and Ibiki. Talk to them. When you feel like receiving visitors, let me know."

"Thank you. Could I just dictate my report to Iruka?"

"Of course. When?"

"Tomorrow. I want to get it over with."

"Tomorrow then. I'm actually very proud of you Kakashi. Four months; that has to be a record."

Kakashi didn't take any pleasure from her praise; he knew he did far more than talk. He fell desperately in love with the greatest potential enemy Konoha could have.

xxxxx

It was late afternoon when Iruka arrived in Kakashi's hospital room.

Kakashi had already began to recover while in Kazaguruma, so he wasn't nearly as weak as Iruka expected. Kakashi sat up and leaned forward over a bent knee.

"Thanks for this, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka offered a forced smile. He hadn't been given any details, but he was warned that Kakashi had requested that he come and take his report about his capture and torture. He didn't feel right smiling, but he wanted to keep the mood as light as possible. "It's better than trying to read your chicken scratch."

Kakashi's face was covered as usual, but his eyes showed he smiled. Iruka took a seat and dug through his bag for paper and pen.

Kakashi took a deep breath and started his tale. He began with his border crossing and sneaking around the countryside and then into the village Kazaguruma. He told Iruka everything about his spying. When it came to his capture and torture, Kakashi left nothing out, not even his hallucination of Rin. He detailed everything he could.

His story didn't deviate from the truth until he woke up in Sasuke's bed.

"I woke up in a bed as Sasuke promised, but it was Sasuke's bed. He raped me again, but he wasn't violent about it. I was too weak to struggle. He kept me there for at least three weeks, but I was unsure of the passage of time. I slept a lot. I got up whenever I could and tried to retrain my body, but it was difficult. Sasuke knew it too, but didn't scold me or bind me.

"I'm not even sure I could call it rape, I just gave in. He didn't sleep there though. It may not have actually been his own room because he never slept there, but otherwise, it seemed to be his room. The door and windows were always guarded.

"I eventually found the escape tunnel in Sasuke's closet. Once I felt I had the strength, I grabbed whatever papers he'd left in the room and ran. I was lucky not to get caught; I made it over the border and collapsed."

Iruka had grimly written down every word. He was struck to the heart by what Kakashi had gone through. He remembered Sasuke as child and that he could have grown to become such a monster hit him as well. Then again, he always had that dark look in his eyes, that superior air, that glare. Maybe it wasn't so surprising.

"Um, I'll file it right away." Iruka couldn't look up, couldn't look Kakashi in the eyes after what he heard; he was too embarrassed.

"Thank you, Iruka. I couldn't stand the idea of having to write it out; it was easier to say it."

"I understand. I'm just glad you made it out and you look pretty good considering."

"How would you know, Iruka? You've barely glanced at me since you came in."

Iruka blushed. "Sorry. It's just embarrassing, you know."

"Oh, I know."

"But you do look well."

"At a glance."

"At a glance," Iruka conceded. He did look up to see the amused look in Kakashi's eyes. That put him more at ease even as the amusement bled from his eyes.

Iruka had only seen Kakashi once since his eye was restored during the war and never saw his Sharingan before. Now, Kakashi was without his headband at all. He had his normal mask and sleeveless shirt and it was the first time Iruka had seen Kakashi this stripped down. Both eyes, hardly wearing anything, and his hair left completely wild . . . This was the first time Iruka realized how hot Kakashi was. Not threatening or intimidating, just sexy. But Kakashi had just been raped. Several times. He would have no interest in a relationship with another man.

Iruka blushed and averted his eyes for a different reason this time. Amusement filled Kakashi's eyes again. Kakashi knew exactly what Iruka was thinking. He grew depressed again and his throat tightened. He would probably never see Sasuke again and here was his opposite in many ways: tanned, leaner build, warm eyes, not possessing godlike power, and so, so kind.

Kakashi was feeling alone, abandoned. Iruka was attractive and kind and apparently attracted to him. He swallowed past that lump in his throat. At least maybe he could confide in Iruka.

"Call me an ass or whatever, I don't mean any offense, but you loved Mizuki, right?"

Iruka looked up, stunned by the sudden change and choice of subjects, but under the circumstances and the depressed look Kakashi had, Iruka was sure this wasn't teasing.

"Yeah, I did."

"How did you deal with it all? Him turning traitor and being locked up? Trying to kill you?"

"It was hard. I sort of poured my heart into Naruto. I realized my life was better without someone like Mizuki in it. He was haughty and belittling."

Kakashi sighed. Iruka was concerned. Certainly Kakashi was capable of love, but . . .

"Did you lose someone, Kakashi-san?"

"Yeah." The word came out heavy.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes." He rubbed his eyes.

"I'll gladly listen."

"Everything is strictly between us."

"I won't tell another soul."

Kakashi stared at him, evaluating the truth behind those words. He sighed and looked away. "Why is the only person I could ever love the one person I can't have?"

"You've never been in love before?"

"Never. Rin was like a sister. I've never _loved_ anyone before. I didn't want to love him. I can't help it; I love him. My heart aches for him. It ached even when he was right there. I can't see my own future anymore. There's nothing. My life's a blank now. I just want him back, but I know I'll never see him again."

"Who?" Iruka figured it had to be someone Kakashi met while he was on this mission, while he was searching for information. Kakashi hadn't mentioned anyone, but that might have been because his actions with that person would violate his mission or his oath to Konoha. The idea that it could be Sasuke didn't even occur.

"I can't say. I don't know what to do. I just . . . between him and what happened . . . I don't want to go on missions anymore, I don't want to do anything. The pain in my heart just seems to course through my veins. The thing is, I know the pain would still be there even if he was in my arms. I love him so much."

"Does he love you?"

"I really don't know for sure. He said he did, but I can't really trust what he said."

"He's an enemy shinobi."

Kakashi nodded.

"You don't want to be a shinobi anymore?"

"I don't. I'm in my thirties; ancient for a shinobi. My body's been so badly abused that I'm not sure I could train back up to standards. And I've never broken before. I really have no confidence that I could bear any torture again. I would talk rather than face anything like that again. I'm afraid I . . . If I went out there again, I'd be afraid. I don't have my Sharingan anymore. I was feeling vulnerable without it, but now I feel like . . . like I'm powerless. Defenseless. No weapons, no armor. I now know I'm not good enough without my Sharingan."

"That's not true. You're still a formidable shinobi."

"But I don't feel it. If I have no confidence; I can't do my job."

"Perhaps that's for the best," Iruka said gently. "If you faced him in the field, could you kill him?"

"Never."

Iruka nodded. "Let me recommend retirement to Tsunade. I'll tell her all of that, except for your lover."

"Thank you. But I don't know what to do."

Iruka knew what he wanted to say to Kakashi: 'Go to him.' But that wasn't possible. Kakashi would be a missing-nin, retired or not. And his lover might not truly love him—even Kakashi doubted the man—and kill him or betray him to Sasuke who would not be lenient a second time. Also sending him out there feeling as powerless as he did might be a death sentence.

"Just please promise me you won't do anything rash."

"I vowed long ago never to go like my father did."

"Rest. Heal. I'll talk to Tsunade. You're not the first shinobi to retire; there's something you can to do."

"But the pain won't go away."

"Not completely, but with time it gets easier."

"Thank you, Iruka. You're the kindest person I know and the only one I feel I can trust. That's why I asked for you. I am sorry that you had to hear those things, but I trust you."

"Thank you."

xxxxx

Iruka handed in Kakashi's report to Tsunade.

"There's something else I'd like to discuss," Iruka said. "He talked to me, confidentially. He should retire. He can't be a shinobi anymore."

"Just because of the capture? Many shinobi have been able to bounce back. He may have been under duress longer than any other, but Ibiki and others suffered far worse, albeit for shorter lengths of time."

"It's not just that. He feels like he can't be effective anymore. The loss of his Sharingan has made him feel inadequate. I'm not sure how much he relied on it, but he must of have depended on it. He doesn't feel like he can do his job. He also doubts that he can train back up to his former standards. I think he might have some post traumatic stress too. He said that he would feel afraid to go back out in the field. His confidence is shattered. I don't think he should be allowed to return to service. Anyway, he's lost the heart for it. I was worried he might attempt suicide, but he assured me that he wouldn't go the way his father did."

Tsunade sighed. "He's on leave for a few weeks to recuperate. He has time to think about it. If he still believes he can't return to work, I'll grant him retirement. He's done so much for us for so long, he deserves it. He talked to you, so I want you to keep an eye on him. Help him; I don't want to lose him."

"I'll do my best."

"Yamanaka Santa and Ibiki will talk to him tomorrow morning. See if he'll let you sit in tomorrow as well. If he's shared more information with you, I want someone to know the full story."

"Understood."

xxxxx

Kakashi did let Iruka stay while he talked to Santa and Ibiki. Both men were impressed by Kakashi's endurance. Kakashi didn't feel like he deserved their awe. Iruka's heart ached for him. The praise he was receiving seemed to just beat him down further.

"Let me look into your mind," Santa requested. "I won't go very deep."

"Fine," Kakashi sighed.

Santa came up to him and put his hand on Kakashi head. Kakashi pushed the worst of his experience to the forefront and Santa didn't try to dig any deeper; what he saw was horrible enough—the torture in the cell and what Kakashi could really remember of the rape—and it corroborated his report. He said as much when he ended the connection.

That done, Santa told Kakashi that he would need to see them for therapy to treat the PTSD and Ibiki said he would offer any help Kakashi wanted. Then Iruka was left alone with Kakashi.

"I know you feel like you failed, but you really—"

"I don't need praise, as sincere as it might be."

"Kakashi-san, it kills me to see you like this. No one in this village is more respected than you."

Kakashi huffed. "That respect is based on tales. Lies. Half truths. If you knew the whole story behind those stories my reputation is built on . . ."

"Stop it. I know how reputations are built. Yours is deserved. You are a leader and skilled."

"I've completed hundreds of missions, but I failed every time it mattered."

Iruka looked like Kakashi had just said Iruka had failed every time it mattered. He looked wounded. But a moment later he was stern. "That's enough!"

Kakashi looked up in shock at Iruka's outburst.

"You are wallowing in self-pity. You don't think you can work anymore, and you might be right. But trying to degrade yourself and the example you've provided to others is just cruelty directed at yourself. It's selfish."

This was the sensei Naruto and others feared and respected. Kakashi's shocked expression eased and he smiled softly. "Hai, Iruka-sensei. Forgive me."

Only now did Iruka realize what he'd just done and said. He blushed.

The tightness was back in Kakashi's throat. He forced a swallow. "It's just that it all still weighs on me. Obito, Rin, losing Sasuke. I succeed in missions, I've protected many comrades, but when it comes to the people I really care about, I lose them. I lose every single one of them. Itachi was my subordinate for a short time; did you know that?"

Iruka shook his head.

"When he killed his clan . . . I felt like it was my fault. He was under my command for months and I didn't see it. I saw the darkness that allowed him to be a good ANBU, but I didn't see . . . I didn't see a murderer. Of course, in retrospect, knowing the truth, there was nothing to see. But I can't shake that feeling of guilt. Like I could have helped. I could have prevented it all.

"I wasn't allowed to go to Minato's side during the kyuubi attack. But I had a Sharingan. I was a jounin. I was in ANBU. If I had been at his side, they would still be alive. I could have trapped the kyuubi in a genjutsu. I could have fought. But I was forced to hide in the forest. Like a civilian. Like a coward.

"I lost Sasuke. But then I wasn't good enough to protect my sensei's son. Jiraiya took him from me to train and protect. That was my job. He was my student. And Sakura. She left me to train under Tsunade. I lost all my students. They were taken in by the Sanin, but I still lost my students.

"My father abandoned me, Obito died because of my stubbornness, Rin threw herself in front of my attack because I couldn't protect her, I couldn't save her in time.

"Now, even Gai nearly died right in front of me. It's just too much death. Too much loss. My students are alive, but they're not mine, they're not my children. They have their own lives, making their own places in the world. Without me. I'm alone. Everyone leaves or dies. What future do I have? I can't even work and earn a shinobi's death. What's left?"

"You have friends who are alive."

"True. Tenzou, Genma, Raidō . . Gai's still alive, but crippled. Kurenai. But I can count them on one hand. I haven't been disgraced like my father was, but I understand. What am I living for?"

Iruka didn't realize any of this. He didn't realize what losing his students had meant to Kakashi. When he recommended them for the Chunin Exams, he called them his soldiers. Iruka didn't realize how wounded Kakashi really was. This experience was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. It had really broken him.

Iruka put on a brave face and smiled gently. "You're entering a new phase in your life; you'll find something to live for."

Kakashi wanted to cry. He wanted to pull Iruka to him. He was just so good and kind. He didn't understand anything, but he listened, he cared. Why did he have to fall in love with Sasuke? Why couldn't he have fallen in love with Iruka before he left on this damn mission? Anything now would be tainted by his feelings for Sasuke. Tainted by that hole in his heart Sasuke carved out.

"Thank you, Iruka."

xxxxx

Kakashi was released from the hospital and was summoned to the Hokage's office. He stood before her desk, only five minutes late. It was melancholy, not visiting graves, that made him late today.

"Kakashi, I know everyone, even you, expected that you would be the next Hokage. Your physical condition really has little bearing on the position—Sarutobi-sensei wasn't as spry as he once was when he was Hokage." She left out her own physical condition. "But I think it best for someone else to succeed me."

Kakashi didn't want the position, but it stung. He lost the confidence of his superiors. "I understand. What about my retirement?"

"That, I am not going to grant. Rather, I'm promoting you. I want you to take over as the second in command of ANBU. Well, third to me. It's administrative."

Kakashi nodded. "I accept."

"Not naming you Hokage is not a sign of lost of trust," she explained.

 _Oh, but it is,_ Kakashi thought. When Sasuke said that because of him Kakashi would never be Hokage, this is what he meant. He always knew he'd be sending Kakashi back and that he'd destroyed his chances of getting the top job. That's why he reacted the way he did.

"I understand. Putting me so high up in ANBU is a position of trust." _Or where to put someone who needs to be watched._ His heart was being rung. He'd lost Sasuke and he'd lost the faith of his homeland. He lost everything. He couldn't have one or the other. A desk job.

"I hope my experience will be an asset to ANBU."

Tsunade gave him a warm smile. "I know your input will be invaluable. You have another two weeks to recuperate and get resettled."

xxxxx

Kakashi returned to his small apartment. He really hadn't spent much time here in the nearly two years since the end of the war. It was lonely especially after sharing a room with Sasuke for several weeks. The enormity of all of it hit him and his stomach sank. His life had changed forever and not for the better. He was alone and distrusted. Sasuke's words came back to him: 'We're both alone.'

He had nothing to unpack. He'd asked for the clothes he escaped in for when he left the hospital. People probably thought he wanted them as a trophy from escaping, but it was to remember Sasuke. They were the clothes Sasuke gave him; his own uniform had pretty much been destroyed. They also gave him Sasuke's coat. He pressed the wool to his face and inhaled. He didn't smell Sasuke.

He took a shower. It made him feel more at home: this was _his_ shower. Then he could dress in his own clothes. Then he sat on _his_ bed. But he was alone with nothing to do.

He sat there for a long time before someone knocked on the door. He stood to answer, already exhausted thinking it was Gai; he couldn't deal with his enthusiasm now. But he stood straighter when he opened the door and saw Iruka standing there.

"I wanted to see how you were settling in."

Kakashi took a breath to speak, but he let it out as a sigh. Why lie to Iruka? "It doesn't feel like home. I'm bored and there's just nothing I want to do."

Iruka gave him a look of sympathy. Kakashi hated that look; he didn't want sympathy.

"Hey, let's go out for ramen," Iruka suggested. "Get out and do something normal."

Kakashi smiled. "Yeah, that's a perfect idea."

xxxxx

He needed this. This was the epitome of normalcy. All he needed was a loud blond next to him and his favorite book in his hand.

Teuchi served them their usual orders and turned to clean. Though he heard all—and most knew it—he at least made it look like he heard nothing.

"What have Naruto and Sakura been up to since I left?" Kakashi asked.

"Oh, you weren't around!" Iruka exclaimed excitedly. "Naruto and Hinata are dating!"

Sasuke had already broken that news to him with far less enthusiasm, but Iruka could see nothing but his eyes which looked honestly shocked. He remembered what Sasuke said: they balanced each other out. He and Kakashi balanced being equal. It made him sad and that bled into his expression.

"I think everyone in the village knew she had a crush on him, but he finally saw it and asked her out."

"He knew," Kakashi said. "Hinata running out to confront Pain all by herself must have been a sight. Even before that, I knew she loved him. I think he realized it then. He just wasn't ready."

"You're right. Why are you sad?"

"That's one of my kids."

Iruka smiled. "I've seen so many students go on and grow up. Naruto's class wasn't my first, but they were the most special, mostly because of Naruto. I still get choked up, but I guess it doesn't hit me as hard."

Iruka tried to be polite and not look Kakashi's way too much to prevent accidentally seeing Kakashi's face, even though he wanted to see it as much as anyone. He blushed at the very idea.

"What about Sakura?" Kakashi asked.

"I last saw her buying medical ingredients about a week ago. Nothing new with her that I know of. Really, nothing much happened while you were gone except with Naruto and Hinata."

"I wondered about it. I spent a long time in the dark. I've been gone over five months." Spying for one and captured for four. The loss of time felt heavy. "Nothing's happened, but the world feels so different."

Iruka didn't know how to respond.

"At least the excellent ramen here hasn't changed," Kakashi said with more cheer and louder so Teuchi could hear him. "The whole village rebuilt, but at least our ramen is as delicious as always."

xxxxx

Iruka split off to his own home half way towards Kakashi's apartment. Kakashi tried not to look like he was hurrying back to his apartment, but he was feeling exposed out here. It was his own village, but he still felt like he was being watched.

His single latch key had nothing to jangle against as he opened his door, but his neighbor must have been listening for him. The old woman, a retired kunoichi, came out and greeted him.

"I thought I heard you come home, Kakashi-san." She picked up his houseplant from the table just inside her door and handed it to him.

"Thank you for looking after him."

"Not at all." She smiled. "It was a long mission this time."

"Quite."

"A hard one too."

He knew he didn't look well; it didn't take a shinobi to notice that. "Yeah. Thank you again."

He retreated into his sanctuary. He held the pot in his arms for a minute, like it was puppy he was reunited with. "I'm home," he said to it, then he put Mr. Ukki back in his place on the windowsill.

When the building was blown down by Pain, Mr. Ukki's original pot had shattered, but the little plant had survived. He lost a few leaves, but he was found among the remnants of Kakashi's apartment. His books were found with him and a few other things. Kakashi bought a new pot—another orange one—then wrote the name on the pot like the original, but it was his own chicken scratch rather than Naruto's childish scrawl.

Kakashi rubbed one of the leaves. It was pathetic how much affection he had for a houseplant. He still had no idea why, but Team Seven had given Mr. Ukki to him. Naruto presented it to him saying it was from the three of them. Sasuke and Sakura stood behind him; Sasuke looked away, a little embarrassed, and Sakura was smiling like Naruto. It was sweet of them. It hadn't been his birthday or anything, so he never figured out why they had chosen to give him a gift. Especially a houseplant. Maybe the name was a clue: "gloomy." Perhaps he'd been gloomy for a few days and they wanted to cheer him up.

He checked the soil; a little dry. He took the glass he kept just for Mr. Ukki, put a drop of plant food in, then went to the kitchen to fill it with water. He poured the water in slowly. It was pathetic really. He really didn't want this little plant to die. He was relieved when it was found in the rubble. It was stupid to care so much for a plant.

He changed back into his pajamas, shut the curtains, and slipped into bed before the sun set.

xxxxx

Kakashi didn't even think of leaving his bed the next day until the afternoon light darkened to bronzy gold through his curtains. He just wanted to stay in bed. His back hurt and his head hurt. He sat up and had to laugh: it was the same as when he started his recovery in Sasuke's bedroom.

As his stomach started to complain about being empty, he realized he didn't have any food. He rubbed his head hard, kicking his hair up into more disarray. He sat there in a tank top and pajama pants with a shuriken pattern. They were loose on him.

The knock on his door startled him. He was equally startled to notice it was dark now. He turned on his lamp and went to the door. He was less surprised to see Iruka this time.

"I brought take out," Iruka announced cheerily. "I figured you wouldn't want to go out shopping or to eat, so I thought I would bring you something."

Kakashi gave him a sad, but affectionate smile. "Thank you. Come in."

Kakashi made tea, that was one thing that had some shelf life and he didn't routinely toss before a long mission. Iruka opened the boxes on Kakashi's low table. Kakashi handed him a pair of plates and Iruka got comfortable while Kakashi waited for the water to boil.

"I think I have some sake as well," Kakashi offered.

"I shouldn't; I have class in the morning."

Kakashi realized he had no idea what day it was. Was it Sunday? Midweek? Time had no meaning in Sasuke's bedroom.

He measured a good amount of leaves in the pot and, once the water started to simmer, he turned off the gas and poured the water. Kakashi sat down with two tea cups in his hand. The room was meant for a bachelor, so there wasn't a lot of room around the table, so Kakashi's back was nearly against the wall. Iruka had more room behind him.

"Itadakimasu," Kakashi said. Iruka followed suit and they ate while the tea steeped.

Kakashi was careful as ever not to show his face, purely out of habit, and Iruka was politely not trying to sneak a peek. It was on his mind, however.

"Why do you wear a mask?" Iruka asked.

"Why do think I wear it?"

"Um. Well, I don't think it's because you're ugly. You just can't be. I don't think it's because you have scars because so many of us have facial scars and among shinobi they're often badges of honor. If you were that vain, wearing the mask would sort of negate vanity because now no one can see your face. I guess I think it's just an affectation."

"I've been told I am a perfect fifty-fifty combination of my parents. After my mother died, father would look at me and get sad. So I hid my face under the pretense of mimicking other shinobi. I'm sure he saw through it. Then after he was disgraced, I wanted to hide how much I looked like him.

"Once I made peace with my father's decision—with Obito's help—the mask had become such a part of me, I couldn't stop wearing it. It was part of my identity.

"Also, I can just hide my hair and scar and not be known among my closest friends without the mask. That can be very fun."

Kakashi leaned back against the wall. "You want to see it?" Kakashi pulled down his mask without waiting for a response.

Iruka jumbled out some sounds that were attempts at words. His blush was at the sight and at his inability to speak.

"And that's another reason I wear a mask. Everyone who sees my whole face gets hearts in their eyes. As you can imagine, I'm shy about my face."

Sasuke didn't have hearts in his eyes. No, he had pure lust that first time. Kakashi's jaw and stomach clinched at the memory of Sasuke's face.

"I'm sorry," Iruka said, still blushing. "I'm no different then, am I? But you are handsome."

"Thank you." Kakashi stroked his bare face, never comfortable to have anyone look at it. He pulled the mask back up. "It's become second nature to hide it. Even when I'm alone."

Kakashi checked the tea, deemed it strong enough, and poured both cups.

"I understand why you'd wear the mask. I guess it's not good for a shinobi to draw a lot of attention."

Kakashi smiled and his tone turned cheerful. "Ahh, but sometimes it's good to draw attention. That handsome playboy couldn't possibly be a spy or a ruthless assassin."

Iruka laughed. "Hiding in plain sight."

"Right. Done it often. I think of Sasuke sometimes. He had the fangirls. I just had one girl who loved me. I often wondered how that affected him. To have so many who 'loved' him because he was cute and not know him at all. You know Sakura didn't even know he was an orphan?"

"Really?"

"That pissed him off; she said she loved him without knowing him. I avoided all that. People kept their distance because of my father and my own reputation. I think we both felt isolated for opposite reasons."

Iruka thought he understood the sudden switching of topics; Kakashi was trying to figure out what went so wrong with Sasuke. "Sasuke had a lot stacked against him. I'm not sure there was anything anyone could have done to change his path."

"I just needed more time. Orochimaru and Itachi just didn't give me enough time."

"I bought Manjū for dessert," Iruka said when they finished their meal.

"I don't care for sweets," Kakashi said apologetically.

Iruka smiled. "More for me!"

It made Kakashi smile to see Iruka excited about a dessert. He dug in like a kid, biting into the sweet bun with delight. Like an adult, Kakashi just poured himself another cup of tea.

"How can you not like sweets?"

"People have different tastes. I know a guy who loves tomatoes; he loves acidic things. I don't care for sweets or tomatoes."

"You are strange."

"No dispute."

Iruka felt a little awkward when he finished. "I guess I should leave." He stood up and gathered the remnants of their dinner. He put the dishes in the sink and put the trash in the bin. Kakashi stood up slowly to follow Iruka to the door.

"Thank you again for bringing me food. I appreciate it. I was wondering what I was going to do for dinner." Kakashi closed in very close to Iruka.

"I'm glad I'm not being a nuisance." He blushed at Kakashi being so near.

"Not at all. If not for you I'd be alone and starving," Kakashi said it in a light tone, but Iruka looked grieved.

Kakashi was already deducing a few things about Iruka and his previous relationships. He felt others' emotions too strongly, so he could tell when people were depressed and he would try to help to the point of annoying people. He must have meddled too much with previous partners and they called him a nuisance more than once. He was a nurturing type. A mother hen. He knew Kakashi wouldn't be up to venturing out of his apartment so he coaxed him out yesterday and brought him food today. It was that kindness of his.

Iruka couldn't keep his eyes up, couldn't look at Kakashi so close to him. Kakashi was enamored with that sight. Shy Iruka. Not only did Iruka refuse to look into his eyes, he tried to hide his blushing face. He rubbed his scar with a finger. Kakashi wondered if the younger man knew how seductive that was. His innocence charmed him.

Kakashi pulled his mask down. He tilted his head and found Iruka's lips. Iruka was surprised, but he didn't pull back. He tentatively kissed back. Kakashi threaded his fingers into Iruka's bound hair and combed out the tie that kept it pulled back. His hair was heavier and silkier than Sasuke's which was soft and light, able to stand up to make that distinctive hairstyle.

When they opened their eyes, Kakashi looked into those large brown eyes with hope swimming in them. He shut his eyes to those innocent orbs and kissed him again. Iruka pressed against him.

Iruka was no virgin or innocent teenager; he knew what he was doing. Kakashi didn't ask if Iruka really wanted to have sex with him, just put this hand low on his back and pull him lightly back into his apartment.

Iruka was lightheaded. This beautiful, strong man who he was falling in love with was kissing him. Kakashi's hand strayed down to Iruka's ass. Iruka had never known his nerves to be so sensitive. It was like lightning up his spine.

Kakashi pushed Iruka against the wall and kissed him even harder. They pushed up against each other. Their hips pressed together and Iruka's breath hitched. He could feel Kakashi's hardness through their pants. Kakashi overwhelmed him. The taller man had him pinned. His hygiene hadn't been the best the last few days, but he wasn't working out either. He actually smelled good. And god, his body felt good against his.

Kakashi upped the ante and slid his hand across Iruka's hip and brushed his hard length. He shuddered and gasped. Kakashi's lips ventured to his chin, then down his jaw. Iruka nearly came when Kakashi's mouth closed around Iruka's earlobe.

Kakashi disengaged to ask, "You want to go all the way?"

Iruka's heartbeat sped up even more. His breath trembled with every quick, high pressured beat. Kakashi whispered, "Do you?" in Iruka's ear. Iruka couldn't speak so he nodded. Kakashi turned off the light and moved Iruka toward the bed and they stripped.

It was hasty, artless, desperate stripping in the dark, but they could hear each other, easily find each other when they were finished. Kakashi's skin was still cold, Iruka's was as hot as Kakashi thought it would be with his tan skin.

Kakashi pulled Iruka into a kiss and practically rolled them into his small bed. They rubbed against each other, their cocks crossing and trailing against the others' stomachs, nipples scrapping over their sweaty chests.

Kakashi reveled in Iruka's heat. It was like . . . He pulled Iruka closer to drink in his body heat, his fingers digging into his hips. Iruka moaned. Kakashi drew his hands up Iruka's back, leaving a spreading trail of goosebumps in their wake. His fingers were cold, but the sensations they caused warmed him.

Being above Kakashi, Iruka dove deep into his soon to be lover's mouth. Kakashi answered with as much vigor as he was getting. Iruka braced himself on his elbows on either side of Kakashi's head, his loose hair hiding both their faces.

Kakashi was under no delusion whatsoever that this was Sasuke. His heart and body were aching for someone. And this innocent school teacher was enticing and Iruka loved him. That's all he really needed right now. He desired Sasuke's touch, but Iruka's would do.

Kakashi came to himself enough to remember he needed lube. He put his hands together around Iruka's back and created a shadow clone. The clone fetched the lube he used when he was alone and dismissed as soon as the tube was in his hand.

Kakashi flipped them, yanking his lips from Iruka's. He moved to take Iruka's hard cock in his mouth. Iruka gasped. Kakashi shimmied to move one of Iruka's thighs over his shoulder. He pushed up the other thigh to stroke the underside with his other hand as he sucked. The lewd sounds of Kakashi's mouth was embarrassing Iruka as much as the situation.

Kakashi finally stopped to coat his fingers and prepare the teacher. He didn't have to be told that it had been a while for the younger man. He used his mouth to distract him. He had recent firsthand experience at this, so he knew what best to do.

Iruka couldn't help squirming, but soon he was moaning in pleasure.

Kakashi pulled away. In a voice heavy and deep, Kakashi said, "Turn over; it'll be easier that way."

Iruka blushed in the dark. He'd already had his dick in Kakashi's mouth, but the thought of turning his ass toward him was mortifying. He also wondered if Kakashi meant it would be easier for him to pretend Iruka was that lover of his.

Kakashi couldn't see, but he was aware enough to stay just out of the way of Iruka's moving body. He put a hand on Iruka's lower back. His hands had warmed and that hand was comforting there, even as Iruka could feel the movements of Kakashi's body through it. Kakashi rose up on his knees, getting in position behind him. His hand moved down to his hip to hold him still.

The feeling of Kakashi's hot, smooth, slippery cockhead pressing against him and slipping inside with a little pressure had Iruka's head spinning. His heart was beating so fast and it was hard to breath. That comforting hand returned to the center of his back. Iruka took a few deep breathes. His heart slowed a little and half the dizziness subsided. But the dizzying thrill remained.

Iruka's body was so warm. Once he was fully inside him, Kakashi leaned over him. He was in no hurry. He leaned down, laying his chest on Iruka's back. He could feel the quiet thunder of Iruka's breaths in his ribcage. He kept most of his weight on one arm on the bed, the other he curled around Iruka's chest. He was tall enough that his nose was in the brunet's neck. He kissed the top of his shoulder through the silky hair.

Iruka was calming. He always hated this position because it felt less intimate, but the way Kakashi lay on him and held him and kissed him, it felt almost more intimate than face to face. He could feel Kakashi's chest filling and his breath on his neck. It all felt just so comfortable. He could stay like this forever.

Kakashi rolled his hips, starting with just a slow shallow thrusting to ease them both into it. The feeling made him desperate to feel more. His pace quickened until he had to lift himself up to thrust harder and faster, taking more of his length out and pressing back in.

As it got more intense, Iruka started to worry about the bed knocking the wall, but there was no headboard or bedposts, there was only the mattress to hit the wall. A wall with no neighbors behind.

Kakashi's worry was that he would reach completion before his partner. He reached around and jerked Iruka off as he sought his own release. Iruka came moments before him.

Kakashi lay forward on Iruka's back for moment as they both came down from the rush. He backed off to let Iruka lay flat and Kakashi wedged in beside him.

No words, no kiss, just a hand on Iruka's back keeping his body from chilling from the air on his sweaty back. Iruka dropped off savoring Kakashi's warm presence next to him.

xxxxx

Iruka woke up with an arm around his body. He was in Kakashi's arms. He really didn't want to wake Kakashi, but it felt rude to slip out without a word.

"Kakashi. Kakashi, I have to go to work."

Kakashi groaned and turned onto his back, his arm slipping away from Iruka's body.

Iruka slipped out of bed and turned on the kitchen light so not to be too bright to Kakashi as he went back to sleep, but Iruka could see his clothes. He dressed hurriedly and carefully turned out the light, opened the door, and shut it.

As he walked home, Iruka had some time to contemplate what had just happened. They were two consenting adults, so that wasn't the issue. But why had Kakashi slept with him? Wasn't he traumatized? Was he attracted to him? Iruka always thought of himself as being rather plain. He wasn't ashamed of the scar on his face, but he thought it was unattractive.

Kakashi was gorgeous. That beauty mark on his jaw just drew the eye. He had a few days' growth on his face, but that gave him a rugged, scruffy charm. He was . . . dreamy. Though he'd wondered what the older man looked like, he hadn't really formed an image in his mind of what he might look like. That was not what he expected. He was perfect. The scar through his eye and the white hair just added to his beauty. Why on earth would he want Iruka?

Maybe it was because Iruka cared about him, checked up on him. Maybe he was the first to care. Kakashi said one reason he hid his face was to avoid people falling in love with his looks. Sasuke had every girl's adoration when he was younger, but none of them knew him. Kakashi feared that. Maybe he slept with Iruka because Iruka cared about him before he saw his face.

Iruka couldn't stop a stupid smile. Was it always that easy to get to the man? Just care about him without seeing his face? He wondered how many had seen that face and fallen in love. How angry or depressed did that make him?

What Iruka fell in love with was the man who earned the respect of the entire shinobi world. He fell in love with the man who could accept Naruto as a shinobi and not a monster. Even if he said they were nothing but his soldiers, he loved his students. He was also another orphan.

It took him longer than it should for Iruka to make it home. Not just because his ass hurt a bit.

xxxxx

Kakashi was dreading this part more than any other: visiting Gai.

Gai had a new home built to accommodate the fact he was stuck in a wheelchair. Through it all, Gai never lost his cheer.

"Ahh, Kakashi! Back from another successful mission!"

Kakashi sighed as he sat across from his old rival at the table. "Not really, Gai."

"Oh?"

"Gai . . ." It was hard to say to him. Gai was always cheerful and speaking to him about serious matters was always irksome. "It wasn't successful."

"But you are alive!"

"Yeah, that's true."

"At least it was a partial success."

"I wouldn't even say that." Gai didn't butt in this time. "I was captured Gai."

"Eh? By who?"

"Sasuke."

That finally made Gai lose his smile.

"I was tortured for months. What's worse . . . I broke. He broke me. I thought I had finally experienced the most pain a person could inflict on another, but then Sasuke surpassed it. He never even used his genjutsu. I broke. I talked. I didn't just give him the simple answer he wanted, that I was there as a spy, but everything I learned while there just poured out of me. I told him everything I found and now all that information is invalidated."

"But it took months."

"Yeah."

"That's something to be proud of," Gai said, all serious. "There probably isn't a person in the world who could be tortured for months and not talk. Shinobi can overcome physical pain; you'll recover."

"I was raped too." Kakashi couldn't look him in the eye when he said it. Admitting it to Gai pressed his shoulders down. He was ashamed, but also felt somewhat . . . self-righteous, like that was something that put him beyond others, like he couldn't be judged for anything else because of what he endured. And yet, he still felt enormous shame.

"But you're alive."

"But too broken to care."

"Cheer up, Kakashi, we're still in the Springtime of our Youth!"

"But we're not in the springtime anymore, Gai. Summer, at least. Maybe autumn. Four months of torture? Yeah, autumn." Before Gai could try to contradict him again, Kakashi went on. "I tried to retire, but Tsunade decided to give me an administrative position in ANBU."

"That's good. If you retired when you're this depressed, you wouldn't last long."

"That is true. I have to find something else to live for besides work."

xxxxx

A grown man loitering near a schoolyard would normally be cause for concern, but everyone knew Kakashi wasn't that kind of pervert. The children had gone home by that time anyway; only the teachers were still in the building.

Iruka came out and was greeted by a cheery looking Kakashi. "Yo. I thought I should treat you to dinner."

Iruka blushed. That was so enduring. Kakashi tried to remember if Sasuke blushed once in the entire time they were together. Not one instance came to mind. Sasuke was shameless—except when he was crying.

The rush of blood to Iruka's scar must have tickled because he always scratched at that scar across his face when he blushed. That was even cuter.

"Ahh, yeah. Thanks."

"Sushi?"

"Yeah."

It was an uneventful meal. Kakashi kept up the game of keeping his face hidden and their conversation neutral. Iruka couldn't help blushing several times when he looked at Kakashi. The two of them had had sex last night after all. And with that blush came the urge for Iruka to scratch that scar. It made Kakashi smile. It made Kakashi's heart feel brighter.

For half a meal, Kakashi didn't think about Sasuke. Until he remembered eating in that restaurant with Sasuke. Sharingan pinwheels whirling in the wind outside, the smell of sea fog rolling in.

"Kakashi-san?"

"Sorry. Remembering."

"Your lover?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah. He's the last person I ate with like this. Across from each other at a restaurant."

Iruka was embarrassed. "Hey, come over for a night cap?"

"Yeah, okay."

xxxxx

Iruka's place felt more alive than Kakashi's apartment. Kakashi had one houseplant; Iruka had several. The place was warm and green. It felt lived in. It was lived in. Kakashi didn't do much in his apartment apart from sleep. Iruka _lived_ here.

Rather than a bachelor's studio apartment, this was a good sized one bedroom. The living room, dining room, and kitchen shared one large room.

"Sake or beer?" Iruka asked, gesturing for Kakashi to sit on the sofa.

"Beer, please."

Iruka was quick to return with two cans which he opened for his guest. He sat next to Kakashi, leaving almost enough room between them for a third person. Iruka used all his boldness to invite Kakashi over, now he was all shyness. He did pull his hair loose though as he normally did when he got home.

Kakashi pulled his mask down and drank. Iruka glanced over to see his face. Iruka's shy attention amused him.

He turned to Iruka, still barefaced. "Iruka-sensei, no class tomorrow?"

"No, it's Friday."

"I've lost track of the days."

Iruka finally did look at him. Kakashi looked sad and it pulled at Iruka's heart. "It hasn't been long since you came back. You'll get your bearings back soon." He wished Kakashi was wearing his mask; it would hide that look from him.

"Iruka, I don't regret what happened last night. I enjoyed it. I can see you have feelings for me; it would be cruel for me to let them grow. I don't think a relationship would be . . . wise. You know I already love someone else and you deserve someone who will love you wholeheartedly. Don't waste your time loving me."

Iruka's blush deepened and he had to avert his eyes. "I do . . . like you, Kakashi-san. I don't regret last night either. I don't care if you love someone else. I know you'll never forget him, but let me love you. Maybe I can help you forget, just a little."

"Iruka, you are the kindest person in the world; I couldn't hurt you like that."

Iruka's wide eyes met Kakashi's. "You'll never see him again, will you?"

"Probably not."

"What will you do? Live the rest of your life abstaining from loving anyone else? Die alone? I love you. Let me love you. I'll do what I can to make you happy and ease the pain."

"Do you still love Misuki?"

"Sometimes I remember the good times. No. I didn't love him that deeply."

 _Let me love you._ Sasuke said that too. He let Sasuke love him and then Sasuke told him to leave. He knew Sasuke wanted to keep him, but he sent him away. Kakashi took a long swallow of beer.

"Alright. You shouldn't though. You'll end up hurt again."

"You don't have to forget him and your feelings for him. I want you to love me, but you don't have to."

His heart thudded loudly in his chest. Maybe there was a possible future here. Maybe he could love Iruka.

Kakashi put his beer down and took Iruka's hand. He rubbed the top of the teacher's hand with his thumb. When he moved his fingers over his palm, he felt only a few calluses. No sword calluses.

Iruka put his own beer on the table and turned toward Kakashi and leaned forward. He gripped Kakashi's exploring hand and pulled Kakashi closer.

"Alright," Kakashi whispered.

Iruka pulled him closer and kissed him over that gap between them. Iruka crawled in closer, closing that gap.

Kakashi may no longer be an active shinobi, but he wore his uniform; it was as much habit as the fact he had little else to wear. Iruka also wore his uniform. There were vests and pouches between them more than last night.

Iruka unzipped Kakashi's vest and Kakashi returned the favor. Suddenly, Kakashi wanted it off. He wanted the damn vest, the pouches, the stupid blue uniform, he wanted it all off. He shucked the vest with impatience. Iruka mistook that as need to be with him. He stood up to lead Kakashi to the bedroom without turning out the lights.

Kakashi eagerly follow, stripping off the annoying uniform as he went.

As they both finished stripping in the dim light from the living room, Iruka caught glimpses of Kakashi's pale skin still blotched with fading bruises. He didn't want to stare, didn't want Kakashi to become self-conscious.

"Lube?" Kakashi asked.

Red faced, Iruka searched his nightstand. He wondered for a moment if lube expired and if they should even trust it.

Kakashi didn't care or even think about such things. He crowded Iruka onto the double bed and knelt between his legs.

Kakashi ran his hands down Iruka's chest. His skin was smooth and warm. He lacked any scars along that path. He took a moment to look at his darker body. He was in shape, but not battle worn. Iruka had seen the kyuubi attack when he was a child and went on many missions, but he didn't know war. Didn't know the type of experiences Kakashi and Sasuke knew. He could see no scar except the one on his face.

Kakashi used a palm full of lube to stroke his cock. In the dim light, Iruka could see the action and it made him nervous to see how large Kakashi was and embarrassed to be watching Kakashi essentially jerk off in front of him. Kakashi drew his hand slowly down his erection. He wasn't really thinking about lubing his cock, really he was jerking off while looking at Iruka's body. Iruka was beautiful and erect. Kakashi was amused at the fact that six months ago, he never would have dreamed being turned on by a man.

Kakashi leaned down to kiss him. Kakashi planted his elbows over Iruka's head and pulled his hips into Iruka's. Iruka wound his arms around Kakashi's neck and shoulders. Holding onto Kakashi, Iruka pushed up into Kakashi, trying to contribute. Kakashi smiled into their kiss.

The force of their joining started to bang the headboard against the wall. Kakashi stopped, pulled a pillow from next to Iruka's head, and shoved it behind the headboard, silencing it. Iruka blushed at the fact his neighbors must know what he was doing.

Regardless, Iruka was more comfortable sighing in his own bed. He moaned and groaned and clutched at Kakashi's back, shoulders, neck, and head. It felt so wonderful. He loved Kakashi, loved what he did to his body. He hadn't felt this sensitive, this swept away since his first time.

Iruka was the one who pulled at his erection this time as Kakashi's thrusts came quicker and harder. Kakashi came first. He remained inside him as Iruka brought himself off. They curled up together, sleeping tugging at both of them.

"Move in with me," Iruka muttered. "Don't be alone."

"You're only going to get hurt." His voice was extra deep and rough after sex.

"I don't care. I love you. Let me take care of you."

Kakashi nodded.

Iruka smiled and stroked his chest. "Sleep, love."

Kakashi felt a tug at his heart. Sasuke would lay closer, pretty much on him, call him 'love', and lick his neck. He missed him.


End file.
